MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. This Ask Lynn column is being promoted at Match on Yahoo this week…

This week Lynn advises Searching in New Hampshire — a 50-ish single mom looking for a man who is willing to date a woman with small children.

I have been online and have dated some but the minute I share that I have a nine-year-old, I don’t really hear back from the men that I’m corresponding with. I understand that most men my age have older children and have moved on from the kid thing.

Where should she look without moving to a bigger town? Read Lynn’s suggestions then come back here to comment!

Known unknowns from April 27, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

“When you meet that one special person, you’ll just KNOW.” Everyone says that to me. Is it true? Or is love all chance and timing. I have been in love, but no one has ever made me KNOW. What is KNOWing like?

— Katrina

Dear Katrina,

Breakup Girl has noticed that there are some things it’s hard to get specifics on, like what “management consultants” do all day, and what it feels like to KNOW. Here are a few observations and suggestions that might shed some light.

1. Sometimes when people smile mysteriously and say, “Oh…I just KNEW,” what they really mean is “Oh…I just… can’t remember.”

2. Don’t assume that KNOWing always occurs in a lightning-bolt moment. Sometimes it just drizzles into our consciousness, so that when the moment of truth comes, the word “yes,” or ” no,” or “decaf” is just there.

3. KNOWing is not unique to life-lasting love. How else do you think Breakup Girl KNOWs how to respond to this question? Look around your life for other examples of when you’ve just KNOWn — a college or fashion choice, perhaps? You might find that you know more about KNOWing than you realized.

You know?
I know, I know.

Love,
Breakup Girl

P.S. Doesn’t KNOW look like a really funny word now? Know, know, know. Okay, I’m done now.

Folks, this is getting as old as the people who allegedly lie about their age on the Internet. Are we really still slamming internet dating? It’s kind of like saying cell phones are bad, or “technology.” In the latest crabby smackdown, Rhodri Marsden, writing in The Independent, “reveals” the “truth” about Internet dating: things don’t work out more often than they do. Stop the presses? Because um, that is also true of bricks-and-mortar dating as well — it’s probability, not cynicism — not to mention, well, life. Saying that he has — aha! — found people who’ve been bruised by Internet dating! is like saying he’s found people who have been bruised by…dating. Duh. Everyone said it was handy. No one said it was magic.

To be sure, there are differences, concrete and ineffable, between dating online and IRL. Each has advantages and disadvantages. The fact that you can likely “meet” more people online than off does translate into more rejection: again, that’s math. And the Internet probably makes for more colorful before/after bait/switch experiences, but that’s because of the built-in online -> real-life progression; that’s story structure, folks. (Said it before: you mean all the people you meet on singles hikes tell the truth from day 1?) So to throw the Internet babes out with the bathwater is, to put a fine point on it, just dumb. So, too, is — if you’re single and would like to change that — not making Internet dating part of a diversified meeting-people portfolio.

So, enough. I’m outta here. Because BG spends some of her time online, and some of her time “getting out there.” See?

(h/t The Awl)

Well, it’s November 3. Are you, or have you ever been ditched by, a Halloweenie? Cindy Chupack once coined the term in order to designate (if BG recalls directly) folks who break up with their partners by October 31 in order to avoid (a) awkward family Thanksgiving dinners, and/or (b) buying gifts. (All while giving yourself plenty of time to find someone to smooch at New Year’s.) Boo!

But according to new (and highly imperfect, but still entertaining) data from Facebook (via Mashable), just because you made it through Halloween doesn’t mean you’re set for 2011. David McCandless and co.:

…scraped 10,000 status updates for the phrases “break up” and “broken up,” and made the following discoveries: 1). A ton of people break up before social occasions like Spring Break and the summer, 2). Mondays aren’t just the start of the work week — there’re the end of many a relationship, 3). People have the decency not to dump their significant others on Christmas Day.

Yah, but look at the graphic. While you’re safe on December 25, breakups appear to peak in the couple of weeks before, matching pre-spring break levels. If this is even somewhat accurate, I’m betting it’s not just about saving money on loot. It’s about the holidays feeling all cozy and meaningful and stuff. If you don’t feel cozy and meaningful with your S.O., you’re not going to look at them and feel all mistletoetastic. Forces the issue, in a way. You know? Fa la! What about you: any breakups precipitated by calendar events? (Or have you ever stayed together for the present, if you will?)

According to this analysis, Superman is a moderate Republican, Wonder Woman a socialist, and Hulk “just want to be left alone” (libertarian). Whatever your leaning, please get out and vote. In a way, it’s your civilian superpower: please wield it (ideally, for good). If you haven’t already, learn about candidates, find your polling place, and remember, voting is a Breakup Girl issue. These folks may have a direct say in:

• how you learn about sex

• how you protect yourself if you have it

• education and law enforcement behind healthy relationships

• what you do with and how you’re able to take care of your body

• how much money you have to spend on dates (or “spa days” with numero uno)

• and, of course, whom you can marry

Please vote for candidates who make choices as sound as you do!

Bonus: Breakup Girl in … Red vs. The Blues!

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn helps Tired, whose girlfriend keeps breaking up with him without warning, and seemingly without reason…

My girlfriend of four months just broke up with me—for the third time. … She freaks out and breaks up with me… then she misses me, and wants to give it another shot.

