What happened to hope sex?

A new poll by The Daily Beast seems to indicate that Americans don’t actually believe “All You Need Is Love.” With everyone suffering in the new economy, they’re not going out on dates, or taking the next big economy-pumping steps like getting married, taking vacations, moving in together, having babies (in whatever order).

In fact, people who took the poll reported more fighting with their mate, having less sex, and being more careful with their birth control. Couples even report staying together to avoid the expense of a breakup, because of the cost of moving and paying separate rents, child support or alimony. (Women almost always suffer a huge drop in the quality of living post-split.)

Eesh. So bleak.

People are hunkering down. As they should. But I’m still an optimist. I hope (there’s that word again) that thrift is the new normal and that people won’t feel ashamed or awkward if they have no cash to flash.

Make special dinners at home? Play those old games you had to have and then forgot about (eh hem, Wii much?), have friends over, go for walks, share books, Google “free condoms,” watch movies and TV online.

Remember when you first liked someone (friend or more) and it didn’t matter what you did together? Their time and effort mattered more than anything else (well, unless you really are that kind of girl). In the new economy, a link to a personally chosen movie on Hulu should be worth more than expensive flowers that die and an argument about money that doesn’t.

Today’s New York Post reports that — given the unhappy marriage of Valentine’s Day and economic downturn — the number of Internet searches for “cheap engagement rings” has gone through the roof. Perhaps would-be knee-benders should also consider recycling?

When the going gets tough, the inconvenienced write a blog!

Dating A Banker Anonymous (DABA) is a safe place where women can come together – free from the scrutiny of feminists– and share their tearful tales of how the mortgage meltdown has affected their relationships. DABA Girls was started by two best friends whose relationships tanked with the economy. Not knowing what else to do, we did what frustrated but articulate girls have done since the beginning of time – we started a blog. So if your monthly Bergdorf’s allowance has been halved and bottle service has all but disappeared from your life, lighten your heart with laughter and email your stories to dabagirls@gmail.com.

These girls are really funny … we hope.

Last week was a bad one for certain Japanese women and the men who love to buy them drinks. Two stories described the downmarket vibe in Tokyo’s Roppongi Hills* (it’s always the “Hills“) section, a new-money, work/play development where local gals could heretofore count on snagging a Western banker for the night, if not a lifetime. But thanks to the death/ailing of Lehman Brothers and Goldman Sachs, two firms that kept offices there, the Roppongi meat market has become a bear market.

“The well-rehearsed choreography of girls coming in from the suburbs in their finery, tasting the good life, then snagging an investment banker to prolong the party is yesterday’s dance,” death-knells the London Times, which narrowed in on one particular bar whose website copy serves up such irony-tinis as “I will not chase after the fickleness of time” and “I will not be captured by the sense of values that bind my thoughts.”

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Someone’s been reading academic journals for the articles! Marginal Revolution draws our attention to an article in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin entitled, no kidding, “Playboy Playmate Curves: Changes in Facial and Body Feature Preferences Across Social and Economic Conditions,” which posits that in lean times, men go for, well, lean women. In other words:”The Environmental Security Hypothesis says that in tough times men will prefer women who are good at production, generally older, taller, heavier, less curvaceous women with less body fat.  In good times, they will prefer women who are good at reproduction, generally younger, shorter, lighter, more curvaceous women.  Pettijohn and and Jungeberg look at the characteristics of playboy playmates from 1960 to 2000 and find:

Consistent with Environmental Security Hypothesis predictions, when social and economic conditions were difficult, older, heavier, taller Playboy Playmates of the Year with larger waists, smaller eyes, larger waist-to-hip ratios, smaller bust-to-waist ratios, and smaller body mass index values were selected. These results suggest that environmental security may influence perceptions and preferences for women with certain body and facial features. 

It’s not a new study, but it does invite speculation about what type of Playmate of the Year a 2009 economy will bring us. If things keep going the way they are now, my money’s on Rosie the Riveter.

