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December 1

Hooking up with my roommate

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:09 am

livingtogetherOut of order on September 7, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Here’s my situation. A few months ago, I moved into an apartment with a really good friend of mine, I’ll call her “Ann.” I liked living with her. We got along fine and we never fought about anything. I’ve always considered her one of my best friends, and although we flirted a bit it was nothing serious, just friend stuff. Anyway, a while back the two of us went out partying and had a bit too much to drink. We got back home…and, well you get the idea.

Normally I think I could handle this. Spending the night with someone doesn’t mean you have to get married or anything. The problem is, we both decided to try and make a go of an actual relationship. I realize this was a mistake now, but at the time it made sense.

Anyway, it was nice for about a month, but now things are really screwed up. In reality, my relationship with “Ann” is at a point were we barely speak to each other. I really have no idea how THAT happened! All I can say is that being friends with someone and dating that person are totally totally different things. It doesn’t help that she’s VERY hard to talk to.

So right now I just don’t know how I feel about her. She’s one of my closest friends and I care about her a lot, but I don’t know how to handle this situation. I miss just being friends with her, but at the same time I miss being more-than-friends with her.

What do I do!?!?

— John

Dear John,

Hoo boy. Yeah, see, normally, living together is something you do after you hook up. And yeah, hooking up is something you do after you … drink. So there you are. But I’m not convinced that you, like, totally messed up that badly; hey, there are/were feelings there, and you did what (whom) seemed right at the time. I am convinced, however, that nothing’s going to get better as long as you two are passing each other mutely in the hallway and “forgetting” to give each other messages, you know? Living together is totally making everything — whatever “everything” is — worse. So: this might sound drastic, but if an immediate move is out of the question, could you consider, like, an emergency temporary apartment swap with someone (tip: not someone who wants to hook up with Ann)? Just to clear the air, to see what, if anything — platonic or romantic — you can salvage? Decide where to live, then decide how to feel.

Breakup Girl


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