Getting down to basics on January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

How do I french-kiss a girl? I need exact steps on how to do it because I’m going out with this girl I met and I don’t want to act stupid not knowing how to french-kiss her. Can you please help me?

— Jason

Dear Jason,

Not really, but there’s someone I think you ought to meet.

Love,
Breakup Girl