Home
Advice

Comics

Animation

Goodies

Big To Do
MORE...
About Us

Archive
“Saving Love Lives The World Over!” e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

February 28, 2008

Dating while positive

Filed under: News — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:00 am

Here at BreakupGirl.net, we talk a lot about the challenges of finding love when you are shy, when you have low self-esteem, when you don’t look like society’s ideal single, when you live in a small town, when you’re spinning your wheels in a romance rut. But what about finding — and keeping — love when you know that at some dreaded point, just when things were going so awesome, you’re going to have to say, “There’s something I have to tell you”?

At this point, the news that anyone has a sexually-transmitted infection (STI) should not be a shocker. STIs are, in fact, shockingly common. (At least half of sexually active men and women get HPV at some point in their lives, for example.) Yet matter how “out” people are these days about Asperger’s or therapy or whatever they take to help them sleep, the stigma against STIs — and the 19 million people who have them — remains as virulent and pervasive as the infections themselves. They are, after all, about sex — stereotypically, about casual, anonymous, unprotected sex; about (also stereotypically!) skeevy sores where the sun don’t shine. Just look at the vernacular: people who say they’ve tested negative for STIs commonly call themselves “clean.” Opposite: “dirty.” Carriers of STIs: they’re seen (WRONGLY, let’s be clear) as slutty, stupid, damaged goods. (This despite the facts: you can, of course, get infected from your first and only partner; condoms may not provide 100% protection.)

Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a place, a magical place, where people with STIs never had to have The Talk? Where they could make friends — even find lovers — knowing that no one would judge them, never mind dump them, over a stroke of bum luck and the occasional cold sore?

There are, as it turns out, many such places. As my journalist alter ego writes in the current Nerve.com:

…[D]ating websites for people with the same STI seem like a natural niche: PositiveSingles.com, H-Date.com, VDdate.com, and the genre’s warhorse, MPwH.net (Meet People with Herpes), which was founded in 1997 and has more than 70,000 active members. Newcomer PositiveFriends.com has a photo-editing application that allows you to include a photo while obscuring your identity, zooming in on just your tattoo or your eyes. Another new site, VDdate.com, feels a bit rickety with outdated terminology like “venereal disease,” but its presence reinforces the point: many STI sufferers are opting out of the general singles population and sticking to their own private dating pool.

Or ghetto, depending on who you’re talking to. “Creating specific internet [dating] sites for persons with STDs tends to perpetuate stigma by separating them from the general population,” says Jeffrey D. Klausner, M.D., M.P.H., director of STD Prevention and Control Services at the San Francisco Department of Public Health. “This isolation suggests that those persons are different and not normal, requiring exceptional means to meet other partners.”

That is the question: do these sites liberate — or quarantine?

…[W]hile the appeal and intended benefit of these sites is clear, some in the field have voiced concerns about unintended side effects. Could that “home” also be a velvet prison, even a quarantine of sorts? Do dating services for people with STIs imply both to members and passersby — if inadvertently, and only at first glance — that people with STIs should date only amongst themselves, or at least that that is their lot? Might they in some way serve to perpetuate the very stigma from which they offer shelter? Are they creating an underclass of sexual untouchables?

We want to hear your thoughts, of course. (No fair commenting until you’ve read the entire piece, which many possible answers to that question in — if Lynn says so herself! — a thorough and balanced manner.) At very least, perhaps it’ll help prepare you to have The Talk — or, maybe even better, to hear it.

5 Comments »

  1. Today, I went to the beach front with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year
    old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear
    and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear.

    She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is entirely off topic but
    I had to tell someone!

    Comment by car hire greenford — May 28, 2017 @ 4:12 am

  2. Right now it seems like Movable Type is the top
    blogging platform out there right now. (from what I’ve read)
    Is that what you’re using on your blog?

    Comment by glam seamless review — May 29, 2017 @ 1:43 am

  3. I always used to study post in news papers but now as I am a user of web so from now I am using
    net for content, thanks to web.

    Comment by Alexandria — May 30, 2017 @ 12:23 pm

  4. I would like to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in penning this blog.

    I’m hoping to check out the same high-grade content by you in the future as well.
    In truth, your creative writing abilities has motivated me
    to get my very own site now 😉

    Comment by mens wear — June 2, 2017 @ 3:52 am

  5. Terrific post however , I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this subject?
    I’d be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit more.
    Cheers!

    Comment by http://lfw021.com/ — June 2, 2017 @ 6:05 am

  6. Great article. I will be going through some of these issues as
    well..

    Comment by compare broad band — June 2, 2017 @ 11:52 am

  7. Hi my family member! I wish to say that this post
    is awesome, nice written and include approximately all important infos.
    I’d like to peer more posts like this .

