e-mail to a friend in needRevenge: Eh, not so sweet
Recently on CNN.com: An exploration of post-breakup revenge, featuring an unflattering anecdote about Teri Garr.
“Vengeance can be appealing when a relationship ends badly. But should you indulge?” writes FOBG Anna Jane Grossman, author of It’s Not You, It’s Me. “Revenge fantasies are normal, says Jeffrey Kaye, a San Francisco psychologist who specializes in couples counseling. ‘There is a certain element of wanting to set things right according to some universal truth — an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.”
Yes! But! Keyword: fantasies. Kaye goes on: “When revenge is acted out on the other person and not just fantasized about, it can be quite destructive and self-defeating.’” That includes cutting up his suits and ties, which the article says is actually illegal.
Yeah. Sorry. The best form of revenge, in my book, is to immediately be successful in all areas of your life. Failing that, well, read BG’s full treatise on revenge — or lack thereof — which does offer some alternatives you might call “more taste, more fulfilling.” There are more revenge-related letters here, too. There’s also this instructive adventure, in which BG teams up with The Classy Avenger to right some wrongs, right. Oh, and don’t miss Mr. Wronged (scroll down for title), in which getting even gets animated!
What about you? Any instances you were glad you did NOT cave to the impulse to Oreo his car? Any evil plans you drew up but did not execute? Or, any tales of SUPREMELY ELEGANT revenge, like my friend who left all the beloved art on her pretentious ex’s walls just a teeny, seasickly bit crooked? Or my friend who did absolutely nothing, leaving his ex to wonder, smarting, why she wasn’t worth avenging in the first place?
He claimed I didn’t pay for anything, so when I left, I took all the stuff I bought. Like, every roll of toilet paper in the house, all the tissues and paper towels, toothpaste, laundry soap…all the food and any other grocery item he seemed to think I didn’t buy. Apparently those necessities just materialize out of nowhere when you want them.
Comment by Me — April 2, 2008 @ 2:11 pm
When I wanted to revenge, I made sure I didn’t lose dignity. I didn’t want to crash him and then make myself look like a crazy jerk. He might have said - thank God I chose not to move on with this bitch - She is horrible! I am a decent professional. I deserve a great life ahead without him. Back then I just said the things (some tough words but nothing insulting) I wanted to say, and then he could not come back with any excuses. If you smell something funny in the relationship, it’s better to address it earlier, rather than to hope there is nothing wrong. Confrontation is rarely comfortable for both parties, but it may disclose the truth in a relationship. People may adapt, trying to work things out, or he or she just does not want to be bothered. In the latter, it’s better to end the relationship, rather than let it roll a long way until it ends badly, when you are emotionally exhausted.
Comment by Melly — April 4, 2008 @ 3:43 am
I dated a guy starting in high school on and off for about 8 years. Ultimately he ended up breaking up with me rather than proposing engagement. He told me I put him down and that I didn’t like him for who he was. He dumped me for a girl who made him change the friends he hung out with, the music he listened to and the extracurricular activities (such as sports) he participated in. They dated 3 months and were engaged within 6 months. They married within 14 months. Within 3 months of marriage they were seperated because he went back to his old ways and in 6 months the marriage was annulled because she felt she didn’t know who she married. I moved 2000 miles away from him to get my graduate degree where I met and later married a fellow classmate that I am still married to 8 years later. I didn’t have to lift a finger to get my just desserts. The next girl took care of it for me. He called me in graduate school to try to get back together with me but I wouldn’t take his phone calls. He now knows what it feels like to be dumped by the person they believed they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. The best revenge is to live well!
Comment by Rose — April 8, 2008 @ 6:52 pm
I suspected my boyfriend of straying so I guessed his pager pin code and listened to his pager messages. He had received pages from a girl that gave her number out to only 2 people. One of which was my boyfriend at the time. I found out her number and started paging it at all ours of the night and day. Constant paging. She got so mad she said she was going to call the police on my boyfriend because she said he’s the only one who could be doing it as no one else had her pager number. Her best friend (a guy that was the only other person to have her pager number) ended up blowing up at my boyfriend and they ended up in a fist fight over it. Not only did the girl no longer want to talk to my boyfriend but he changed his mind as well. They never found out that I was the one who was paging her. I felt bad they got into a fist fight, but I got over it.
Comment by Kathy — April 8, 2008 @ 6:59 pm
[...] of this website, see the words “breakup” and “.net,” and — without a further glance – think, “Oh! That must be a place that encourages the posting of vengeful, personal, [...]
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