Meeting the parents on October 5,1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Here’s one I haven’t yet run across in your advice column…say you have a great relationship in every way, but as it evolves you find out the Jew/Gentile thing prohibits a future (read: marriage/living together). So why is he letting you both get in deeper when he knows he can’t take you home to meet his mother because you’re not ‘ethnic’ enough??? But you’re both so far into adulthood that how to raise any children isn’t even an issue and you both know that nothing this good has ever come along for either of you? Should the taboo against marrying a Gentile outweigh a chance for a dynamite love and friendship? I’ve pondered this for several years, still no peace of mind on this one. Thanks.

–Too WASP But Willing to Change

Dear WASP,

For this question about meeting the mother, how about we meet with Breakup Mom?

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From BG’s alter ego, writing in the New York Daily News:

What was that alligator doing running loose last weekend in Queens? Perhaps officials should question my mother.

When my father was courting her, which was back when people still said “courting,” he spent a summer teaching in Florida. That was also back when one could actually mail baby Florida alligators up North as scaly souvenirs. And so, in lieu of flowers, Dad sent one to my mom.

A teddy bear, sure. Live lobsters, yum. But an alligator? What was he thinking? What genius expert gave that dating tip? (“Fellas: Win her heart with random cruelty!”) Surely Dad knew that his intended was, like him (despite appearances), an animal lover — but with a much less sturdy constitution and a much more bleeding heart. How could he possibly have reasoned that this reptilian keepsake would give her the fuzzies? (Continued…)