e-mail to a friend in needLightening the Bolt
A question of timing from December 16, 1997…
Dear Breakup Girl,
Is it best to break up with her when you know it won’t last, just to end it on good terms?
– Jon
Dear Jon,
It’s best to break up with her when you know it won’t last, period. Breakup Girl does not endorse impulsive breakups — hasty, nasty little spasms attributable to moon phases, mood swings, mood rings, and such (as in “I hate the way s/he blinks. It’s over”). Breakup Girl does, however, encourage swift — yet sensible, sensitive — action on breakups waiting (if not begging) to happen, especially if someone might be leading someone on. Still, even a timely jilt does not automatically produce “good terms” — at least not necessarily right away. But you’re on the right track.
Love,
Breakup Girl
I have a slightly different take on this. I think it’s best to communicate that it won’t last, when you realize it, but that doesn’t mean it has to be over right away. What if you both say, “Okay, we’ve got an expiration date, but we’re having fun at the moment and we’re both on the same page about it”? As long as the lines of communication are open, if you’re currently enjoying each other’s company, it doesn’t have to be immediate Splitsville. Just keep those lines open, and make sure you’re both being honest with each other (and yourselves) about why you’re hanging around.
Comment by Optimist — February 27, 2008 @ 7:41 am