What should I get my boyfriend for Christmas? We have been only going out for a month but we are serious.
— Michelle
Dear Michelle,
Well, missy, if you’ve been going out for only a month, then Breakup Girl knows this guy about as well as you do. But your letter does highlight a common problem: meeting someone just before a major gift-giving holiday. There’s also the less common (but perhaps more serious) problem of meeting someone just before a non-gift-giving holiday, and giving him something anyway — planting a tree in his honor on Arbor Day, for example.
This Christmas I’ve been naughty AND nice. Two problems plague this romantic heart. I’ve been “nice” and supportive of an internet friend for two years now, the shoulder and the punching bag through thick and thin and foggy. We’ve met, declared long distance love on the eve and morn of our virginity, and been hunky-dory up till the twelve days before Christmas. But now the stuffing in my stocking is in another the-world-hates-me spin. My patience wears thin.
Now your favorite, the “naughty.” She’s 17, I’m 26 [you sigh here]. Girlfriends have been very rare on the granted end of my wish list (see: 26, virgin until recently) and the charm of this first girl only just began to wear thin/thick. Until now it’s been two kindred souls gulfed only by age and distance. I know my patience will be rewarded if I can only get back into the spirit of past, present and future, but it’s so difficult sometimes loving someone through monosyllables and gloomy glums. Time and experience will solve our yule-tide blues, but what can this elf do in-between seasons?
For two years in a row I have been dumped on December 1 (true fact). Do you think the secret for me is to find love is to skip town next time 12/1 comes around?
–Dumped in December
Dear Dumped in December,
Skipping town will not help. December 1 is recognized – internationally and historically – as (and here’s Breakup Girl’s positive spin) a day of independence.
On that day in history:
(1640) Portugal regains independence after 60 years of Spanish rule
(1821) Santo Domingo (Dominican Republic) declares independence from Spain
(1918) Iceland becomes independent state under the Danish crown
(1973) Australia grants self-government to Papua New Guinea
(1978) President Carter more than doubles national park system size (“needed space”)
(1991) Ukrainian people vote for independence
(1997) Dumped in December writes to Breakup Girl
The best I can tell you is next time – and yeah, buddy, these things come in threes — check Any-Day-In History to determine how your breakup actually fits into a grand historical timeline. You might also find some solace in the fact that your ex shares a birthday with, say, Mussolini, or Charo.
Filed under: Comedy,TV — posted by Chris @ 8:55 am
We here at breakupgirl.net are big fans of the Muppets. Consciously or unconsciously their particular brand of humor — innocent-yet-smart, never mean, and not afraid to be dorky — has influenced the adventures of Breakup Girl. Last night, after watching the newest Muppet Christmas special, Letters to Santa, on NBC, I watched the first Muppet Christmas special, on YouTube. The Great Santa Claus Switch was a special episode of the Ed Sullivan Show (putting it in legal limbo and unavailable on home video) produced in 1970 just as Sesame Street was taking off, and some jolly old soul has posted the hour show in six parts on YouTube.
Bonus!The music is by Joe Raposo; And look for the first appearance of Gonzo The Great (as Snarl the Frackle).
Filed under: Comedy,TV — posted by Chris @ 9:30 am
If you haven’t been paying attention, Current TV, Al Gore’s user-generated news channel (“cable access for wonks”), has begun interrupting its endless stream of QuickTime clips with something called “tv programs” — so last century! Not that we’re complaining; One such foray into less-new media is infoMania, a collection of satirical bits by regular contributors (Daily Show-meets-YouTube) which has given us the lovely Sarah Haskins. Her Target Women series skewers how the media reaches out to women, and her newest target is holiday Jewelry commercials:
There’s nothing that says “I love you” to a woman like a diamond. Nope, not even the words “I love you.”
We here at breakupgirl.net are not generally supportive of looking for dates on CraigsList–and certainly not the kind you have to pay for–but here’s an opportunity that’s a little different:
In order to raise some cash for Xmas gifts, Kristen Walters of Austin, Texas is auctioning off a date with her hot twin brothers! Kristen can’t babysit or mow lawns because of her muscular dystrophy, so she had to get creative. Big brother Rob was eager to help, and Ryan reluctantly agreed, reports News 8.
The auction ends Friday, and the date would be Saturday night. One brother is a web developer and the other is a firefighter–something for everybody! The bid is currently $300.
(Breakup Girl’s New Year’s Resolution: Must use power of the internet to enable hot sibling redistribution.)
A new British study of 1,031 women aged 45-60 suggests that women feel their sexiest at age 34. Also, while women in their twenties and thirties are having the most sex, women in their forties and fifties are enjoying it more.
“The fact that over half of those quizzed said they had better sex now than in their 20s and 30s suggests that these women are more confident and self-assured than they were in their younger days and aren’t afraid of getting what they want.”
This is good news for older women, and better news for me, who has been sitting on this blog title for three weeks.
My now-ex-girlfriend and I broke up two weeks after I left for college. She is in high school and said that she didn’t feel she could wait for me and watch her senior year pass her by. She is very popular and gets many guys but both she and I know that I’m the one she was happy with.
We went out for a year and I couldn’t believe she now just wanted to date. It has now been about two months since we broke up and a month since I’ve talked to her. She never was one to express herself. But I still seem to want her back. Can I get her back? Should I get her back? Should I talk to her over Christmas break or just continue wondering how she feels? Please help me.
My first job post-college involved coordinating continuing education programs for childbirth educators. Amniotic fluid and doulas rocked my world. No really, the whole thing shook me up. One of the more positive experiences of my entry into career-land was meeting Debra Pascali-Bonaro, the brains behind the new documentary “Orgasmic Birth.” The film entertains the idea that childbirth could actually be enjoyable, even pleasurable. Pascali-Bonaro suggests “the best kept secret” of childbirth is that as a baby exits the birth canal, the woman can experience an orgasm. Eager to know more? Check out the film on January 2 on ABC’s 20/20. Talk about being optimistic in the New Year.
Fer rills, yo, that’s what a booty-call buddy once said to me late at night when I was already in his bed and awaiting our usual pillow romp. In fact, he used that sexcuse (I just made up that word) for a good week and a half, until I finally decided this guy was either a) kinda gay, b) hellbent on annihilating my self-esteem, or c) a full-on, French royalty hemophiliac.
How do you think that one compares to these lame-o sex dodges guys use?
e-mail to a friend in need
Let’s wrap on December 29, 1997…
