Chasing perfection on November 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

HELP ME! I have been in love with…let’s call him “Jeff”…for ALL OF MY LIFE! Okay…just six years of my life. We attend the same church, but just this fall he moved to Indiana to go to college. He’s soooo fine…and sooo smart….and sooo dedicated to God (can’t find a guy like that just anywhere, can you?). Anyway, I’ve tried to keep my obsession secret, but the ENTIRE church KNOWS! Even his family! His mom and sister and grandmother all love me to death and even invite me to family functions…and to pick him up at the airport this weekend. *happy sigh* I didn’t go, though. *sad sigh* In the entire six years I’ve loved him, he has spoken to me…maybe 10 times. I know it sounds crazy…but I feel such a connection with him. Like we’re meant to be. Only he doesn’t know it…yet.

What should I do, Breakup Girl? No guy I know or could EVER know could be as wonderful, or kind, or compassionate, or PERFECT as Jeff. I compare everyone to him…and no one could ever take his place in my life. He is the MAIN object of my affection.

I know, I know…there is no hope whatsoever. The longest conversation I’ve ever had with him is when I asked him what he was bringing to a party. I also know he knows about my crush on him. It’s SO obvious. But today!!! GET THIS! HE WAVED AT ME! (Go me, go me…go Jeffy!)

Is this all so immature? I’m not some silly junior high girl. I’m a junior in high school for crying out loud! Do I just have some strange mental complex that makes my knees go weak just at the sight of Jeff?

What’s wrong with me? Should I just GET OVER him? I can’t do that…too hard. I would rather just sit here and admire from afar than come out and tell him everything. Am I doomed for six more years of loving him, putting him on a pedestal, and worshipping him? Or will I ever get over my first true love?

— Hopelessly Devoted to Jeff

Dear Devoted,

You’re fundamentally the same as “Depressed,” [below] — just a whole lot jauntier. Answer BG this: what space is Jeff’s buff self filling? See, if Jeff is so larger than life, then there’s only negative space left in your life for all the other important stuff (including boys who don’t live in Indiana and whom you’ve spoken to more than ten times). When you’re logging his waves (psyche!) what are you not doing? Not leaving yourself open to the possibility (eek!) of dating an Actual Boy? Not doing your homework, but having a really good reason why (“strange mental complex,” yadda yadda)? Not facing the fact that you’ve got to get your act together for college (don’t even think of doing a Felicity)? Hmm. All worth mulling over.

And here’s another idea: let’s demote Jeff from Hercules to … homework. What is it, really, that you like about him? Kindness? Compassion? Religion? Make a list to find out what’s important to you in a boy… and you may also find out that those traits are pretty solid universal stuff, not all that unique to your Mr. Universe. I’m sure you think he looks like a model, so let him be just that: not a basis for an impossible, doomed-to-fail comparison, but as the embodiment (mmm…body!) of the good stuff you’ll be looking for … in the next guy the entire church will know about.

Love,
Breakup Girl