A naughty boy from January 5, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend and I had our six-month anniversary on Christmas and of course I got him a present, but he never got me one. He says he loves me and that he just has to go over and pick up the present, but it’s been a while since Christmas. He’s on house arrest right now so I understand that he can’t go out, but actually, he’s been out many times already. He says he loves me, but he could have at least gotten me a little something, right? What does that tell me about him?

— Cristina

Dear Cristina,

Among the excuses that Breakup Girl has heard for being late with a gift, being under house arrest is actually one of the most convincing. Then again, the 90s have brought us many ways to shop without ever leaving home: catalogs, QVC, online stores. Also, the invention of food has long allowed boyfriends under house arrest to prepare dinner in their own homes, however primitive, for their girlfriends. So I’m not saying this guy owes you some material item of some prescribed value. But he does owe you some gesture that indicates your value to him. In that sense, I’d say you need to find someone with a shopping list longer than his criminal record.

Love,
Breakup Girl