We have all, at some point, watched a close friend vanish into the hurl-dorable vortex that is love. I know I have! And, of course, many of us have entered that vortex ourselves. One that may include (for instance) repairing one’s beloved’s only flaw — “You’ve never seen Buffy?!” — with an intensive marathon that also, necessarily, includes Angel. Then she/he is all, “You’ve never seen The Wire?!” and poof, you emerge months later into the sun, glassy-eyed, watching your back for vamps, and wondering where all your friends went.

Well, Buffy or no Buffy, the friend attrition that comes with love is definitely a thing, according to new research at Oxford University. In fact, they counted:

Oxford University researchers asked people about their inner core of friendships and how this number changed when romance entered the equation.

They found the core, which numbers about five people, dropped by two as a new lover came to dominate daily life.

“People who are in romantic relationships — instead of having the typical five [individuals] on average, they only have four in that circle,” explained Robin Dunbar, a professor of evolutionary anthropology at Oxford.

“And bearing in mind that one of those is the new person that’s come into your life, it means you’ve had to give up two others.”

But it doesn’t have to be this way, does it? On the one hand, you know, your friends don’t come on your honeymoon: even grudging single friends should allow their newly smitten compadres and compadrinas a grace period. It’s a thrilling, fizzy, heady time, and we need to give them that, just as we’d want them to “let” us have ours. On the other, folks, even if you find that special someone who “gives you everything” and “meets all your needs,” well, they don’t. They may be wonderful in every way — even a wonderful friend to you — but they’re not a full-on swap-in substitute for friend-friends. The bestest love relationships are those that enhance your lives and sense of connection to people and the world, and those in which you each have space and time to nurture your own, separate, friendships. So once you stop seeing those early-in-love stars, make sure you keep seeing your friends.

We use a lot of offhand shorthand about being “crazy” for someone or, on a not so good day, about a “psycho” ex. But figures of speech aside, what — as Jezebel (and, earlier, BG) have asked — is it like to date while you yourself are struggling with actual mental health issues? (Related: or with autism?) Sheesh. Obvious but necessary thing to say: Dating is hard enough when you don’t have (say) an eating disorder. You know? What do you do on dates when just the thought of just “grabbing a bite” is a source of unbearable stress? When (as with disability issues) do you disclose: soon enough to be honest, but not so early that you scare them off? How do you even get out there in the first place when — as one woman interviewed told Jezebel — you walk around with “this core self-belief that, basically, [you] suck”? Read the whole piece for some insight and perspective, but perhaps the key message therein is this (from Dr. Sarah Ravin):

Choose a partner who brings you joy and pleasure and fun. Try to view dating as an opportunity to grow emotionally, meet new people, practice new skills, and take healthy risks. If dating seems very stressful or boring or anxiety-provoking, you’re either not ready to date yet or you’re dating the wrong person.

“Sounds,” as Jezebel notes, “like good advice for anyone.”

Check out this whole-series Buffy trailer, which made me wishsohard I had the entire thing to watch over again, for the first time. For those of you non-Buffcore fans following along at home, yes, the series ended in 2003. And yes, people are still making these trailers. Still. Shouldn’t they (um) get over it and move on? (They even had the chance to rebound with Angel! And then Cordelia was even on Veronica Mars, which was like Buffy without the undead!)

Eh, I don’t think so. Because — as our tipster said — “the fact that fans are still working this turf really speaks to the power of a beloved story and the ability of media to create a sense of family.” Might seem weird, yes, but it’s undeniable and therefore important. Related: Show of hands — how many of you have, as a beginning-of-relationship rite of passage (through probably not pass/fail like the football trivia quiz in Diner), re-watched all of Buffy just so your new loved one could, you know, “understand”?

Good Morning America gave us our first look at the musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark on Friday. There were interviews with Bono and The Edge, as well as Julie Taymor, and lead Reeve Carney sang “Boy Falls From the Sky” which you can watch below.

Not as catchy as the 1967 Spider-Man theme, or the Electric Company Spider-Man theme, but we’re still taking a wait-and-see approach. For pictures of the Taymor-ized Green Goblin and the musical’s new villain, Swiss Miss, check out this SuperHeroHype post.

