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June 29, 2011

Happy Birthday to Ex

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:17 am

Reestablishing contact on July 6, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

First off I love your page. It’s been a great help to me. Well, I broke up with my boyfriend in March (right after spring break). We really haven’t talked since then and I miss our friendship. Well his birthday is coming up in July and I don’t know if I should tell him Happy Birthday. Do I call him or do I send him a birthday card in the mail or do I even do anything at all? Would it be inappropiate for me to even do this at all? Will his family think less of me if I do or don’t? Please help me make my decision by the middle of July. What do I do?

— Wondering

Dear Wondering,

Actually, sending a birthday card sounds like a perfect way to make a small but nice move toward reconnecting platonically. I wouldn’t call, because if you haven’t talked at all, it might put him on the spot, and you don’t want to hang up the phone with an awkward echo in your ear.

About the card, though: don’t expect a response. I’m not saying he won’t give you one; I’m just saying don’t expect one. Or, to put it another way, don’t make the “success” of your venture contingent upon whether or not he calls you the minute he gets it to thank you for the card and lock of hair. You send it, it’s a nice thing to do, end of story. Oh, and forget about what his parents think, either way; God forbid they should be reading his mail or tallying his birthday correspondence. Finally, when you select the card, keep it simple and pleasant — do not make it MEAN anything — by following these basic guidelines: (1) no 2-layer cards with raised script and inspirational poetry, (2) no crass jokes, and (3) no Ziggy.

Breakup Girl


  1. Have to agree with BG, a small gesture like a card or a text is a perfect way to start reconnecting. It’s been months to give him some time to move on and I think that’s what needs to happen first. Definitely reach out, you’ve got nothing to lose and maybe a friendship to gain :)

    Comment by Nick — June 30, 2011 @ 4:08 pm

  2. […] Source: http://www.breakupgirl.net/?p=5975 […]

    Pingback by Happy Birthday to Ex — July 8, 2011 @ 6:46 am

  3. Now it is usually women who do all the texting, blokes don’t usually think of things like trying to reconnect on a birthday, it isn’t because they don’t want to, it is purely because they do not think!

    Comment by dieweihnachtskarte.de — September 12, 2011 @ 4:51 pm

  4. […] Send the card, kiddo. But first read my letters to you guys about what not to expect. […]

    Pingback by Breakup Girl » Looking for another chance — and not finding it — October 18, 2012 @ 9:39 am

  5. “Breakup Girl Happy Birthday to Ex” http://maggiematela.com was indeed a very good article and I actually was very joyful to locate it.

    Comment by yahoo.com — March 4, 2013 @ 3:14 pm

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