Awwwwww from January 19, 2008…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I’ve been friends with this guy at school for three years, and until now I’ve always thought of him as just a friend. He and I went to a formal dance, and even my mom thinks that we are dating. When I told him this, he said, “Maybe we should be.” That’s when I realized that I have a crush on him. Should I pursue this and try to start some kind of relationship that’s “more than friendly”?
— I Think I’m in Love

Dear I Think I’m in Love,
As far as “signs” go, that’s about as good as it gets. What are you waiting for?
Love,
Breakup Girl

Via Wired Science:

How do a science writer and a UC Berkeley obstetrician explain how the ability of humans to turn off their empathy and organize for war?

By looking at chimpanzees and bonobo monkeys of course! Chimps are the only species besides humans who form social groups and attack rival groups, while bonobos, whose DNA also closely resembles humans, are peaceful, have a matriarchal society, and use sex as a form of greeting, conflict resolution, and post-conflict reconciliation.

Alexis Madrigal interviewed Malcolm Potts, Thomas Hayden, the authors of Sex and War, who share their thoughtful reflections on the whys and hows of modern warfare, terrorism, the disabling of empathy, and a uniquely human trait: free will. This book sounds like a fascinating read, and more than just a barrel of monkeys.

Ever since the Duchovny news broke, we here at breakupgirl.net have been addicted to sex addiction stories! Now, Lynn has written a review of two memoirs dealing with the subject — Desire: Where Sex Meets Addiction by Susan Cheever and Love Junkie: A Memoir by Rachel Resnick — posted this morning at Barnes & Noble.

Last August, in a remarkable example of art imitating sex life, it was revealed that David Duchovny — who stars as a randy writer on Showtime’s Californication — had checked into rehab for sex addiction. The former Fox Mulder’s disclosure opened up a psychological X-file: is “sex addiction” modern pop-psych folklore, complete with a handy excuse for caddishness? Or is it for real?

Continue reading at the bn.com review page!

Classic Breakup Girl essay from January 19, 1998!

Learning from our mistakes is an essential survival skill. Yet we are much better students in some situations (“Ow! Orange stove burner hot! … Do not touch again!”) than we are in others (“Ow! Man on motorcycle unreliable! … Date again!”). That said, the circumstances in the excerpts from the letters below –specifically, what Breakup Girl has put in blue should all be considered Bad Signs…

Christy: I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months now. Everything seemed to be really good between us…then he went away for a week to his hometown. He got back on Sunday and I still haven’t heard from him. I remember him telling me on the phone that he was bad at relationships, and when he starts going out with somebody he’ll avoid them and not call them, etc. Which is why we aren’t labeled as boyfriend/girlfriend…because all the label does is add pressure. I really want to be with him. Tell me what you think.

BG: Yo. When someone tells you they are “bad at relationships,” believe them. By saying so, they are writing themselves a permission slip to do exactly that. And yeah, the boyfriend/girlfriend label does add “pressure.” As well it should. As in “responsibility.” If two people willingly agree not to “label” their relationship, fine. But if you do want that label, then quit digging through the Irregular bin. Girlfriend’s gotta hold out for Armani.
(more…)

A rough outline from January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I want to break up with my boyfriend of 5 years, because we are not compatible long-term (read: marriage). I should have done this many years ago, but I loved him and couldn’t. Now although I still love him, I think I finally have the courage to tell him I want out, but I don’t know how to broach the subject. I have thought of an approach where I discuss:

1) The current situation (i.e. everything that’s going wrong)
2) His future plans and mine (i.e. that they’re incompatible)
3) Therefore, we need to split.

(more…)

A “power pocketbook” as some kind of superhero accessory, maybe. This, I think, is not that.

(Bold added by BG.)

Dear XXXX,

I wanted to let you know I am working with ReBelle Friendship Bags, a line of handbags that strive to empower tween girls to believe in themselves and their friendships, regardless of the challenges they face. It’s the only handbag collection available exclusively to tweens and promotes multi-cultural cohesion and young female empowerment.

The detachable handbags come with a zipper down the middle so you can share the matching bag with your best friend. The bags come in special themes and accompany the ReBelle Story of six girls from places around the world that meet at summer camp and become pen pals.

Daisy Cook, the founder of ReBelle Friendship Bags, just launched the line to help reverse the negative impact the media and internet have on young girls. The bags are sold at http://friendshipbags.com/ and in stores and online at FAO Schwarz, www.FAO.com . Please contact me with any questions or to obtain hi-res images.

Best,

XXXX

Reasons why it’s not that surprising that I teared up at Cody Linley‘s Dancing with the Stars departure Tuesday night:

1. It felt like a breakup. Or rather, two breakups in one: No more Cody and Julianne cutting it up while cutting a rug like the king and queen of the prom; no more, in my wildly dancing imagination, of our weekly threesomes.

2. Hey, I cried when Boner Stabone bid adieu to bestie Mike Seaver on Growing Pains. (I distinctly remember dashing to my bedroom to hide my tears from my family.) I also cried when Garfield said goodbye to his mother in “Garfield on the Town.” Yes, I have a problem.

3. Or do I? According to this recent study (sponsored by me, you’d think) about the health benefits of crying, it’s not a problem at all, which is great news for me.

Almost nine out of ten participants in the study reported improved moods post-weeping, and researchers found that emotional tears (as opposed to emotion-neutral, chopping-onions tears) contain stress-related hormones. So when we cry over stressful situations, such as a breakup, we really are “crying it out.”

Unfortunately, by “we,” I mean mostly women. The report states that men cry an average of seven times per year. For women, it’s a whopping 47 times per year. Also: men who cry out of sadness were “more positively rated” by women, while women’s sad tears made them less attractive to men.

For the record, Cody cried in a previous episode of DWTS while declaring his (platonic?) love for Julianne, so I know he’s the right man-boy for me.

Simon Cowell and Terri Seymour: What is it with American Idol and text-message breakups?

(And with calling me “The [sic] BreakUp [sic] Girl“?)

Finally! It took a lawsuit, but still.

Palin haiku? Done.

BG haiku? Once a year.

Breakup haiku: Now!