Caught in a trap on August 31, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

TRUST, OR BETRAYAL ???

My girl of 15 months went to a conference 5-6 hours drive away. She left Tuesday and was supposed to be back late Thursday night or Friday depending on how much money she had left. We were trying to sort through our problems at the time. Her ex-husband and former “soulmate” lived in the city where she was going. We talked about that. She assured me that it was completely over 4 years ago, and that their only contact would be when she dropped off (on arrival) and picked up (at departure) their 7-year-old child. She also has a 16-year-old from another man. She is in her mid 30’s.

Wednesday night she had already checked out of the hotel where the conference was at, and where she was supposed to be staying, when I called her. The hotel said she checked out at noon. I had last talked to her at 2 or 3 PM. She did not tell me that she had checked out. She did not come home Wednesday night. Thursday she called and left me a message, in reply to my worried queries to the conference coordinator, saying that she had checked into this other hotel Wednesday night. Her message also said that she loves me. She did not try to reach me at home later or set a time to chat. She did not come home Thursday night. I left her messages.

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Still suspicious on July 6, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

All right, here’s the dilly: I’ve been with my girlfriend for nigh 3 years now. Recently, we both went through major upheavels in our lives, during which we fought & came close to ending things. During that time, she started seeing another guy. I found out because I came over for Valentine’s Day and he sent her flowers saying they had started something beautiful. Anyway, I freaked, and she told me that they had just gone on a couple of dates, nothing serious. From V-Day until recently, I had always been suspicious she was still seeing him, but whenever I asked, she told me she wasn’t and that I was being paranoid. Which, I believed, because she never lies, even when it’s the easy thing. One time I tried snooping but was caught so the only thing I accomplished was ruining her trust.

Last week, one of her good friends (who isn’t the smartest person) told me (she doesn’t know it though) that I was correct. She was seeing this guy, slept with him, etc. and lied to me when I asked. Another friend of hers told me that they did have something for a while, but it was over and that she digs me again and is head over heels. So what do I do? I don’t want to ruin my gf’s friendship on account of her friend being an airhead. At the same time, I “triumphed” over the other guy, because now everything between us is wonderful. Is there a reason to bring up these past issues? On the other hand, she lied when I confronted her and made it look like I was the person that was wrong, and she managed to make me believe it. What’s to say it won’t happen again? I don’t want to be in a relationship where I can’t trust her when we aren’t getting along.

Should I leave well enough alone or do I dig until I get the truth at the probable expense of the relationship between us and between her friends?

–J

The

Doing the right thing on June 8, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Here’s the thing — my boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. He has basically treated me like gold for those two and a half years. But lately, he has been so distant and beyond mean. I told him that he was not treating me right and if he didn’t shape up, he would be shipped out. He would just get mad at me and tell me that I was overreacting and that he was just really confused. I would ask him “confused about what?” and he would never give me a straight answer. So the other day I was at his house and I decided to go on his computer on AOL. When I went on I found letters that he sent to a girl saying how she looked really good (she must have sent him pictures via e-mail) and he wanted to get to know her better. He even sent her a picture, our homecoming picture with me cut out, via email. I was furious and just left his house. I was trying to give him a chance to redeem himself by treating me right and making me trust him again. But he did no such thing. I dumped him less than an hour ago and I feel terrible. My heart feels like it is broken in half. Did I do the right thing? Or should I take him back and see if things change? I just love him so much, I don’t know what to do.

— Distraught

Dear Distraught,

After a relationship, snipping up photographs (with scissors or Photo Shop) is Arts and Crafts Therapy. During a relationship, it is an Act of War. Sorry.

Love,
Breakup Girl

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn hears from Need Lots of Help, who probably only needs a little help. She writes:

I try not to bother him and respect his privacy just as I would anyone. However, he closes his open windows, especially his email, if I go near him when he is online. What does this mean?

Good question. Check out Lynn’s answer, along with the full letter at Happen, then come back here to add your own thoughts!

Classic advice from April 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I recently tapped my home phone and found out my wife was planning to meet a male “friend” to “hang out” for the coming weekend. A few days before, she told me she was going out-of-town to hang out with some old girl friends.

I confronted her with what I thought was a planned affair. She denied any affair, and insists that the guy is only a friend and nothing else. Although the conversation I heard had no explicit plan, i.e. “…we’ll meet and screw,” it was fraught with the kind of sexual tension and innuendo that only two lovers have. He was saying things like “the door is always open…” etc.

I pressed the issue and my wife admitted that they had had an “incident” before we met. She says that she has no intention of sleeping with anyone but me and that she loves me, and that this guy is not sexually interested in her. However, their phone conversation sounded totally different too me.

I didn’t reveal how I got my info, but now I don’t know if I should trust my wife. Is this an innocent diversion? Or something that is bound to happen?

— Sleeping With One Eye Open

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MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn assists a guy who is Haunted By Her Past – And perhaps with good reason, since she is not discouraging calls texts and emails from them like:

One guy, when he found out we were together, texted: “I guess you don’t love me any more.” Another guy — someone she was engaged to — texted several times to confirm that she was “truly happy” and yet another wants to meet up for lunch and a movie.

Read the letter at Happen then come back here to comment!

In the naked city, two-timing ain’t always so black and white…

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