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October 4

I can’t keep it up

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:13 am

Frustrated on November 9, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m 33 and like a schmuck I’ve been dating a 31 year old man where I work for going on three months now. Things seemed to be going pretty darn good between us on every level, except the romance and sex level. “T” seems to have a problem “maintaining a woody.” Because we got along SO well in every other way, I didn’t want to just dump him. I was hoping this would work itself out. Maybe it was the newness of the relationship. Maybe he had been burned in the previous one, whatever. Well, it hasn’t gotten better. It’s to the point where I don’t think he wants to even initiate anything with me because he knows that it will be disappointing.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot, BG, and I came to the conclusion that if I was a guy with this problem, I would be the first in line at a urologist’s office trying to find out what the hell was wrong with me. I would be at a shrink’s office delving into the dark recesses of my psyche to try and figure this out. I would be sooooo bummed about this, that I would be doing everything in my power to fix it. In the meantime, if my “plumbing” wasn’t working great, and I had met this woman that I professed to be crazy about, I would do everything else possible to keep her satisfied. You know what I mean?

But nooooo. He doesn’t do anything. He would rather find a way to avoid having to have any kind of sexual contact with me at all. In the three months that we’ve been together, we’ve had maybe eight sexual encounters. I’m sorry, but in every other new relationship I’ve had, that occurs in the first week!



December 9

Something’s holding him back

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:38 am

The Predicament of the Week from September 7, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am 38 years old, and have never been in a REALLY serious relationship before. A few short-term romances, a few really good friendships that might have been… I had accepted, and was quite happy with the fact that I probably would never marry, and would spend my life alone.

About 10 years ago, I met a guy who became a fairly good friend. There was always a little spark of something there, and whenever we were at the same party, or just ran into each other, we talked to each other to the exclusion of everyone else. If someone else happened to be around they faded into the background while we gazed into each other’s eyes and talked. But, we were both busy, and he never pursued anything, so I accepted that the feeling was probably all on my side, and I moved on with my life.

3 1/2 years ago I moved away, and 2 years ago was in town on business, and left him a note to say hello. I told him where I was staying, and to call if he got a chance, but I never really expected to hear from him. That night, he called, and invited me to dinner and a swim at his house. I went, and we had a lovely time in the pool, and over dinner, and I went back home thinking about him. One incident in particular stood out. While he was giving me a tour of the house, I was sitting on the bed looking at a book, and I asked him a question, and looked up and smiled at him as I asked it. He was gazing at me with such intense emotion in his eyes, that it left me confused. When I looked up he glanced away quickly, and he couldn’t answer my question. He nodded, with his head still turned aside, and I could see his Adam’s Apple bob as he swallowed. I’m pretty sure it was not a lustful look, but a hungry, lonely one. One that said “Could you possibly love me as much as I love you?”



May 11

True Confessions: Our sex life is not particularly anxiety-free!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:52 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been pondering this for a while. I’ve been dating someone for a long time who is my best friend, my favorite person, a good and attentive lover, and a wonderful soulmate for me. I really really love him and he has added so much to my life. I think we are going to get engaged soon.

My concern is that our sex life, although good, has never been particularly easy or anxiety-free. We both have a lot of “issues” and mine have definitely seemed more exaggerated since being with him. Sometimes it’s fine, sometimes it’s not so fine — but we always get through it (the hard times) and talk and take breaks when we need to. It has just never been particularly relaxed. Otherwise, he’s the one for me. I worry, though, that this issue is too important to ignore before marrying him. I went to therapy about this for a while, but didn’t think it was helping me more than just talking to him about it. Any thoughts?

— Sash



March 18

Now at MSN.com: More hugging, less shagging

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:36 am

Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, BG’s alter ego’s column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). Today, we meet Frankly Frustrated, who comes by his nickname honestly. What’s the problem? No love from his lover. “My girlfriend and I have a great relationship except for one thing: sex. There is no passion or excitement in our relationship,” he writes. And: “I try to initiate intimacy, but she just buries her head in my chest and hugs me.” And: “Kissing is huge for me, but she doesn’t like to kiss, because she says she can’t breathe out of her nose.”

Yyyyyeah. Lynn felt the same way when she read that line and snarfed her seltzer. How can Frankly get some heavy breathing back into his life? Find out here — and then come back to comment!

Find out what she told Frankly here — and then come back to comment!


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