e-mail to a friend in needHow to break up on Facebook
“Muffy is no longer in a relationship with Biff.” It’s the Facebook news feed from hell! On the one hand, it’s an easy way to tell all your friends. On the other, it’s an easy way to tell all your “friends.” And to get one million “What happened?!” messages that you really, really don’t feel like answering.
Wired magazine to the rescue! From this month’s issue: “Next time you split, in the ‘News Feed and Mini-Feed’ section of your profile settings, change ‘In a Relationship’ to the default ‘Select Status.’ But there’s a hitch [or not]: Your ex’s Mini-Feed will display an update in their relationship status, tipping off the gossip hounds…. You have no choice but to ask your former boo to delete it, ASAP.” Sigh. Remember when all it took to finalize a breakup was a really long and drawn-out and painful conversation?
So, I’m 105 years old, and this kind of thing never even occurred to me until recently. For months after joining Facebook (at the behest of readers who are not 105 years old), I had my relationship status listed as “It’s complicated” with one of the other blogs I write for — ’cause hey, it seemed funny at the time. Then my boyfriend joined Facebook and I changed it to say I’m in a relationship with him — ’cause hey, I am.
I had no idea this would send out a message to everyone saying, “Kate Harding has ended her relationship with Ask the Blondes,” and I’d start getting e-mails from people wondering what the hell happened and why I was leaving the blog and if I’m fighting with my co-blogger there, etc. Oy.
I cannot even freakin’ imagine handling an actual break-up that way. It makes getting dumped by text message look kind of retro-sweet.
Comment by Kate Harding — March 10, 2008 @ 10:34 pm
Fear not, old and wise one! The headline may have been a bit misleading: this technique is not so much about delivering the news of a breakup to your (formerly) intended; it’s about how to manage the resulting PR. LIke, after you break up — in person, people!* — THEN you have to go deal with all your Facebook business. And when you change your relationship status, Facebook tells ALL your friends, which may or may not be a good thing. To me it’s always seemed incongruous on the news feed: “Pam has played Scrabulous, Joe has posted on Susie’s Fun Wall, and Ethan is no longer married to Fifi.” What?! So this is about how to manage THAT gracefully. Techno-fallout at its finest. Hope that helps you UN-age a few years.
Comment by Breakup Girl — March 11, 2008 @ 5:00 am
[...] pick up my rotary phone and proceed to break hearts. Kids these days! All they have to do is change their Facebook status! Though, I suppose there’s always room for creativity, like the woman who was dumped on Wikipedia [...]
Pingback by Breakup Girl » Will u marry me? :) — May 8, 2008 @ 1:28 pm
How to break up on facebook discretely (i.e. avoiding a mention on the news-feed):
http://www.lifehacker.com.au/tips/2008/03/14/disable_your_relationship_stat.html
Comment by Jerome — May 13, 2008 @ 1:39 am
I have heard some crazy stories about people breaking up or getting into massive arguments due to FB and MySpace posts (mine included). So if you know anyone that is interested in posting their story have them visit http://www.facebookfights.com the place to tell us all about it -
Comment by Fighter — November 13, 2008 @ 12:53 am
i really want to break up with my boyfriend but he won’t answer his phone, hes not aswering texts or emails. Should i just send him a message on facebook? or is that too harsh? please help me!!
Comment by Confused — July 29, 2010 @ 9:38 am
@Confused…. Well, if he’s gone completely off the grid, it sounds like a formal “breakup” — though generally the right thing to do — would be a little redundant. If he ever deigns to get back in touch, you can confirm that in fact, you’re long gone. Sorry.
Comment by BG — July 29, 2010 @ 10:37 am