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March 18

Ramona the … Princess?

Filed under: pop culture — posted by Breakup Girl @ 1:49 pm

Ramona and Beezus diehards: What do we think of this? #iamworried #sincewhenisBeezushot

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(Why) do men take breakups harder?

Filed under: Psychology — posted by Breakup Girl @ 12:29 pm

‘Tis the season: Easter, Passover, a delightful asparagus frittata. The New Scientist’s got an interesting thinky essay about which sex has the evolutionary upper hand when it comes to the mechanics of reproduction; there is, thus, discussion of the once-seen-as-all-powerful egg–and the eventually dominant homocentric view that semen “perfects” it. Cue epic battle between “ovists” and “spermists,” then an uneasy truce brokered by the emerging field of genetics. But ultimately (long interesting story short, with other implications not relevant here), the writers (professors of ecology and evolution) conclude that since the mother nurtures offspring inside her body for so many months — therefore wielding more genetic influence — “it looks like eggs rule after all.”

Mothers have more genetic influence; ergo: that’s why men take breakups harder. That’s the theory advanced in response to the NS piece by Alex Balk over at The Awl (h/t The Atlantic). He writes:

Why should it be so that a man has greater difficulty coming to terms with the end of a relationship than his female counterpart? (This is gonna be a very heteronormative discussion here, so gays and lesbians are free to check out some of the fine content at the right.) My research suggests that it all has to do with childhood.

Little girls are often treated as “princesses,” the object of paternal affection in an idealized-but-not-romantic way. This convention is so strong that they are referred to even by non-relatives as “daddy’s little girl.” Daddy is the man who adores them, who sets the template for what they will expect from all other men in life when it comes to affection.

Little boys are often treated the same way by their mothers. “Mommy loves you,” she will repeat over and over. “You will always be Mommy’s little boy.” Mommy makes it very clear that her little boy is most special boy in the world—even more special than Daddy—and that he will be an object of veneration and pride so long as she lives. This also sets a template.

The difference is stunningly obvious: Dads are far less committed parents than moms. Daddy may tell you that you are Daddy’s little girl, he may take you to a Daddy-Daughter dance one night after weeks of prompting, but most of the time he’s at the office, or away for business, or out with his buddies for important “man time.” Young girls, who, let’s not forget, mature far more quickly than boys, pick up on this: The man who says he loves me, they realize, is not at all reliable. He says what he thinks he is supposed to say, but his actions tell a different story.

Moms, on the other hand, are always there. They do the majority of the parenting, of the cooking, of the cleaning, of all the things that we equate with nurturing. To a boy, there is never any disconnect from the message of love he gets from Mommy and the way that he sees it play out in real life.

And this is why men take break ups harder than women. When a woman breaks up with a man, it is Mommy telling him that she doesn’t love him anymore. And Mommy promised that she would always love him! What is so terrible about him that Mommy stopped loving him? He can bury the sadness with alcohol, or watching a lot of sports, or sleeping around, but deep down he cannot fathom how this rejection has happened to him. His cries of pain, either voiced or shown by his actions, are really him shouting, “Mommy, why did you stop loving me?”

Whereas for a woman, she had no illusions that Daddy wasn’t going to leave at some point. Sure, she’s hurt initially, but she knew the score going into the game. And because women are more or less what Science refers to as “mercenary bitches,” even as she’s filling her pint of ice-cream with those fat, salty tears, she is unconsciously determining whom she will settle on next, the better to get her eggs fertilized so that the cycle might continue. [I should note here that a scholarly friend of mine (who is well-versed on the subject of women by virtue of her position as an expert on young adult novels for girls) had a minor dissent to this hypothesis, noting that every woman has one man who legitimately broke her heart and for whom she will always pine; I am perfectly willing to accept this “ur-Daddy” postulation and add it to the literature.]

Also relevant: the fact that men are not culturally conditioned to feel and express and wallow and process after a breakup. This may or may not be a good thing. (Freeing for the dump-er, limiting for the dumpee?)

So what do you guys think? Broadly speaking, does one gender take breakups harder, and why? Discuss! Through fat, salty tears!

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March 17

Did I fall asleep (and pitch a tv show)?

Filed under: Superheroes,Treats,TV — posted by Breakup Girl @ 5:13 pm

(Or did Joss?) Summer Glau becomes crime-fighting blogger in NBC pilot. The Hollywood Reporter says Glau will be part of “The Cape” as a blogger named Orwell who helps the hero fight crime, and even gets into the battle herself. The show is about an ex-cop who’s accused of a crime he didn’t commit, and becomes a costumed hero to clear his name.

