Rubbed the wrong way on March 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a platonic/romantic relationship with my masseur, who has been my companion to movies and dinner [for the last four months]. He’s nearly 20 years older. We are remarkably compatible, except that he’s jealous of my busy work and social life, saying that he gave all that up when he was a lawyer to pursue massaging — a more relaxing lifestyle. Anyway, I was getting tired of his mixed messages of “I love you, but I’m too old for you” — and so I decided to see less of him. At first he blamed me for my “change in priorities.” Now, he is really chasing me, calling or paging me everyday. I don’t always return his calls, which he isn’t happy about. I am feeling ambivalent, but torn. What is going on here?

— Anastasia

Dear Anastasia,

First of all, “ambivalent” and “torn” are the same thing. Second of all, platonic and romantic are not. Neither are “relaxing lifestyle” and “calling or paging me every day.” If Monsieur Masseur truly followed his dream and left the great American legal tradition for the Great American Back Rub, more power to him. But no fair for him to pass judgement on your lifestyle and get all less-busy-than-thou. He’s clearly still defensive about his shift to life in the slower lane. Find someone else to get the knots out of your back while he works out the kinks in his life.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Raising the bar on March 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about a year and while I care for him very much, he constantly disappoints me. He has a habit of calling me hours (or even minutes) before we are supposed to go out and tells me he is going to be late or he simply can’t go. I think I love him, but this behavior causes me to call these feelings into question. I make time in my busy schedule (I am a law student) to see him, and I am hurt by the constant disappointments. What should I do?

— Marilyn

Dear Marilyn,

Breakup Girl looked at your Life-Runner, and you don’t have time to make time for someone who won’t make time for you.

Love,
Breakup Girl

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn counsels Tired of Asking For Answers, whose boyfriend is “respectful and loving” — yet, never initiates time together or reciprocates any gift giving …

…his lack of motivation is turning me off and making me think I’m wasting my time. Why is it that I can shower him with gifts and my time and he won’t return the favor?

Even though he’s talked about their future together, is he really just not that into her? Or is she asking too much? Read the letter at Happen, then chime in below!

Second thoughts from March 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

For the past three months I have been dating this guy. We started out as friends working together and things developed from there. Well, now that I have spent a lot of time with him I realize that maybe we should have remained just friends. Now the problem is that he is in love with me and wants a long-term relationship. I want to concentrate on my career right now and have no time for such a serious relationship. I really care for him but I don’t want to stay in this relationship but I don’t want to hurt him either. Help!

— Raven

Dear Raven,

My best friend and I have this joke where if someone asks one of us, “How’s your love life?” we always say, “My CAREER is going GREAT!” Even after like six years, we still find this side-splitting. Usually.

(more…)

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn counsels Brokenhearted Bob, who romanced a fellow Peace Corps volunteer in Africa, and now has a long distance relationship to deal with/over analyze. Now half-way around the world, Bob is having a hard time getting a read:

I said I’d come visit. She said “Really? Well isn’t that kind of rushing things?” Rushing? She’s the one who had brought up monogamy and had made the trek across part of Africa to visit me.

Should Bob push things or slow down? Read the full letter at Happen Magazine, then come back here to comment!

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you’ll find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn advises Maybe Not So Mature? who can’t stop thinking about her fling with a younger man.

I cannot stop thinking about him. It’s driving me nuts! This is not what I need because I am finally ready to date after being divorced over a year and dating losers for six months. I feel weak for sitting and hoping that he calls.

Is she putting too much emphasis on this dalliance and should she feel bad about that? See if you agree with Lynn’s advice, then come back here to comment!

Getting back out there on March 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

It’s been almost a year, and I still feel sick to my stomach when I see the answering machine with zero messages. I know we can never bet back together, but I keep waiting for him to say he made a mistake. After fifteen years together, I don’t know where to go to meet someone else. Any advice for a 40-year-old NYC girl to find someone else to spend my energy on?

— Brook

Dear Brook,

Please know that we all feel a mite queasy when we come home to zero messages. I think we all know what Randy Travis meant when he sang, “If my phone still ain’t ringing, I assume it still ain’t you.” BG even has a friend — we’ll call her Randy — who *69s when she zeros out, just to see for sure.

(more…)

Unlimited calling on March 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am turning to you to get another viewpoint — hopefully one from someone not so closely involved in this mess.

My friends and family all say “just hang up on the sucka!” Yes, you’ve guessed it, I’m getting divorced from my husband of 5 years…and he will not leave me alone. He calls me at work, at home, when I’m in the shower, outside, in meetings — I’ve repeatedly asked, told, begged, pleaded with him not to do this, but it continues.

At home, I’ve got Caller ID and can screen calls through the answering machine, and unless he actually has some valid reason he needs to speak with me, I let him leave a message and do not talk to him. At work, however, I have to pick up my phone when it rings (unique concept, huh?!) and at least once a day it’s him. “Hi, whadda ya doin?” He has never grasped that I work in a furiously fast-paced computer software company, and I have neither the time or inclination (especially now!) to sit and talk to him about nothing…that kind of behavior is for lovers, which we certainly aren’t now and probably never were (yes, it was a horrible marriage and involved every kind of abuse you can think of from him towards me). I just want him out of my life.

(more…)

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you’ll find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn helps KA who was recently spurned by a friend-boy and is feeling like a mutant because she’s never had a boyfriend at the ripe old age of 22. Check out Lynn’s advice-slash-pep-talk at Happen, then come back here to add your own thoughts below!

Better safe than sorry on March 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend and I discussed getting free and anonymous HIV tests together. He agreed that it would be a good idea. We always practice safe sex. However, we broke up during Christmas and I made the mistake of sleeping with someone else unprotected. I haven’t told anyone else about this other guy because I am so ashamed. I haven’t even told my best friend. I feel scared.

Now, my boyfriend has decided that he doesn’t want to get tested together. I don’t even know if he wants to get tested at all. He consistently avoids or changes the subject every time I bring it up. What should I do? It is always on my mind. I am scared to go alone (partly because I hate needles). Please help!

— Alone and Needle Phobic

(more…)