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March 20

Not benefitting from friends-with-benefits situation

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:25 am

A return customer from September 28, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Yes, it is I, Lisa, once again, from the Jessica / Sherman thing. And normally I would hate you completely and never read your column again for leaving my on the edge of my seat waiting for a SMALL response. But you’re truly lucky, because now I have a bigger predicament.

I have know this guy *call him Stephen* for three years, and we have been the sweetest of friends. I’ve always gone to his house on Friday nights and played video games all night, and he’d attend all my cheerleading competitions. It has been the sweetest. The strange thing about our relationship is that we’re sexually active. We fool around pretty much every chance we get, and it’s pretty much a secret, only his best friend and my best friend know about it.

Anyways, this new girl moved in recently *call her Desiree*. Of course Stephen hooked up with her, which I was happy about. But I warned her beforehand that Stephen doesn’t date girls for too long.

So yesterday we were going to the video store when him and his friend T started talking about how everyone should quit talking about me and Stephen. So I asked what was going on and they clued me in that he dumped her yesterday, and now everyone is talking about beating me up because I supposedly broke them up.

I had a talk with the people that have been saying these things and tried to convince them that I feel no more for Stephen than friendship, but underneath that I feel horrible. I really like Desiree and the fact that I have been having sex with Stephen through all of his girlfriends really bothers me. Do you think I should stop having sex with Stephen? I’m afraid that if I do, we won’t have anything else to do and it’ll be awkward, but I’m afraid that if I don’t, I’ll feel bad about it.

PLEASE help me Breakup Girl, you know I’m a faithful reader.

— Lisa

Dear Lisa,

At the risk of sounding snippy, I think you may actually have read only a “small” part of my response. Like, not the part where I poured my heart out worrying about you all running around having sex with each other (or at least talking a big game). And here’s why I think you should stop having sex with Stephen, Desiree or no Desiree, awkward or not. Most important: He is having sex with more than one person at once. Don’t make me give you a speech about why this is WICKED SCARY AND STUPID FOR BOTH OF YOU. Also: Lisa, I want you to have sex. LATER. And specifically: with someone with whom you do feel more than friendship. Like, A LOT more. With someone with whom you can have a big grownup conversation about love and committment and monogamy and latex. With someone you don’t have to keep secret. I don’t mean to preach, Lisa. It’s that I also so don’t want you to not know what you’re missing.

Breakup Girl


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