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February 20

Dumpees Without Boundaries

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 6:15 am

Classic letterProlonged agony from December 16, 1997…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I was recently dumped by a guy that I went out with for quite some time. Even though I agreed with him that breaking up was the right thing to do (and I really thought I meant it!) I can’t get over him now. I still have to see him quite often since we have a lot of the same friends, and it kills me to see him with anyone else. My friends are also sick of hearing about everything. What should I do to get over him once and for all?
— Still Lusting

Dear Lusting,
Don’t second-guess yourself; I’m sure you did mean it when you agreed that breaking up was the right thing. But breakups are Mixed Feelings City (slogan: “I never want to see you again…unless you’re wearing those jeans”) — and right now, you’re the mayor.

Anyway, I’m guessing that you’re trying to be all head-held-high and normal — to not make it into a Big Thing by avoiding him. It’s a respectable impulse, but it’s counterproductive. In this situtation, presence makes the heart grow fonder. If you’re still hanging around with the same people, all getting together for Must-See TV as if nothing had changed, you’re not engaged in the process of figuring out who you are without him. (Also, what is he doing bringing in interlopers so soon? Eeeuuww. Bad manners.)

So, two words: Cold turkey. Skip the group activities for a while. Your friends will understand; they’re sick of you anyway (kidding, kidding). But you don’t have to go into isolation — make plans with smaller subsets of friends (but no icky couples!). Being without him for a while is the only way to get used to … being without him.
Breakup Girl

P.S. Bonus activity: if this kind of girly moon goddessy thing works for you, create and perform a symbolic “once and for all” ritual. This may involve: incantations, interpretive dance, burial of significant item(s) (keys to his Jetta), consumption of hallucinatory potion (gimlet, melted Chubby Hubby, etc.) Whatever works.


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