Not getting the message on November 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

There is this girl whom I’ve known for quite awhile and have liked romantically but still haven’t got anywhere with her other than just being friends. To combine problems she lives in another state but I do see her on a regular basis. She is moving in the near future and I have suggested that she to move closer to me. Anyway, the problem I have is her mixed signals. I read your advice on just asking and I have tried hard to get a response. I have backed her into a corner (so to speak) to get a response about whether she wants me romantically or wants me to just to be friends. She doesn’t say anything either way. I always give her an opportunity to back out and she never does. I have been the “nice guy” without trying too hard like you suggested. I have tested the waters by sending her flowers and gifts without too much of a response either way. I do really like this girl but it seems to be a one sided deal and would like a reponse either way. If she doesn’t like me I would like to hear it from her, instead of always being accommodating. What do you suggest I do to win her over (if that’s possible) ?

— Joe

Dear Joe,

If you’ve sent her flowers and gifts and invitations to move closer to you, and she hasn’t responded with anything definite, those signals are not mixed. They are also — brace yourself — not good. You’re right, it would be nice if she’d be forthright. But she probably thinks that being forthright would not, in fact, be nice. So. Start looking closer to home. For someone with signals that are closer to good.

Love,
Breakup Girl