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December 15

I think my crush is gay

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:36 am

Crushed on September 7, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

My dilemma sounds a lot like the movie “The Object of My Affection.” You know, the one where Jennifer Aniston falls in love with her gay best friend, played by Paul Rudd? Well anyways, my problem is that I have a huge crush on my guy friend. He’s wonderful, sweet, and shy. We can talk about anything with each other. The problem, as you probably guessed, is that he’s gay. Well, actually, he’s just very confused. Lately, he says he’s been experiencing an attraction to other men, and this really concerns and scares him. But I’m completely in love with him, and I don’t know what to do. He thinks there’s also a chance he’s bisexual. Should I be hoping for this? Is it possible to have a meaningful relationship with someone who’s attracted to both sexes?

— Paige

Dear Paige,

Hey men, are you paying attention? Sometimes we DO fall in love with the Sweet Friend Guy. In fact, BG loves Paul Rudd with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns (met him at a party, he couldn’t be nicer). So there.

And as for you, Paige: to bi or not to bi? Well, Belleruth says that in her professional experience, most guys who say they are bi are gay. With women it seems more genuinely ambiguous, at least in many instances. (“But who the hell knows, really,” she adds.)

She also says: “I guess you should try to back off and give him lots of room, cause he could even wind up being with you but always having one eye open for the next snack cake guy that comes down the pike. And who needs that??”

Also, you might want to do a quick survey of your taste in guys. On the one hand, it’s pretty likely that this guy simply rules, so duh, of course you’re in love. But there could also be some sort of pattern occurring. Do you go for gay guys? Guys you are intense friends with first? Confused guys? Might be a useful thing for you to look at. So that next time — if you try to rewrite the script a little bit — you might find yourself in a plot where the girl (not the guy) does get the guy.

Breakup Girl


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