I ask you, have times become so tough that this is what we have come to?

Q. How does a 45-year-old woman compete for a job with a 25-year-old in today’s fiercely competitive market?

A. With employment enhancement packages — including new boobs and body!

Aaaaand we quote, from an actual! press! release! received here at BG HQ promoting a “Job Fighter Package,” in which a Park Avenue plastic surgeon helps “men and women gain the edge on their competition with their new, cosmetically enhanced looks.” (Specifically, as we’re sure you noted, of their “boobs and body.”)

The release also plays bizarro matchmaker with industry and body part:

Are you trying to land a job in the finance industry? The eyes speak volumes about you — get an eye lift.

Looking for a job as an Executive Administrative Assistant? Consider a boob job and a butt lift to ensure you won’t be forgotten after the interview.

Eager to get back into the real estate game? Go for a face lift to get that fresh faced, polished look.

Hoping to get into PR? Just … don’t.

From a crispy-in-milk tipster: “Most guys can talk about cereal the way most women can talk about shoes. Jimmy what-nows? I don’t know, but let me tell you about what happened when Honeycomb changed its formula….”.

Right-o. (Or should I say Urkel-O?) (No. No one should ever say Urkel-O.)

So: study this exhaustive tribute to discontinued cereals in order to solve (or add to) a bit of gender mystery about the King Vitaman in your life.

A sweet story-slam love story, with (a) a great what-you-gotta-do-when-crazy-love-happens message (see subject line) and (b) a shoutout to Park Slope, locus of the Studio Apartment of Justice!

Today’s NYT: Father, son, and father’s ex (son’s mother) — not to mention father’s parents, plus bonus parrot — with names like Phoenix, Mercury, and Coke Wisdom, live in super-quirky aggro-boho splendor in a vast spread in the Upper West Side’s fabled Ansonia.

“Sunny is not the first ex-girlfriend of Coke’s who has lived with us,” [Coke’s mother] said. She later added, “I think she’s quite resentful that Coke brings girlfriends home,” she said. (Dude!) “What he needs to do, in my opinion, is get a studio and sometimes have girls over there.”

But Coke’s hookups aren’t the only folks who wind up spending the night. “They take in strays,” said [a friend]. “When I say that, I mean that — dogs, cats, people. It’s just they’re totally open.”

Example:

Georgia O’Neal [Coke’s sister], now an organic farmer in Loudoun County, Va., recalled coming home after college to find a handsome, guitar-playing friend of Coke’s camped out on the living room floor. She wound up dating him for two years. “People would ask me, ‘Where did you meet your boyfriend?’ ” she said. “And I was like, ‘I met him sleeping on the floor of my parents’ living room.’”

So if you’re looking to meet someone, perhaps knock on their door? According to the Times, they’re in 11L.

Here’s Meghan on dating while McCain:

One extreme fan of my mother’s recently told me I could be “his Cindy.” And then asked me if I ever wore pearls because they probably would look as good on me as they do on my mother. No, I’m not kidding. Any guy that has a fetish for older women in pantsuits and large pearls obviously only finds my last name attractive about me.

Read more on her blog at The Daily Beast — and more from BG on being bipartisan-curious!

Am I the only one who finds this “Love Sic” advice kind of beautiful?

From the real-life superhero files, a superhero so super-secret even his pseudonym has a pseudonym.

From a super-secret interview on Alibi.com:

Q: Will you ever stop? What would make you consider leaving the hero role?

A. It would take a crippling injury or maybe getting married.

Bonus:

He says his [real] moniker is a literary allusion — let the guessing commence!

“Beware the incredible RYE CATCHER!”
“Halt or feel the verbal might of THE MOCKING BIRDKILLER!
“You’ve just been pressed by THE GRAPE WRAITH!”

Got any more?

Via The Frisky:

Sure, the Web has made many aspects of our lives easier, but it’s also complicated a few things—specifically, how we date, flirt and meet potential love interests. And while the date movie du jour, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” may seem a few years behind, we’ve pulled together a helpful up-to-date guide to Flirting 2.0.

Click here for excellent graphic flow chart.

BG is loving the single moms on American Idol right now (thanks to all-time fave Fantasia — and Nikki McKibbin, too — for paving the way!). I also just happened to e-meet this single momma, who (a) moved to Kentucky for love, but (b) hasn’t forgotten where she came from; she founded and runs the social network i heart single parents, which you should definitely check out. Searching in New Hampshire, I’m talking to you!

You know your “porn name,” but what about your first album? BuzzFeed offers this amazingly effective recipe using the power of the internet:

1. Band name = Random article from Wiki
2. Album title =  Last 4 or 5 words from The Quotation Page’s random quotes
3. Album cover = Whatever the third picture is on Flickr’s “explore the last 7 days” page

Here’s what I came up with: