You’ve got a friend on January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
For some reason, whenever I meet someone that I find cute and interesting, we always end up buddies when I would like more! How do I get past this and not feel rejected — and not lose a good friend?
— Everyone’s Buddy

Dear Everyone’s Buddy,
See, Jilted Guy?! This is the girl version of the Nice Guy thing — and yeah, it smarts. Wouldn’t it be nice, once in a while, to be intoxicatingly mysterious, to have men come up to you and say, “Friends, schmends, I must be your lover!” instead of “Hey, buddy, howaboutta game of horse?”

But try thinking of it this way: maybe there’s nothing wrong at all. Maybe, for some cosmic reason, you just happen to be the kind of person for whom serious relationships start out as — and develop most soundly from — friendship. If you trust that this will naturally evolve when it “should,” you’ll be playing a mean game of horse with your devoted hubby while Miss Tedious — I mean, Miss Terious — wishes she had more true friends.
Love,
Breakup Girl

When you give your friend space, no one can hear you scream …

(more…)

You may have seen the much buzzed-about New York Times article in which Maureen Dowd, in consultation with 79-year-old Catholic priest Fr. Pat Connor, laid out 10 requirements for the “ideal husband.” Though I’m pretty sure BG hates MoDo with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns, I’ve got to say I think her checklist makes perfect sense. Having witnessed my parents experience the ups and downs of marriage, I’ve come to understand that love is just the beginning of a successful lifetime partnership. So here, in case you missed it, is what MoDo and Fr. Pat urge you to consider. (I’ll use male pronouns as the article implies that only girls are on the big hunt — lies!):

(more…)

Wanting it all on January 9, 1998 …

Dear Breakup Girl,
My “friend” lives in Seattle, I live in St. Louis. I was dating another fellow here, but he broke up with me when I went to visit the guy in Seattle. Problem is, I see the Seattle one only about every six months. I don’t have any commitment from him. So how can I start dating someone in St. Louis and not have them break up with me when I want to see my friend in Seattle? It’s very lonely waiting and not knowing when I will see my Seattle friend.
— Becca

Dear Becca,
Lose Seattle Boy, pronto. All he has to offer you is sleeplessness, heartache, and a great cup of coffee once every six months. Right now you are trying to have two cakes and eat them both — but you’re really getting crumbs of dry, day-old biscotti that aren’t worth it the first place. You will be much less lonely without Seattle, because you will be free — actually and emotionally — to meet St. Louis.
Love,
Breakup Girl

You’ve got a friend on January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
How do you comfort your best friend when her live-in boyfriend dumped her after seven years?
–Confused

Dear Confused,
Bless your heart for asking. But you should really ask her: What do you need? What can I get for you? Do you want to talk about it, or do you want some distraction? When should I just leave you alone? Would you like a spoon for that? Don’t tell her you know what she’s going through; don’t offer unsolicited analyses of “what went wrong;” don’t go out with her boyfriend. Let her call the shots — just do your best to let her know that you, unlike certain people, will always be there for her.
Love,
Breakup Girl

A note on notes from January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I’ve learned all there is to know about the breakup now, but haven’t experienced the going-out part yet. What’s the best way to let a guy know that you’re interested — note, phone, in person, a friend…?
— Jennie

Dear Jennie,
Whatever you do, don’t have “a friend” let him know. That will turn your would-be romance into something out of “My So-Called Life” faster than you can say “Jordan Catalano.” And a note is way too Shakespeare — plus, it could fall into the wrong hands, or never reach your intended at all (speaking of Claire Danes). Keep it simple — old-fashioned, even. Ask him out for a malted; invite him to the dance; bring him along with your friends to the movies. He’ll at least start to get the hint — but if he doesn’t take it, move on.
Love,
Breakup Girl

Another quickie from December 16, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,
How do you get your boyfriend back after he dumped you because his friends don’t like you?
— Heather

Dear Heather,
You don’t. Any boy who would dump you just because his friends don’t like you is no friend of Breakup Girl’s.
Love,
Breakup Girl