Home
Advice

Comics

Animation

Goodies

Big To Do
MORE...
About Us

Archive
“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

February 28, 2008

Dating while positive

Filed under: News — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:00 am

Here at BreakupGirl.net, we talk a lot about the challenges of finding love when you are shy, when you have low self-esteem, when you don’t look like society’s ideal single, when you live in a small town, when you’re spinning your wheels in a romance rut. But what about finding — and keeping — love when you know that at some dreaded point, just when things were going so awesome, you’re going to have to say, “There’s something I have to tell you”?

At this point, the news that anyone has a sexually-transmitted infection (STI) should not be a shocker. STIs are, in fact, shockingly common. (At least half of sexually active men and women get HPV at some point in their lives, for example.) Yet matter how “out” people are these days about Asperger’s or therapy or whatever they take to help them sleep, the stigma against STIs — and the 19 million people who have them — remains as virulent and pervasive as the infections themselves. They are, after all, about sex — stereotypically, about casual, anonymous, unprotected sex; about (also stereotypically!) skeevy sores where the sun don’t shine. Just look at the vernacular: people who say they’ve tested negative for STIs commonly call themselves “clean.” Opposite: “dirty.” Carriers of STIs: they’re seen (WRONGLY, let’s be clear) as slutty, stupid, damaged goods. (This despite the facts: you can, of course, get infected from your first and only partner; condoms may not provide 100% protection.)

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a place, a magical place, where people with STIs never had to have The Talk? Where they could make friends — even find lovers — knowing that no one would judge them, never mind dump them, over a stroke of bum luck and the occasional cold sore?

There are, as it turns out, many such places. As my journalist alter ego writes in the current Nerve.com:

…[D]ating websites for people with the same STI seem like a natural niche: PositiveSingles.com, H-Date.com, VDdate.com, and the genre’s warhorse, MPwH.net (Meet People with Herpes), which was founded in 1997 and has more than 70,000 active members. Newcomer PositiveFriends.com has a photo-editing application that allows you to include a photo while obscuring your identity, zooming in on just your tattoo or your eyes. Another new site, VDdate.com, feels a bit rickety with outdated terminology like “venereal disease,” but its presence reinforces the point: many STI sufferers are opting out of the general singles population and sticking to their own private dating pool.

Or ghetto, depending on who you’re talking to. “Creating specific internet [dating] sites for persons with STDs tends to perpetuate stigma by separating them from the general population,” says Jeffrey D. Klausner, M.D., M.P.H., director of STD Prevention and Control Services at the San Francisco Department of Public Health. “This isolation suggests that those persons are different and not normal, requiring exceptional means to meet other partners.”

That is the question: do these sites liberate — or quarantine?

…[W]hile the appeal and intended benefit of these sites is clear, some in the field have voiced concerns about unintended side effects. Could that “home” also be a velvet prison, even a quarantine of sorts? Do dating services for people with STIs imply both to members and passersby — if inadvertently, and only at first glance — that people with STIs should date only amongst themselves, or at least that that is their lot? Might they in some way serve to perpetuate the very stigma from which they offer shelter? Are they creating an underclass of sexual untouchables?

We want to hear your thoughts, of course. (No fair commenting until you’ve read the entire piece, which many possible answers to that question in — if Lynn says so herself! — a thorough and balanced manner.) At very least, perhaps it’ll help prepare you to have The Talk — or, maybe even better, to hear it.

5 Comments »

  1. Nice post. I learn something totally new and challenging on sites
    I stumbleupon everyday. It will always be exciting to read through content from other writers and practice a little something from their websites.

    Comment by Gregorio — August 8, 2017 @ 7:49 pm

  2. There is definately a great deal to know about this issue.
    I really like all of the points you made.

    Comment by James Frazer Mann — August 15, 2017 @ 3:36 am

  3. Asking questions are in fact good thing if you are not understanding anything fully, however this paragraph gives fastidious understanding yet.

    Comment by James Frazer-Mann — August 19, 2017 @ 12:27 am

  4. Magnificent goods from you, man. I’ve keep in mind your stuff previous to
    and you’re just extremely excellent. I really
    like what you have obtained right here, really like what you
    are saying and the best way through which you
    assert it. You make it entertaining and you still care for
    to stay it wise. I cant wait to read far more from you.
    This is really a tremendous website.

    Comment by augusto de arruda botelho — August 25, 2017 @ 4:12 am

  5. It’s awesome to pay a quick visit this web page and reading
    the views of all friends on the topic of this piece of writing,
    while I am also keen of getting know-how.

    Comment by augusto de arruda botelho — August 27, 2017 @ 11:28 pm

  6. Hello there! Do you know if they make any
    plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing
    very good results. If you know of any please share. Many thanks!

    Comment by grupoover.com — August 28, 2017 @ 4:02 am

  7. Hi there terrific website! Does running a blog such as this require a massive amount work?
    I’ve absolutely no knowledge of coding however I
    was hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyhow, if you have any
    ideas or techniques for new blog owners please share.
    I understand this is off subject however I simply had to ask.
    Thanks!

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro Junior — August 31, 2017 @ 4:40 am

  8. Hey There. I discovered your blog the use of msn. This is a very
    neatly written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of
    your useful information. Thank you for the post.
    I will definitely comeback.

    Comment by James Frazer-Mann — September 8, 2017 @ 6:53 pm

  9. Simply desire to say your article is as astounding.
    The clearness for your submit is just spectacular and i can suppose you’re knowledgeable in this subject.
    Fine together with your permission allow me to take hold of your RSS
    feed to stay up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the
    gratifying work.

    Comment by garage door controls — September 9, 2017 @ 7:05 am

  10. Heya i am for the primary time here. I came across this board and I find It truly helpful & it helped
    me out much. I’m hoping to present one thing back and help others
    like you aided me.

    Comment by pt.wikipedia.org — September 10, 2017 @ 11:44 pm

  11. If you desire to improve your experience just keep visiting
    this site and be updated with the hottest information posted here.

    Comment by www.club-bourse.com — September 11, 2017 @ 7:44 pm

  12. Good day! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really enjoy
    your content. Please let me know. Cheers

    Comment by www.mahamate.com — September 16, 2017 @ 2:58 am

  13. Currently it seems like Drupal is the preferred blogging platform out there
    right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you are using on your blog?

    Comment by golf course — September 17, 2017 @ 3:59 am

  14. Good respond in return of this query with genuine arguments and describing the whole
    thing regarding that.

    Comment by killarney golf — September 17, 2017 @ 5:52 pm

  15. I’d like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this site.
    I really hope to see the same high-grade content by you
    in the future as well. In fact, your creative
    writing abilities has motivated me to get my own site now
    😉

    Comment by well-known dating sites — September 18, 2017 @ 6:27 pm

  16. Now I am ready to do my breakfast, after having my breakfast coming over again to read further news.

    Comment by Isabella — September 22, 2017 @ 5:16 pm

  17. Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed!
    Very useful info particularly the last part :) I
    care for such information a lot. I was looking for this particular info for a long time.
    Thank you and best of luck.

    Comment by bbs.saforever.com — September 23, 2017 @ 2:41 pm

  18. Heya i am for the primary time here. I found this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me out a
    lot. I am hoping to provide one thing back and help
    others like you aided me.

    Comment by szcomic.com — September 24, 2017 @ 1:56 am

  19. Helpful information. Lucky me I discovered your site accidentally, and I’m surprised why this twist of fate didn’t happened earlier!
    I bookmarked it.

    Comment by girlsonhousearrest.com — September 24, 2017 @ 4:15 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.

[breakupgirl.net]

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

MORE COMICS...

Powered by WordPress