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October 16

Am I flaking out, or is she?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:20 am

A long way from home on November 9, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

OK, my girlfriend and I have been together for close to 3 years. This fall, I had to go to Europe (work- related) for a few months, which I figured would be no big deal. I’ve been in long distance relationships before, and was convinced that this one wouldn’t be a problem, no second-guessing, no fear of cheating, etc., because I felt like this realationship was a lot more mature and a lot more stable than any of my previous ones. We had spent even more time together than usual before I left and I felt really confident about getting through this time apart with no problems.

The problem is this: even with the possibility of email, my girlfriend has pretty much stopped writing me. I’ve been very considerate and sent long sappy letters, postcards, packages, you name it, to let her know that I really miss her. But in two months, I’ve gotten two letters that she could just as well have written to her grandma, and then one of those “I’ve been thinking a lot while you’ve been gone” type of letters. I mean, I’m getting ZERO emotional support, and the only real letter she’s sent me was as close to a “Dear John” letter as I’ve ever gotten.

Now, I know our relationship wasn’t perfect, but we had agreed that we were going to use the opportunity to think about things and then work on the few problem areas in our relationship when I got back. Before I left, everything felt fine. It seems now like she’s taken the opportunity to prep for dumping me instead, but I never even felt it coming.

My question to you, o most righteous of chicks, is: am I flaking out or is she? Is it just that the distance is making me worry, and maybe she’s just lazy about writing (I mean, she still calls once a week, but we don’t really talk about “relationship” stuff), maybe she just doesn’t express emotions well long-distance.

Should I bring up the fact that I feel like she’s prepping to dump me, or is that just going to set her off? I don’t want to make her feel inadequate by telling her that she’s not being very considerate, but I don’t know what else to do here.

Thanks, BG.
–Hating Life in Deutschland

Der Deutschland,

Wait ’til you get home. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again (and you sort of said it too): maybe she’s a sucky correspondent. Maybe she doesn’t want to use your precious phone time to talk about The Relationship — how would you implement whatever new policy you create, anyway? And maybe, yeah, she’s doing Dump Prep. Or she’s already having a Prebound. I’m not sure. But there’s not much you can find out or handle long distance. And in the meantime: you’re homesick, buddy. Send her care packages if you want, but not at the expense of creating and enjoying a cool opportunity and fun real-life adventure abroad. If she’s waiting for you, she’ll be there. If not, then at least you won’t have been waiting by the phone when you could have been: Having a life in Deutschland.

Breakup Girl


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