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March 16

PDA LOL

Filed under: pop culture — posted by Chris @ 11:46 am

karate-kid-shue-kiss_400

Here’s a treat to bolster our national mood as we await an Idol Rolling Stone night that’s three contestants shy of being enjoyable (now statistically proven). EW.com put together a great slideshow of the 14 Kisses That Made You Cringe. This ranges from the obvious (Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley) to the OMG-I-had-blocked-that-out (Angelina Jolie and her brother). For me, the funniest ones are not from real-life, but from movies — where actors (or, say, Prince) make poor choices and no director recognizes the problem (and no editor bails us out). Are there any lip-locks missing you’d like to “see” on this list?

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March 15

TRANSform Me: tonight!

Filed under: Treats,TV — posted by Breakup Girl @ 11:28 am

“TRANSform Me,” a television series co-created by <YAY!> our own Kristine </YAY!> with partners from the documentary “T” (currently in post-production), is premiering tonight at 10:30pm EST on VH1.  “TRANSform Me” is a makeover show starring three talented transgender women –  Laverne Cox, Nina Poon, and Jamie Clayton — as they answer 911 calls from women around the country.  Having faced the ultimate challenge of transformation themselves, they push boundaries and help women connect with their own brand of femininity.

Kristine sez: “It’s a fun show!  Please tune in if you can!”

Here’s a sneak pizzeek:

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This week at Happen: Performance-anxiety anxiety

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:28 am

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn writes an assured response to Not Sure, who is not having sex with her boyfriend anymore:

I told him I was happy with our love life when I wasn’t. Then, when I was drunk a few weeks ago, I told him the truth—that his stamina was terrible.

Ouch. Is there anything she can she say to regain intimacy with him? Read the lengthy response at Happen, then come back here to comment!

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March 12

Closing the lines of communication

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 11:04 am

A game of telephone on March 16, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

About a year ago, an old male friend moved back to town. We quickly became best friends. Our feelings toward each other changed and we began dating, then he lost his job. The dating stopped. We remained close friends until we got in a fight about us dating, and haven’t spoken in four months. Now, his brother is calling me, wanting to know details about my personal life. I think my friend is up to it, but feel that he should be the one calling me. My best friend disagrees and says that I should tell his brother how I feel. What do you think?

— Joanna

Dear Joanna,

Tell the brother nothing. Except maybe if you want to just happen to let it slip that you are currently succesful and satisfied in all areas of your life. And also that you got that way as a result of having unlocked the secret to the universe, which is: mind and conduct your own business.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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March 11

Husbands and husbands

Filed under: Treats — posted by Breakup Girl @ 5:18 am

One little boy works it all out.

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March 10

Dream house, indeed!

Filed under: Celebrities,pop culture,TV — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:48 am

Mad! Men! Barbies!

Collect all four! Totally buying a Joan (and then padding her dress).*

While we’re on the subject, what do we think of the new Code Monkey Barbie?

Either way, this is a really interesting and thorough take. (H/T Joy Engel.)

* Or, put another way by a later tipster: “You know how you like Joan Holloway because she’s not a Barbie doll? Oops!”

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March 9

I’m on a horse.

Filed under: pop culture — posted by Breakup Girl @ 3:07 pm

Via Broadsheet:

Can you smell the aroma of manufactured manliness? Because there is an epic, and pungent, battle underway in the men’s personal care aisle. [Yesterday], Advertising Age declare[d] that we are seeing “the biggest array of product launches for men in nearly a decade and maybe ever.” The major competitors in this pissing contest: Procter & Gamble, which is responsible for Old Spice and Gillette, and Unilever’s new line, Dove Men+Care (apparently a plus sign equals masculinity).

Chances are you’re already familiar with Old Spice’s latest offering –namely Isaiah Mustafa, the charming star of its viral “I’m on a horse” ad, which bashes “lady-scented body wash” and orders dudes to “smell like a man, man.” The spot is full of satire and swagger — a winning combo, especially for men whose choice of personal armor is ironic cockiness. And as AdAge notes, “An ad for Gillette’s body wash, with a fairly obvious proxy for the new Dove product in the shower, pointedly says, ‘Just because it says it’s for men doesn’t mean it is.'” Nyah-nyah, Gillette just said you smell like a woman! Whatchu gonna do about that, Dove?

Nothing, judging from the Dove “Manthem,” which you’ll find below. Above all else, a Dove man is comfortable. Really, really comfortable. He doesn’t need to thump his chest to prove his manliness — that’s what his wife, three kids and home are for, it seems. He’s succeeded as a man (read: a pro-creator and provider) and so he can calmly retreat to his bathroom sanctuary and lather himself with an unpretentious body wash that doesn’t scream “FOR REAL MEN ONLY.” He is settled in his domesticated bliss and doesn’t need a damn horse, OK?

I don’t know about you, but I am fascinated by these dueling masculine identities. Bring on the advertainment.

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