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April 9

One of the guys

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:11 am

The curse of the friend-girl strikes March 23, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m sure you’ve probably heard this one before, but here goes. All of my better friends happen to be men. I don’t mind — love ’em to death, flaws and all. Besides, all of the best relationships start with the couple being friends, right? I figure with all these guy buds, you’d think the odds of that happening would be in my favor. In a word, wrong. If I hear myself referred to as “one of the guys” again, I’m going to puke. This isn’t exactly a recent development, either — one of my friends refers to my situation as “terminal buddy syndrome” and I’ve been afflicted since high school. (I’m 27 now.) Now, it’s not like I wax romantic over every single one of my friends, but I can think of a couple of them — both now married — that I would have been more than willing to take a shot at “jeopardizing our friendship” with, if you get my drift. It feels like it’s beyond me to get a man to think of me romantically. I know it’s not the “end-all, be-all,” but it’d be nice for a change. Suggestions?

— Everyone’s Kid Sister

Dear Sister ,

And I do mean Sister. BG so knows exaaaaaaactly what you’re talking about. Our big sister is Janeane Garofalo in “The Truth About Cats and Dogs.” Right? Wouldn’t it be great, once in a while, to be “hot” instead of “cool?” To be “irrestible” instead of “approachable?” To hear “What’s your name?” instead of “Who’s your friend?”

But what BG would say to you — and remind herself of — is, well, everything above, the other way around. Don’t set yourself up as a friend. If you’re going to ask someone out, ask him out for a drink, not pickup roller hockey. Also ( I hesitate to say this, because ultimately, I think it’s a matter of shared chemistry than of your “presentation” — and more important, YOU SHOULD NOT CHANGE WHO YOU ARE) but maybe ask one of those dear old boyfriends what the deal might be, what vibe you’re giving off. And then find out not how to change or hide it, but how to point it most effectively at the right guy. And then let BG know.

Breakup Girl


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