A woman in Ireland who got caught shoplifting blamed the theft on a bad breakup — which, she claimed, had suddenly left her in dire financial straits and in debt to other people. (Judging by what she clipped, she owed someone a pair of $170 flip-flops.)

I’ve had some bad breakups, which have left me crying on my kitchen tiles or quicksanding into my couch for a My So-Called Life-athon while working my way through a metric ton of Chubby Hubby. So I’m impressed. I mean hey, this lass managed to at least leave the house.

And really — though she did have a string of prior convictions — maybe her actions are not, at least at their core, so out-there after all. This article notes, and it’s by no means the first, that “when unmarried couples who have been living together part company, women are substantially worse off economically than men, according to a study in the Journal of Marriage and Family.”

But if she’d lived in China, apparently, it’s possible that she could at least have asked her flip-flopping boyfriend for “a ‘parting fee,’ or fenshou fei, upon the termination of a long-term relationship, or ’emotional compensation,’ ganqing peichang,'” according to this recent report on Forbes.com. “These ‘parting fees’ are not a legal matter, given the casual nature of dating. Call it an informal economic system for affairs of the heart — with all the attendant moral questions that arise when love and money mix.” Indeed! Interesting piece; check it out. And if you’re gonna steal anything, make it someone’s heart. (Awww!)

Here, from FOBG Mary Beth Williams at Salon.com, a dismaying/touching account of the penny-pinch of heartbreak:

Sep. 22, 2008 | My marital separation would be so much easier if I were in a better income bracket. Then again, if I were in a better income bracket, maybe my husband and I wouldn’t be separating at all. I could rattle off all the reasons why the man that I promised to love forever is not sleeping next to me tonight. I can list all the heartaches we’ve endured over the last two years. Or I could cut to the chase and tell you that this is a story about money.

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The results of AskMen.com’s Great Male Survey are in, and some of the findings may surprise you. (Or not, assuming everyone in your relationship reads BreakupGirl.net and is therefore most excellent and discerning.) The “Internet’s top men’s lifestyle site” asked more than 70,000 readers to take the 150-question survey, which was broken down into five sections: Lifestyle, Dating, Sexuality, Power & Money, and Men in 2008. AskMen.com also teamed up with Yahoo! Shine, a lifestyles website for women, to host the Great Female Survey, which included 40 questions from the male survey about dating and sexuality. (Women, evidently, have no Power or Money, and are interesting only when talking about men.)

The survey’s goal — and this is where we’ve got their back — was challenge the all-too-common image of today’s men as immature, insensitive, and afraid of commitment. Says AskMen.com editor-in-chief James Bassil, “These survey results will be surprising to many women, most of whom have a completely different perspective of what the average man thinks and feels.” Selected results after the jump…

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You may have seen the much buzzed-about New York Times article in which Maureen Dowd, in consultation with 79-year-old Catholic priest Fr. Pat Connor, laid out 10 requirements for the “ideal husband.” Though I’m pretty sure BG hates MoDo with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns, I’ve got to say I think her checklist makes perfect sense. Having witnessed my parents experience the ups and downs of marriage, I’ve come to understand that love is just the beginning of a successful lifetime partnership. So here, in case you missed it, is what MoDo and Fr. Pat urge you to consider. (I’ll use male pronouns as the article implies that only girls are on the big hunt — lies!):

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Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, BG’s alter ego’s column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This week, we meet “Very Puzzled,” who asks Lynn to resolve yet another age-old question: “Who pays for the date?” VP, it should be noted, is new at this … again. A single 40-year-old woman, she’s been in school and out of the pool for a while. Now that she’s back, she writes, “I find that most men I have met expect ‘Dutch treat’… . When did the world change so much? Am I just meeting stingy guys, or is it now the right etiquette for me to expect to pay my own way even if asked out? Am I just too old-fashioned to date?”

Far as Lynn is concerned, the central who-pays question can be answered in three little words. (But, of course, she adds a few more.) Check out the whole Q&A, and then come back here to leave your own tips. (I mean, if your date paid the bill, you should at least offer.)