MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn hears from a gal who’s scared-to-lose him, but she’s was burned by a cheater before:

I got out of an extremely bad relationship about three months ago with a man who cheated on me. I thought that I was going to stay single for a long time because I knew that I would have a hard time trusting again, yet that’s not how things worked out. I became friends with someone shortly after the break-up, and the more time we spent together, the more we both realized that we were meant to be together.

Now she’s grown suspicious of this new love and it’s driving him away. Is she unable to let the past go and what should she do? Read the full letter and response at Happen, then chime in with your own thoughts below.

Staying for no reason on October 26, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been dating the same man for about 9 months now. We have dated off and on in the past, and he was my boyfriend when I was a naive 16 years old (so needless to say we have some history). I am now 21, and he just recently asked me to be his girlfriend.

Problem is, I have realized that in my family there is a cycle that we females seem to get hooked into regarding men. My mom married my dad who was totally wrong for her and divorced him, and married an alcoholic. My older sister has married an inconsiderate buffoon, and it just starting to realize her mistake.

Back to me, while I realize I am not in love with this man, and I can see all the ways we are not compatible (he’s unreliable, selfish) I am reluctant to break the relationship off. He is 28 and feels his biological clock ticking and talks constantly about wanting children before he is 30. I am only 21, I’m a starting digital artist trying to make a name for myself, art is my passion, and I am not ready for children. He seems to be unpleased with my independance and wants to change who I am. So maybe asking me to be his girlfriend again might seem not to be a big deal to most, from the way he is talking about wanting a family when he can’t even take care of himself tells me what kind of commitment he is really wanting.

Anyway, to draw this letter to a close, I know this is break up material right here in my head, and I don’t love him. But why am I so reluctant to get out of this unhealthy relationship?

— Rachel

BG’s answer after the jump!

Sometimes it seems that all we want from a relationship is for our partners to be — or learn to be — as cute and nice as we are. To react in a consistent manner to our stimuli. To learn to speak our language. To help us out by getting snippy if we’re not paying enough attention, yet to say “me love you” from time to time, no matter what.

Okay, that’s not a relationship, that’s a Furby.

For those of you who don’t have children whose lives you saved by buying them one (i.e. they held their breath until you did), Furby — who looks like the three-way love child of an Ewok, a Gremlin, and Gleek — is the latest world domination strategy from Tiger Electronics. Last year, Tiger brought us the Giga Pet (like the Tamagotchi), the world’s most stressful toy. Now think Giga with fur … and a brain. As you interact with Furby, Furby will respond, learn tricks, wiggle its ears, open its eyes and raise its ears when excited, react to other Furbies (collect ’em all!), speak back and on its own, learn English as a Second Language (first: Furbish). For real. Unlike Giga, Furby does not die if ignored; instead, it whines for attention. So I’m not saying you won’t want to kill it.

But matter how you may feel about Furby, we are talking serious wizardry. (And to think Breakup Girl held her breath until she got Simon.) And yes, consumer-wise, Furby is the next Tickle Me Elmo — which, by contrast, now has all the appeal of the rotary phone (unless, of course, Furby turns out to be the next Felicity).

As for those of you who grew up rolling hoops and playing catch with hog bladders, don’t forget that there is also: Adult Furby. Last week, BG got an suspicious mass email hawking the artificial intelligence programs “Virtual Girlfriend” and “Virtual Boyfriend.” Not only will these cyberBetties and Baldwins remember your name, your birthday, and your likes and dislikes, they also “take off different clothes.” (Think Giga … without fur.) Even more realistic: (1) “each time you start the program…they have a different personality,” and (2) “you can say things that will upset them.” Keen!

So what does Furby have to do with love, Breakup Girl style? First of all, okay, okay, I want one. AS A TEACHING TOOL. The point: for worse and for better, we all Furbicize in our relationships. Meaning what? That to some degree, we grow and change and wiggle our ears in reponse to our partners’ stimuli. We develop learned behaviors, we acquire new languages (with words like “pooky.”).

But here’s the key difference: we don’t necessarily have a “different personality” each time. Often, the things and theories and habits that our little chips pick up from our first partner (such as “I suck at relationships”) carry over to the next, and the next — thus getting reinforced, if not all but hard-wired. We develop patterns that become so ingrained we don’t even see them as patterns, and even if we do, the idea of dismantling them seems tantamount to dismantling our very selves.

A version of this column was originally posted October 19, 1998.

In for repairs on August 24, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a great and mysterious power. I can sniff out women who are still on the rebound, even if the breakup was years ago, and even greater and mysteriouser, I have the ability to wave my magic wand of fixing, and make everything better. Then it comes back and bites me on the ass.

Am I being obtuse? Let me clarify.

I have been in two serious relationships, and a two close-to-serious ones (I’ll explain what that means later). For reference purposes, let’s call them SR1, SR2, CTSR1, and CTSR2 (aren’t I original?). In all cases, the lady love in question’s last boyfriend was a total jerk (to hear them tell it). SR1’s was physically abusive, SR2’s was completely insensitive and mind-gamey, CTSR1 and CTSR2 both had exes that cheated on them. (I hate referring to them in numbers, because each was amazing in her own right, so from here on in, when I say “she,” I mean “they.” But anyway.)

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Breakup Girl Friday finds it hard to carry-on with so much baggage…

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