From the December 1, 1997 column…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I am currently in a relationship that I should not be in but the two of us just can not end it. I am starting to see someone else, but I feel really guilty doing so. I have told the old one kind of what is going on and the new one has no clue the other ever occurred. The old flame and I can never be together because of the age difference, but we love each other so much that we just can not end it. We have tried many times before and it seems like it only lasts a day or two before we are back together. What do I do?
— Suzanne

Dear Suzanne,
Yes, major age difference can be a problem; like if you remember where you were when they kicked Puck out of “Real World: San Francisco” and he doesn’t, you guys may not have a lot to talk about. But hey, my old high school chorus-mate Victoria Duffy married Dennis Hopper, 30 years her senior, and when I see her in Interview Magazine at all those benefit galas and awards dinners, she looks awfully happy.

But I’m pretty much going to take your word for it that you “shouldn’t be” in this relationship. So given what you say, is it that you can’t fully end it because you two love each other against all odds — Cathy and Heathcliff, Romeo and Juliet, Victoria and Dennis — or is it that you can’t fully end it because breaking up sucks?

I’m going to go out on a limb and vote for the latter. If you have no future, bail – and go cold turkey – in the present. Snuggle up in front of “Real World: Southpark” (or wherever the hell they are these days) with your new man.

Love,
Breakup Girl