The Predicament of the Week from April 20, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

You won’t believe this, but I was your Predicament of the Week about 2 weeks ago. Hopefully, I won’t be again, but I guess I’m well on my way. You may recall that I was the one with the long-distance boyfriend who took off on a holiday to Spain at the last minute, cancelling out on me OVER EMAIL (way tacky), and then apologizing for the “prevarication”. Anyway, even though I tried (I really did) to cut him loose like the necrotic tumerous tissue that he is, I just couldn’t help myself, and lo and behold, fell right back into that nasty spider’s web he calls his bed. I’ve just returned from yet another rendezvous at yet another European capital (and believe me I’m tired of all this jet-lag), where we spent an idyllic three days “catching up.”

Here’s the problem. I’m still married, although my husband and I have agreed to separate, especially since he found out about the entire affair and is really upset and broken-hearted since “HE” was his friend for over 10 years. Sh*t happens I know, and I feel really, really bad about it. I feel even worse that it was over The Prevaricator, since I know it was totally wrong and God’s going to punish me for doing such an awful thing to my husband. What’s done can’t be undone at this stage, and that’s another letter anyway.

Here’s my dilemma. Mr. Prevaricator insists that I’m his “best friend,” which I don’t doubt, since that’s how this whole thing started anyway. The problem is that he thinks that he and I can maintain a “casual” sexual relationship. He also says that he doesn’t want me to see other men, but that I shouldn’t think of him as a long term relationship, even though he doesn’t want to lose me as his best friend whenever it’s over (I guess he means the sex bit). He doesn’t know when that might be, but just knows it will have to end eventually. I think he’s finally lost it, since it doesn’t make any sense to be someone’s best friend and have a casual sexual affair with them. BG, isn’t that an oxymoron? I mean you can’t unknow somebody, then re-know them a few minutes later as your best friend.

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…to those who celebrate it — and to anyone else who needs it.

See you Friday!

A smart, funny, brave, and devoted pop culture acolyte, writer/comedienne/member of US Weekly Fashion Police (!!!) Wendy Shanker first won us over with her wise and witty 2004 book The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life, which explores the complex reality of being a healthy, plus-sized woman in a world that doesn’t always encourage self-acceptance.

Out today: Shanker’s new memoir Are You My Guru?: How Medicine, Meditation & Madonna Saved My Life, chronicles an intense eight-year period during which the author was diagnosed with a rare and debilitating autoimmune disease, Wegener’s granulomatosis. While holding down a demanding job, Shanker seeks relief and guidance from medical experts and healers representing a variety of traditions, from the hardcore pharmacological to the ancient Ayurvedic.

As Shanker begins to trust her own instincts about which therapies will work for her, she learns how to cope with the stresses of the disease and a hectic New York lifestyle — and discovers a thing or two about what it really means to heal. The narrative is laced with references to her ultimate guru, Madonna, as Shanker covers the topic of serious illness with the same forthrightness, attention to detail, and laugh-out-loud humor that made her first book such a refreshing read.

The delightful Shanker spoke with BreakupGirl.net about her memoir:

Who do you hope to reach with this book?

Um, Madonna. (laughs) I assume she’ll never even know it exists, but if it does cross her path, I hope she’ll get a kick out of it.

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MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn hears from Need Lots of Help, who probably only needs a little help. She writes:

I try not to bother him and respect his privacy just as I would anyone. However, he closes his open windows, especially his email, if I go near him when he is online. What does this mean?

Good question. Check out Lynn’s answer, along with the full letter at Happen, then come back here to add your own thoughts!

The engagement is off on April 20, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I broke up with my fiance, whom I had been with for seven years, via letter last November. (Via letter because doing it face-to-face or by phone would have resulted in one of our world-famous knockdown dragout screaming battles… anyway, that’s not the issue.) After the breakup we sent letters back & forth for several months, each of which was progressively more hostile. He was mad at me and I had this sort of righteous indignation thing going on.

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MTV + Foursquare + STD testing = a cool move in an effort to destigmatize taking care of your sexual health. Getting yourself tested should be as routine, and frankly, as Tweetable, as getting yourself a latte. I like!