    Comment by Anthony — June 2, 2017 @ 4:41 pm

  8. Hi there, after reading this awesome post i am as well happy to share my experience here
    with mates.

    Comment by especially important — June 3, 2017 @ 9:59 am

  9. Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it.
    Look advanced to far added agreeable from you!
    However, how can we communicate?

    Comment by global resorts — June 3, 2017 @ 10:39 am

  10. Very nice post. I definitely appreciate this website.
    Keep it up!

    Comment by red suit — June 3, 2017 @ 12:12 pm

  11. I wanted to thank you for this wonderful read!!
    I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it.
    I have you saved as a favorite to look at new stuff
    you post…

    Comment by people wear — June 4, 2017 @ 2:12 am

  12. Great post however , I was wanting to know if you could write
    a litte more on this subject? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit further.
    Bless you!

    Comment by gear make running — June 4, 2017 @ 5:58 pm

  13. Thanks very interesting blog!

    Comment by summer suits — June 4, 2017 @ 8:56 pm

  14. Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images on this blog
    loading? I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my
    end or if it’s the blog. Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.

    Comment by Brittany — June 8, 2017 @ 7:35 pm

  15. I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great.
    I don’t know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already 😉 Cheers!

    Comment by make money in 2 days — June 11, 2017 @ 5:19 am

  16. Usually I do not learn post on blogs, but I would like
    to say that this write-up very compelled me to
    check out and do so! Your writing style has been amazed me.
    Thanks, very great article.

    Comment by www.geldanlagen-talk.de — June 13, 2017 @ 3:30 am

  17. I’m gone to convey my little brother, that he should also pay a visit this web site
    on regular basis to obtain updated from hottest reports.

    Comment by high-quality legal — June 15, 2017 @ 3:36 pm

  18. This text is priceless. When can I find out more?

    Comment by jessica simpson shoes — June 15, 2017 @ 9:54 pm

  19. My brother recommended I would possibly like this
    web site. He used to be entirely right. This submit truly
    made my day. You can not believe just how much time I had spent for this info!
    Thank you!

    Comment by legal research — June 17, 2017 @ 4:46 pm

  20. Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve visited this blog before but
    after going through many of the articles I realized it’s new to me.
    Nonetheless, I’m definitely pleased I came across it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back frequently!

    Comment by beautiful long — June 17, 2017 @ 11:18 pm

  21. It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and
    it’s time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to suggest
    you some interesting things or advice. Maybe you can write next
    articles referring to this article. I desire to read
    even more things about it!

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 21, 2017 @ 1:09 pm

  22. of course like your web-site however you have to test the spelling on several of your posts.
    Several of them are rife with spelling problems
    and I find it very bothersome to tell the reality then again I will certainly come back again.

    Comment by Augusto de Arruda Botelho — June 21, 2017 @ 8:14 pm

  23. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video
    to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why throw away
    your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

    Comment by Wade — June 22, 2017 @ 4:33 am

  24. all the time i used to read smaller content that also
    clear their motive, and that is also happening with this
    post which I am reading at this time.

    Comment by Julie — June 22, 2017 @ 6:30 am

  25. I really like what you guys tend to be up too.
    This kind of clever work and reporting! Keep up the great works
    guys I’ve included you guys to my blogroll.

    Comment by hair salons services — June 22, 2017 @ 7:06 pm

  26. Hello! I understand this is sort of off-topic however I had to ask.

    Does building a well-established blog like yours take a large amount of work?

    I’m brand new to writing a blog however I do
    write in my diary every day. I’d like to start a blog so I can easily share my experience and thoughts online.
    Please let me know if you have any suggestions or tips for
    new aspiring blog owners. Appreciate it!

    Comment by eesocal.com — June 23, 2017 @ 11:33 pm

  27. Excellent items from you, man. I have take note your stuff previous to and you are simply too wonderful.
    I really like what you’ve acquired here, really like what you’re saying
    and the way wherein you are saying it. You make it enjoyable and you continue to take care of to stay it
    wise. I can’t wait to learn far more from you.
    This is actually a tremendous site.

    Comment by www.biketouringwiki.com — June 24, 2017 @ 6:08 am

  28. Thanks for finally writing about > Breakup Girl » Dating while positive < Liked it!

    Comment by Lon — June 25, 2017 @ 12:47 am

  29. Hi there, i read your blog occasionally and i
    own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam comments?
    If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can advise?
    I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any help is very
    much appreciated.

