The Predicament of the Week from April 20, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

You won’t believe this, but I was your Predicament of the Week about 2 weeks ago. Hopefully, I won’t be again, but I guess I’m well on my way. You may recall that I was the one with the long-distance boyfriend who took off on a holiday to Spain at the last minute, cancelling out on me OVER EMAIL (way tacky), and then apologizing for the “prevarication”. Anyway, even though I tried (I really did) to cut him loose like the necrotic tumerous tissue that he is, I just couldn’t help myself, and lo and behold, fell right back into that nasty spider’s web he calls his bed. I’ve just returned from yet another rendezvous at yet another European capital (and believe me I’m tired of all this jet-lag), where we spent an idyllic three days “catching up.”

Here’s the problem. I’m still married, although my husband and I have agreed to separate, especially since he found out about the entire affair and is really upset and broken-hearted since “HE” was his friend for over 10 years. Sh*t happens I know, and I feel really, really bad about it. I feel even worse that it was over The Prevaricator, since I know it was totally wrong and God’s going to punish me for doing such an awful thing to my husband. What’s done can’t be undone at this stage, and that’s another letter anyway.

Here’s my dilemma. Mr. Prevaricator insists that I’m his “best friend,” which I don’t doubt, since that’s how this whole thing started anyway. The problem is that he thinks that he and I can maintain a “casual” sexual relationship. He also says that he doesn’t want me to see other men, but that I shouldn’t think of him as a long term relationship, even though he doesn’t want to lose me as his best friend whenever it’s over (I guess he means the sex bit). He doesn’t know when that might be, but just knows it will have to end eventually. I think he’s finally lost it, since it doesn’t make any sense to be someone’s best friend and have a casual sexual affair with them. BG, isn’t that an oxymoron? I mean you can’t unknow somebody, then re-know them a few minutes later as your best friend.

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The Predicament of the Week from March 16, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been having this long-distance love affair for the past three years with a man who was a close family friend, until we got involved. To make a long story short, I’m now separated from my husband, and my lover and I have been trying to work on moving our relationship forward. Here’s the problem. He was supposed to come visit me (we haven’t seen each other in four months, as he lives overseas), and he’d even set the dates that he’d be over. Supposedly, he wasn’t able to come out sooner due to “business.” So there I am waiting for his phone call giving me flight details, when I get this email from the son-of-a-bit…. that he’s gone on vacation for the week to Spain (?!) and that I would “really be helping him out” if I came over instead in two weeks time for the weekend. Oh, the clincher was his closing line — get this BG: “Sorry about the prevarication.” Like, now we need to use fancy words for Big Fat Liar?!

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