My boyfriend and I discussed getting free and anonymous HIV tests together. He agreed that it would be a good idea. We always practice safe sex. However, we broke up during Christmas and I made the mistake of sleeping with someone else unprotected. I haven’t told anyone else about this other guy because I am so ashamed. I haven’t even told my best friend. I feel scared.
Now, my boyfriend has decided that he doesn’t want to get tested together. I don’t even know if he wants to get tested at all. He consistently avoids or changes the subject every time I bring it up. What should I do? It is always on my mind. I am scared to go alone (partly because I hate needles). Please help!
“When Sasha and Vivian started asking questions a year or so ago, I read them a pop-up book about the sperm and the egg and what married people do when they really, really love each other and the daddy remembers to take out the recycling without the mommy asking and the mommy doesn’t emasculate the daddy by making snide comments about his earning potential.”
It’s sort of a necessity once you hit the age — you know, the age between “boys/girls have cooties” and “I’m pregnant!” — that your school district (one hopes, anyway) starts flooding the lesson-plan infrastructure with talks about SEX and CONDOMS and VAGINAS. OH MY GOD. (My mom used to call them “pookies,” by the way, so from my childhood on, anytime I met a furry friend or stuffed animal with that name I burst into hysterics. Nobody got it.) Anyway. Planned Parenthood, as you may know, also — especially where schools and other grownups drop the ball — tries to help teens muddle through the skeery, scary world of sex. (Free condoms are part of the deal too, so I’ve heard.)
But have you seen their latest sex-ed videos? Wow, are they not the usual “If you respect me the way I respect me you’ll wait.” They include: a goofy sense of irony, a doofy mustachioed man, and — somehow — the line, “Hey, a horse is a majestic creature!” The allure lies in … well, not Mustache Guy, but in the meta-: the (finally!) successful attempt to bring humor to oodginess and taboo. Win/win: Planned Parenthood gets their message across, and teenagers across the nation sigh deeply with relief knowing that, armed with this knowledge about STIs and more, they can totally tune out their parents.
When it comes to sex smarts, the youngish generation has — at least in theory — an advantage. We come from the school of sex ed that — never mind the condoms passed out like candy and the environmentally evil towers of pamphlets — scared the living crap out of us with horrifyingly explicit medical details and threat of death by French kiss.
So at least we came out with bit of a clue. But (never mind these folks) what about those who went before? A new study has revealed that the rates of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) among those over 45 more than doubled in less than a decade. Genital warts was most commonly diagnosed; men in general and people between the ages of 55 and 59 were significantly more likely to have an STI than anyone else.
Experts say that once you’re beyond fearing pregnancy (or so you might think) it’s easy to forget that you need protection for, you know, other stuff. They also stress the importance of equating sexual health only with young people.
“The almost exclusive focus on the sexual health of young people has tended to ignore older age groups, who are also at risk,†say the study’s authors. “Programmes aimed at preventing sexually transmitted infections should be tailored toward different age groups and do more to dispel myths and assumptions about the level of sexual activity among older age groups.â€
How many times have teachers heard their students ask, “When am I going to need to know this?” From trigonometry to the periodic table, there are many lessons we learn in school that don’t exactly pop up in real life. We spend hours, years, decades on homework for math and science class…but what about learning the simple equation of boy + girl? What about the finding the happy solution for love + family+ career?
A recent article in the New York Times revealed that Singapore — whose population is shrinking due to an alarmingly low birth rate — is now teaching just such a class. “Love Relations For Life: A Journey of Romance, Love and Sexuality” is a college course designed to teach students the art of finding and maintaining a romantic relationship. The goal is for Singapore’s “desirable” women to marry “desirable” men and populate the country with “desirable” children. It’s actually one of many programs designed by Singapore’s government to encourage educated young people to nurture relationships and have prosperous families as opposed to focusing only on career. From sponsored moonlight cruises to tea party dances, Singapore’s government has practically become a desperate mother, matching up her aging children and then constantly asking, “When will I have grandchildren?”
While the United States may not have a comparable population crisis, our high divorce rate doesn’t exactly suggest that we have it together in the relationship department. What kind of Love Ed, if any, should be offered in U.S. schools? Have you had any such class? What was it like? Did you at least do your homework?
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Better safe than sorry on March 9, 1998…
