Popping that question on October 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I met a great guy a few months ago. He’s smart, funny, nice, beyond sexy and has the cutest Irish accent I’ve ever heard. We had been dating for a couple of months and everything was cool until he popped the question: Thatquestion. He asked me to marry him.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t any bold declaration of reckless, impetuous love, it’s a last-ditch attempt to not get deported.

I was speechless, but managed to sqeak out a “no” before I got the hell out of his place. He called me later that night, and said he understood why I wouldn’t marry him, and that he still wanted to see me anyway.

(more…)

When will he pop the question? Many straight women in long-term committed relationships begin to ask herself — and all of her friends — this question. (Every straight woman, if you believe the hype.) When will he do it? Why hasn’t he yet? What can I do do make this happen? Where should I look in his sock drawer? Um when do I need to stop obsessing?

In Jag Carrao’s HuffPo blog “How To Be Engaged By Christmas,” we read some supposedly fail-proof ways to “get your man to pop the question” — and soon. I could relate to some of it, but other parts so didn’t feel right. It’s totally understandable to want to feel like your relationship is moving forward, it seems pretty manipulative to tweak your normal behavioral patterns to attain a sparkly rock on your left hand. Reading this blog made me wonder: have we really become selfish and retro enough to take this advice, or at least take it seriously?

Look, I have walked away from my fair share of stand-still situations. If you feel you are a hamster on a wheel looking out into the sunset but never quite reaching anything but your own cage, I totally agree that it’s time to bail. However, to say that you should have a ring after nine months of dating seems a little out-of-nowhere to me.

That, and the specific suggestions seem off, too. Like limiting the time you spend with each other, don’t accept his “game playing” (by which this means if he has had a terrible past relationships and has had the bejesus scared out of him … apparently this is by definition a “game”), and pretty much disregard his feelings altogether. By restricting your time together, limiting your feelings and going against your “gut instinct” you are in essence not presenting the real “you” — and isn’t that what relationships are all about?

What ever happened to just being happy? Society has given women this notion that they must get married within a set amount of time or else they are deemed as failures. Nine months, nine days, or nine years … who cares? Setting an oven timer doesn’t make you ready. If you’re going to be able to spend your lives together, you’re going to be able to talk about this. That’s what makes you ready. So when will he ask? Or when will you? If you want to get married in the first place? When the time is right. Hope that for Christmas, you get some better advice.

Struggling with the ultimate romantic choice? The one you’ve got vs. the one that got away? Familiar and stable vs. fizzy and exciting? Veronica vs. Betty?

Well, envy Archie.* Looks like our man in Riverdale may get to have it both ways.

As today’s Times reports: “That perennially teenage redhead…made headlines around the world when word leaked, back in May, that he would propose to his longtime love interest, Veronica Lodge, in issue No. 600 of the comic that bears his name. But that issue, published in August, was only Part 1 of a six-part story. Although Archie did marry Veronica, things will take a turn in November, when Archie proposes to the lady in waiting, Betty Cooper. That’s just the latest twist in the romantic triangle that has thrust this nearly 70-year-old character, and his parent company, into the media spotlight.”

How’s he gonna pull that off? Easy: alternate universe! “The wedding story was written by Michael E. Uslan and illustrated by Stan Goldberg, a longtime ‘Archie’ artist. The first half was called ‘Archie Marries Veronica,’ but issue No. 603, on sale next month, is called ‘Archie Marries Betty.’ The end of bachelorhood began in issue No. 600, in which Archie found himself on a road named Memory Lane, which he has often traveled. This time he walked a different direction and encountered a fork in the road. He chose the left path, which allowed him to see his future with Veronica and their twins, and himself working for her tycoon father. At the end of the October issue, No. 602, Archie goes for an evening stroll and encounters the fork again. In the November issue Archie will find himself back in Riverdale High, this time envisioning a future with Betty as his wife. (A set of twins factors into this destiny as well.)”

(Doctor Who fans will recall when this totally happened to Donna Noble, only instead of twins there was a giant bug. And — Halloween preview — let’s not forget Breakup Girl Friday in Ghost Ex!)

But the question remains: who do you think he should wind up with? (“Jughead” would of course be a revolutionary twist, but I don’t think we’re there yet.)

* And talk to The Guy At The End of the Bar.