Ending things improperly on March 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I want to end my marriage, but I don’t know how to tell him. Is it fair to write him a letter or should I tell him in person?

— Kat

Dear Kat,

Rule of thumb: unseal the deal the same way that you sealed it. Choose the medium that matches and honors the relationship. If you met online — and have conducted your relationship entirely online — then (and only then) can you break up online.You may use the telephone to tell your Psychic that you just want to be Friends. But I’m guessing that you two are more than…pen pals. So, yeah, you’re going to have to do the deed face to face. BUT. If you don’t trust yourself to remain coherent, and you have some key points to get across and set in stone, definitely go ahead and write them down. Then either start the conversation with the letter, or submit it as a “handout” during or after. Good luck. And please spell-check.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Old habits die hard on March 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I recently parted ways with my boyfriend of five months, over (as far as I can tell) a spaghetti dinner. In any case, shortly after splitting, we met again and promptly hopped into bed. I unwittingly believed that this encounter would mean something to both of us. Apparently I was wrong. I called him up to talk about the situation, and he was completely nonchalant, and became irritated with my repeated question of “is that all you have to talk about?” Anyway, the conversation ended with me being fairly hurt and confused, and him being generally clueless. Was it wrong for me to expect more? Please help me out.

– Tory

Dear Tory,

What you have here is Classic Relapse. See, breakups can be right up there with oysters, figs, and The Red Shoe Diaries in terms of their aphrodisiac qualities. It’s like, “Wow, you look great without … commitment.”

So, a Relapse and a Reunion are two entirely different animals. People: safeguard your feelings — and don’t toy with those of others. Either break up or don’t; act accordingly. But if you are going to break up, you might as well be eating spaghetti at the time

Love,
Breakup Girl

Looking back on January 4, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

It’s that time of year again, when we bow our heads and reflect on the year that’s passed. This is also when we ask ourselves “What the heck just happened?” I’ve been doing that a lot for the last few weeks and I was hoping that your immense intellect and other really cool super powers can help me sort it all out.

I just got out of a really horrible “relationship,” got myself into a really swank bachelor pad, been doing some really swank bachelor things, and all around having a great time. I sometimes get nightmares about my ex, but I try not to let that bother me. I did my share of “closure” with her. When I left, I “closed” the door. My question is this…When I was younger, I was with another gal who I thought was IT. She was the “template” of the woman I wanted in my life. We had great times together, we had bad times together. We broke up after 7 years of this and did not keep in touch for 3 years. That was four years ago. Now, we’ve been hanging out a lot (when I’m in town or vice-versa), talking (mostly via phone or e-mail), laughing, flirting, and getting more comfotable with each other. I have no complaints about that except that I’m finding myself falling in love with her again. What’s the problem you say? I know that she’s not falling for me and I can’t seem to look at anyone else without the spectre of the template popping up. It’s like I’ve put on blinders and narrowed my choices. I’m also starting to second-guess myself. Did I break up with my ex because I know that the template’s there? By the way, the template is still single and currently not seeing anyone. My friends try to set me up on dates and such, but I just don’t find anything in common with these women. I think I’m going crazy, falling for someone who lives halfway across the country, who I know doesn’t have the same feelings for me like I have for her. ARRGGHH!!! It drives me batty!!!! If I think about this logically, I know that I want to continue being friends with her (just friends though) and find another. I know I’m not the same person I was at the beginning of the year, much less in four years ago….but I guess logic truly goes out the door when you fall in love. Anyway all-seeing and all-knowing one, if you can help me sort this out it would really mean a lot to me. I don’t think I can go through another year with these feelings hanging over my head. Thanks.

— Back to the Past

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Speechless! I need to let People tell it while I compose myself …

One of Hollywood’s most enduring relationships has ended – Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins have broken up after more than two decades together, PEOPLE has learned exclusively.

Christmas is ruined. Bah Humbug!

BG is currently bizzy with Elin Nordegren.

The New York Post reports that Columbia University will, likely this fall, implement a new “gender-neutral” housing policy, meaning that sophomores, juniors, and seniors may select roommates from either gender. Not hallmates or floormates, roommates. Reactions — decidedly mixed — range from “Yay, singles won’t have to put up with their roommates’ sex lives” to “Wait, boys and girls are sharing BATHROOMS?” (Where have these people been?)

From my own four years on that very campus, I can tell you for sure: this is a tempest in an electric tea-kettle. For one thing, there’s no “walk of shame” associated with sleeping in your boyfriend’s dorm room. I mean, I shacked up with Andy C. on the first floor of Ruggles Hall for most of my senior year. I just moved my crap into his place and voila, cozy dorm coupling. My room was used for storage.

In retrospect, that was a hideous idea. I had a great room, Andy was totes codependent, and I ended up pledging a co-ed frat just to get some non-couple time. But whose college experience is a study in good decision-making?

The other truth that’s being ignored here? After freshman year at Columbia, nobody — but nobody — has a roommate to begin with. So the story here isn’t “Yikes! Free love on campus!” It’s pretty much “Gay students don’t have to live with weirded-out homophobes.” (Though maybe also “What happens if you break up by Thanksgiving?”) In any case, it’s nice to see my alma mater tossing passé Puritanism out the ivory tower window.

Second thoughts from March 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

For the past three months I have been dating this guy. We started out as friends working together and things developed from there. Well, now that I have spent a lot of time with him I realize that maybe we should have remained just friends. Now the problem is that he is in love with me and wants a long-term relationship. I want to concentrate on my career right now and have no time for such a serious relationship. I really care for him but I don’t want to stay in this relationship but I don’t want to hurt him either. Help!

— Raven

Dear Raven,

My best friend and I have this joke where if someone asks one of us, “How’s your love life?” we always say, “My CAREER is going GREAT!” Even after like six years, we still find this side-splitting. Usually.

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BG will be back posting tomorrow. Today I’m bizzy with Avril.

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you’ll find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week they are featuring the letter from Rubbed Wrong, who was dumped by a guy who continues to act like a boyfriend whenever they see eachother. Read the advice at Happen, then come back here to comment! You can also read the comments from our original posting of the letter.

Trying to deal on March 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I can’t get away from the feeling that all men are scum after a recent experience, and yet I find myself still thinking about the man concerned. What will snap me out of it other than another man? Should I start Yoga or something?

— D.P.O.W.

Dear D.P.O.W.,

The popularity of Yoga has indeed been blamed for the niceification of New York City. So yeah, it might take the edge off. And if you’re anything like Jeni (above), you might meet someone there.

But let me caution you about something else: no one gets away with the “men are scum” thing here at breakupgirl.net. If you can’t live with ’em, then live without ’em. Everyone get this straight: BREAKUPS ARE PIGS.

Love,
Breakup Girl