    Comment by human hair extension — June 25, 2017 @ 1:41 am

  30. Thanks for a marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it,
    you’re a great author.I will ensure that I bookmark
    your blog and will often come back very soon. I want to encourage you to
    ultimately continue your great writing, have a
    nice holiday weekend!

    Comment by car computer exchange — June 25, 2017 @ 10:32 am

  31. Hey! Would you mind if I share your blog with my twitter group?
    There’s a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content.
    Please let me know. Cheers

    Comment by banks offer savings — June 25, 2017 @ 5:36 pm

  32. My partner and I stumbled over here from a different web address and thought I may
    as well check things out. I like what I see so i am just following you.
    Look forward to looking at your web page yet again.

    Comment by http://tatoo.rexzetsolutions.com/phpfox/index.php/blog/176699/physical-fitness-expo-this-weekend/ — June 26, 2017 @ 4:51 am

  33. If some one wants to be updated with newest technologies then he must be pay a visit this web site and be
    up to date everyday.

    Comment by security services — June 27, 2017 @ 11:05 pm

  34. Somebody essentially lend a hand to make seriously articles I’d
    state. That is the very first time I frequented your web page and to this point?
    I amazed with the analysis you made to make this actual post extraordinary.
    Wonderful activity!

    Comment by Ronny — June 30, 2017 @ 4:53 pm

  35. Wow that was odd. I just wrote an extremely long comment but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear.
    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyhow, just
    wanted to say superb blog!

    Comment by Ariane Slinger — July 8, 2017 @ 3:52 am

  36. Nice response in return of this difficulty with genuine arguments and describing the whole thing about that.

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro Junior — July 13, 2017 @ 8:41 pm

  37. Hi there, I enjoy reading all of your article post.
    I wanted to write a little comment to support you.

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro Junior — July 14, 2017 @ 6:16 pm

  38. Wow, this article is pleasant, my sister is analyzing these
    things, therefore I am going to convey her.

    Comment by Silvia Odete Morani Massad — July 15, 2017 @ 7:20 pm

  39. If you would like to improve your experience just keep visiting this web page
    and be updated with the latest news posted here.

    Comment by Luiz Gastao Bittencourt da Silva — July 17, 2017 @ 12:18 pm

  40. Heya excellent blog! Does running a blog similar to this take a large
    amount of work? I have virtually no knowledge of programming however I was hoping to start my own blog soon.
    Anyhow, if you have any suggestions or tips for new blog owners please share.
    I know this is off subject however I simply needed
    to ask. Many thanks!

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro Junior — July 18, 2017 @ 3:14 am

  41. What’s up to every , for the reason that I am truly keen of
    reading this weblog’s post to be updated regularly.
    It carries nice stuff.

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro Junior — July 18, 2017 @ 5:30 pm

  42. Hi there, You have done an excellent job. I’ll definitely digg it and personally suggest to
    my friends. I’m sure they’ll be benefited from this website.

    Comment by Blanca — July 20, 2017 @ 1:37 am

  43. This design is spectacular! You certainly know how to keep a reader entertained.

    Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog
    (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job. I really loved what you
    had to say, and more than that, how you presented
    it. Too cool!

    Comment by www.youtube.com — July 20, 2017 @ 5:00 pm

  44. Spot on with this write-up, I really believe that
    this web site needs a lot more attention. I’ll probably be
    back again to see more, thanks for the advice!

    Comment by Silvia Odete Morani Massad — July 20, 2017 @ 9:39 pm

  45. It’s going to be finish of mine day, but before end I
    am reading this fantastic piece of writing to improve my know-how.

    Comment by Stephan — July 24, 2017 @ 12:32 am

  46. Hi, every time i used to check webpage posts here in the early hours in the dawn, as i enjoy to learn more and
    more.

    Comment by Lelio Vieira Carneiro Junior — July 26, 2017 @ 12:59 am

  47. Woah! I’m really enjoying the template/theme of this site.
    It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s challenging to get that “perfect balance” between usability and visual appeal.
    I must say you have done a excellent job with this. Additionally, the blog loads very quick for me on Internet
    explorer. Excellent Blog!

    Comment by Stephen — July 26, 2017 @ 9:33 pm

  48. Simply want to say your article is as astounding. The clarity in your post is simply cool and i can assume you are an expert on this subject.
    Fine with your permission let me to grab your feed to keep
    up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the enjoyable work.

    Comment by Glam Seamless — July 26, 2017 @ 10:02 pm

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL

Leave a comment

**Mean or otherwise out-of-line comments will be deleted. That’s just how we roll.

[breakupgirl.net]

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2008 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez

MORE COMICS...

Powered by WordPress