Special shoutout from June 22, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Just discovered your website and it’s lovely. Congrats on great design and good common-sense advice. I also wanted to share a breakup story with others. I was involved for years (off-and-on) with someone who I came to believe was my soulmate. Unfortunately, he had a teensy little problem–he didn’t want to be with me, although he said he loved me. Not being the most pathetic person on the face of the planet (only the second-most pathetic), I finally broke it off. A year later, I was still in pain. Then, I met a man through an internet personal service. The day I met him, I stopped thinking about my lost love. My internet man and I are now living together and I’m as sure as one can be that this is for life.

Now, I believe that we have to heal ourselves and can’t look to another person to do it. I was starting to heal when I met my current man, but falling in love again sure helped. And I also realized that, problematic as my earlier relationship had been, it also got me in touch with my need for love and passion so that I was ready when a real love came along. It’s been said many times, but it’s true. First you gotta love yourself. Then love will always follow. Good luck to you and your website.

— Redsonja

Breakup Girl responds: Did everyone get that part about not holding out for a healer — and doing it ourselves? Yep. It’s like what I told MixMasterMama/Scab Picker last week: make the breakup tape; don’t send it. Don’t make your Moving On contingent on some hoped-for re/action by the other person. Just wanted to highlight that.