WHAT is going on with this girl and should Tired stick around to find out? Read Lynn’s full column at Happen, then come back here and give your own advice!

BG hits the ice on April 27, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Thank you so much for your web site and especially your advice column. Even when the advice doesn’t directly pertain to my own predicament of the week, I enjoy reading your witty wisecracks and thoughtful responses.

Anyway, here’s my beef. Call me blind, but it seems to me the only relationships between men and women that I am seeing (at least the ones that are lasting) are the ones where the woman is very sweet, saintly, subservient, submissive, not strong-willed, sassy, independent, self-assured. It’s like for the long haul the smart, funny, sweet, self-confident guys don’t want a confident, sassy woman who might disagree with them or have her own life, one who might question their authority or want to call the shots some of the time.

I think of myself as a decent person (although still smarting from being dumped by one of those so called nice guys about five months ago who ditched me for a needy subservient type). I lead an active life, I’m friendly and willing to help out. I’m also independent, stubborn at times, and am not afraid to do things for myself if necessary. I would like to find a guy who can handle that, but am also not looking for an overly macho type. Am I asking the impossible? It seems I scare away the guys who possess qualities that I am looking for or only get the leechy ones who have no life of their own and like to latch on to mine. Any advice would be appreciated.

— Sassy and Single

(more…)

In case you didn’t already know this, Scarleteen is the source for real sex education in the real world. It’s deserving of a shout-out of far more than 140 characters; it’s run and supported by people “who want better for young people than what they get in schools, on the street or from initiatives whose aim is to intentionally use fearmongering, bias and misinformation about sexuality to try to scare or intimidate young people into serving their own personal, political or religious agendas.” And right now, there’s a extra push for cash going on to help Scarleteen keep doing the honest, empowering, and irreplaceable work they do. Read recent testimonials such as “How Scarleteen and Sex Ed Saved My Life,” and “Accentuating the (Sex) Positive: Discovering Scarleteen” — and maybe you’ll be inspired to show Scarleteen a little love yourself.

A new analysis of teen sexual behavior in New York City offers some troubling/fascinating/instructive insights — and not just of the “only in New York” variety.

Published in the latest Pediatrics, the study found (for one thing) that among sexually active adolescent boys and girls, nearly one in ten had had a same-sex experience. But how many called themselves “gay”? Well, of the teens who’d had at least one same-sex partner, 38.9 percent answered “heterosexual or straight.” Which is fine in a hey-who-needs-labels sense — and hooray for experimentation, when that’s what it is — but not fine in a hey-who-needs-condoms sense. That is, the study also found that teens reporting partners of both sexes also reported higher-than-average rates of risky sexual practices, such as not using a condom during intercourse.

Hmm. Especially among those in the “I’m not really gay” camp, could there be a related sense that “it’s not really sex”? And does “I’m not really gay” stem from “Gay’s not really OK?” (“Even in New York”?) “These are kids in New York City where there’s more awareness and perhaps acceptance of non-heterosexual behavior, and you’re still finding such high reports of risk behavior and violence,” Laura Lindberg, senior research associate at the Guttmacher Institute, told the AP.

Ah yes, also violence. Students reporting same-sex partners also reported higher rates of dating violence. What’s going on there? Back to the AP:

[Pasted without comment. (I’ll leave that to you.) –BG]

Unique Ways to Ask Someone Out on a Date
Dating Expert Shares Some Fun Ways to Make a Move

Asking someone to go out on a date is easier said than done. When nervous symptoms such as sweaty palms, a knot in the throat, and butterflies in the stomach accompany an awkward “Will you go out with me?” stutter, things can get ugly. While it’s never a comfortable situation, XXXXXX, Director of XXXXXXX, a dating service for busy business professionals has some ideas for fun ways to make taking the first step a little easier.

Puzzle him/her with Your Charm: Want to really make someone swoon? Even if you’re too shy to ask someone out in person, you can still get crafty and turn the question into a game. Write your sweet proposition on paper, and then cut up the sentence into different pieces and place all the letters into an envelope. On the outside of the envelope, tell him or her to “Piece this together for a surprise” and let your crush do the work.

The Modern Message in a Bottle: A phone call may be the easiest way to contact someone for a date, but is certainly not the most creative. Be original when making that initial contact like in the movie Hitch, messenger her a walkie-talkie and have you waiting on the other end. Or if you or a friend is a lawyer, write up a fake subpoena to invite your crush on a date. Name the “case” something like Amber & Chris vs. the Thought of Foregoing a Great Time Together and indicated the day of the date as the court number. Acting as though she must appear on the date or be in contempt of court adds a playful start to the date.

Rush Hour Rendezvous: Driving in traffic can have its frustrations but instead of blowing your horn in road rage, scope out the road as a dating opportunity. If a fellow driver catches your eye and engages in some bumper to bumper flirting, you can casually hand over your business card. This proactive move will show you are interested and you might just get the green light for follow-up.

Roses Never Go Out of Style: It’s traditional. It’s cliché. And there’s a reason it has been around for decades, it works! Sending roses to a girl is a chivalrous gesture she is sure to appreciate. Accompany the bouquet with a simple note requesting a date or, for a modern twist, write a funny but silly poem. It is a sure-fire way she will get the hint that you would like to spend some time together.

Please contact me to schedule a segment or interview with XXXXX to share these and other unique ways to ask someone out on a date.

Thanks,
XXXXX