Oh no! You know, I did hear something about him and Ben Affleck.

Via Broadsheet:

Turns out there’s an old law on the books in Wisconsin that prohibits couples from leaving the state to marry and returning with a union that’s not valid in Wisconsin. Not sure this is what the drafters in 1915 had in mind, but this would apparently include going to California, say, to marry a partner of the same sex and then coming home to the Badger State. The offense: fraud, carrying a penalty of up to nine months of jail time and a fine of up to $10K.

Would anyone actually want to prosecute them? Ya, shore, you betcha. “Someone has to prosecute them,” Julaine Appling of the Wisconsin Anti-Fraud Family Council told CNN. “That’s a defrauding of the government.”

See you in court, say Wisconsin couple Kathy Cox and Kim Whalen, who, having been together for 20 years, plan to visit CA to tie the knot in August. “The pioneers get the arrows, and the settlers get the land,” they told CNN. “So we’ll take a few arrows.”

When it comes to sex smarts, the youngish generation has — at least in theory — an advantage. We come from the school of sex ed that — never mind the condoms passed out like candy and the environmentally evil towers of pamphlets — scared the living crap out of us with horrifyingly explicit medical details and threat of death by French kiss.

So at least we came out with bit of a clue. But (never mind these folks) what about those who went before? A new study has revealed that the rates of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) among those over 45 more than doubled in less than a decade. Genital warts was most commonly diagnosed; men in general and people between the ages of 55 and 59 were significantly more likely to have an STI than anyone else.

Experts say that once you’re beyond fearing pregnancy (or so you might think) it’s easy to forget that you need protection for, you know, other stuff. They also stress the importance of equating sexual health only with young people.

“The almost exclusive focus on the sexual health of young people has tended to ignore older age groups, who are also at risk,” say the study’s authors. “Programmes aimed at preventing sexually transmitted infections should be tailored toward different age groups and do more to dispel myths and assumptions about the level of sexual activity among older age groups.”

Hey, this other new study shouldn’t hurt either.

Pee-wee Herman always knew what to say. He never screwed up — he totally “meant to do that!” And there’s just no arguing with “I know you are but what am I!?”

Plus: if you exclaimed that you just love something, Pee-wee’d be all over it: “Well if you love it so much, why don’t you marry it?” In fact, in one episode of Pee-wee’s Playhouse, Pee-wee walked his own talk with a formal ceremony in which he wed a bowl of fruit salad. (What to give the happy couple for their fourth anniversary?)

Well, on that why-dontcha-marry-it tip, one woman may have Pee-wee beat. She became so enamored of the Berlin Wall after seeing “his” picture as a youth that she developed a childhood crush that eventually led to marriage. In her mind, at least. As the Telegraph reports, Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, 54, has finally come out about her “husband” and general attraction to inanimate objects (she prefers ’em long and slim, wouldn’t you know.) Apparently she and the Wall are quite loving and happy together, and have been for the past 29 years, which, it should be noted, is longer than most human-on-human marriages these days. But we just have to ask: is making conversation like talking to a … well, you know.

If you’re looking for fireworks in your backyard and your bedroom this Fourth of July, perhaps you should eat an extra slice (or ten) of watermelon. According to a new study, the phyto-nutrients found in watermelon include lycopene, beta carotene — and the “lovely” citrulline, proven to have a calming, Viagra-esque effect on blood vessels. Inconveniently, citrulline is most prevalent in the rind, so be careful not to hurt your teeth.

“We’ve always known that watermelon is good for you, but the list of its very important healthful benefits grows longer with each study,” said Dr. Bhimu Patil, a scientist involved with the study. Did he just say “grows longer?”

The New York Daily News, our fair city’s runner-up for best morning-after headlines, recently reported that women are not enjoying one-night stands as much as men. According to a survey published in the journal Human Nature, 58% of women said they would not have a casual encounter again, compared to only 23% of men who felt the same. The study found that women still tend to feel “used” after a one-night stand, and that in such brief encounters, often feel let down by sex that’s “not as satisfying as they’d hoped for.” Men, for their part, tended to regret their choice of partners, lamenting that the women “weren’t as attractive in the morning as they’d seemed the night before.”

Over here at BG.net, we’re not sure either how much we’d respect the ultimate conclusions of this study in the morning. Because maybe it’s not so much that “women have not adapted to casual sex” (Urr?) but that society’s double standards (still!) have not adapted to women having casual sex. Check out Feministing’s response for more.

BG’s alter ego is on vacation for two weeks, so we’re gonna be running with a skeleton crew around here. You’ll see see the (brand! new! world! premiere!) comics here on Mondays, plus MSN.com columns & commentary on Tuesdays — plus assorted other goodies here and there from Chris and the blogging team — and we’ll be back up at full steam the week of June 29. And in the meantime, as always, you can meander through our vast stores of advice, comics, animation, and much, much more (don’t forget BG’s Magic Beach Ball!)

Hope everyone’s enjoying the summer!

Who knew? Turns out virginity pledges may not be as counterproductive as previously believed, IF we consider such survey results reliable. But no matter who’s pledging what and for how long, here — in the report from USA Today — is the kicker, from the study’s lead author, psychologist Steven Martino of Pittsburgh: “[T]hat’s not to say virginity pledges should substitute for comprehensive sex education, because a majority of teens do have sex…even among teens who take virginity pledges.”

The concept of “living in sin” could be dying a not-so-slow death. According to USA Today, a new study by the National Marriage Project has found that among Americans and our friends across the pond, cohabitation is growing more and more popular as an alternative to marriage. (From 1995-2005, the marriage rate in the U.S. declined nearly 20%.) Quoth one half of a cohabitating couple, “It’s what’s happening in the world of dating, and it’s not necessarily a path anywhere.”

For some couples, that works out just fine. They’re not interested in marriage, so the only path they need is the one toward their shared mailbox. But some experts — and, you know, people interested in a certain rose-strewn path toward a certain officiant — still wonder if living together is the most advisable next step. So, in certain cases, do certain superheroes.

What are your thoughts/experiences? Have you been shacked up — and back? Share!

Take that, Jake Ryan!