My problem is that it always seems that the guys who want to get involved with me are the ones who have girlfriends waiting at home for them. One guy in particular introduced me to his girlfriend without my even having a clue that he had one. I’m really afraid of repeating the same mistake. Do you know of any signs or signals that I can look for to ensure that this will not continue to happen?
— Completely Misunderstood Dear Misunderstood,
Use the word “scrunchie” in a sentence. If he understands you, he’s got a Betty back at home. (Alternate test word: “loofah.”)
To me, the idea that, out of nothing but earth and water and sunlight, these wildly complex living beings have developed, not only with the capacity for consciousness but with the capacity to create the experience of ecstasy for ourselves and one another…that is just jaw-droppingly astonishing. We can create the experience of joy, of deep, expansive pleasure that takes us out of ourselves and into one another…and we do it through a complex re-arrangement of the energy of the sun, and the atoms and molecules of the planet.
That is magnificent. That, more than any spiritual belief I ever had, makes me feel both humble and proud. That makes me feel intimately connected with the rest of the Universe…in a way that no spiritual practice ever did. What’s that old hippie song about how we’re stardust, made of billion- year- old carbon? You don’t have to believe in metaphysical energy to think that that is wicked cool.
There’s something else, too. When you look at human beings from a materialist and evolutionary standpoint, not as special spiritual entities or children of the Goddess but simply as another twig on the evolutionary tree…that view puts sex squarely front and center in the human experience. Sex has an immensely important place in the evolutionary scheme. Darwin wrote an entire book about it.
Why does sex feel so good? Sex feels so good because it evolved to feel good. Sex feels profoundly, transcendently amazing because evolutionary forces strongly favor animals who really, really like to boff. That’s an oversimplification — for one thing, evolution can also favor animals who are picky about their sex partners — but it is a huge part of the picture./snip/
In other words: According to a materialist viewpoint, the capacity for transcendent sexual joy is hard- wired into our brains…and it’s deeply and powerfully hard- wired, as a crucial and central feature of our lives, by hundreds of millions of years of evolution. /snip/
[This] means that the act of sex, and the experience of sexual pleasure, connects us to every other living thing on earth. We are the cousins of everything that lives on this planet, with a common ancestor of primordial soup going back billions of years…and we are all related, not entirely but substantially, because of sex.
That is awesome. That makes me want to go f*ck right now, just so I can feel connected with my fish and tetrapod and primate ancestors. That is entirely made of win.
Now, I would argue that the experience of Extreme Connectedness she describes is a spiritual experience. But why get all is-too-is-not over such a plainly lovely, and passionate, piece of writing? Primordial soup never sounded so hot.
Made by Triumph International, the hardly-intimate apparel features a pen for signing marriage contracts, a ring receptacle that plays “The Wedding March” when filled, and a timer that appears thematically relevant but whose actual purpose remains unclear.
Perhaps it’s performance art wrapped in a public service announcement inside a wardrobe malfunction. As Reuters notes: “Japan’s marriage rate is falling and the average age at which women get married is over 28 years, relatively late for a country in which single females were once considered over the hill at 25.”
Filed under: Psychology,TV — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:02 am
Science Daily: “New research by psychologists at the University at Buffalo and Miami University, Ohio, indicates that illusionary relationships with the characters and personalities on favorite TV shows can provide people with feelings of belonging, even in the face of low self esteem or after being rejected by friends or family members.”
I could have told you that. (But I told Liz Lemon instead.)
One thing singles tell me a lot is that they enjoy singlehood, they really do — and that they would enjoy it even more if they knew, for super-sure guarantee, that it also had an end date. Well, one new movie — starring BG imaginary BFF Emma Caulfield as a gal named Oona — uses machine-as-metaphor to make that fantasy real. It’s TiMER, in which women and men may choose to be implanted with a device that counts down the days, minutes, and seconds until they meet The One. But Oona’s timer is blank. So what will she do? Like the rest of us in the real world, will she have to just “just know”?
From the trailer, TiMER looks like a sweet sci-fi wrapped in a chick-flick tied with a careful-what-you-wish-for bow. And since what we’ve been wishing for is the return of Emma Caulfield, we’re not gonna be careful at all. (Now if we could just know for sure when — or if — it’ll go into wide release.)
Eight months ago, my best friend/boss started sleeping with my husband of six months. After a minor nervous breakdown (in which I bought a convertible and dyed my hair blonde), I went back to work. My question is: Am I justified in referring to her to customers as a “badly-dressed Petri dish”? And what underhanded and nasty things do you suggest to continue in my quest to be a constant and bitter thorn in her side?
— Beth
 Dear Beth,
One of the problems with the “Petri dish” metaphor is that your customers, like Breakup Girl, will not really be sure what you mean. But there are much more important issues here. Calling her mean names is — here it comes again — legal (in a First Amendment sense), but tacky. Breakup Girl has always discouraged “underhanded and nasty acts” as a means of revenge. Why? Because they make you look bad — to the people in front of whom you most want to look good: (1) the evildoer(s), and (2) yourself. When you look back, you feel worse.
The best way to get back at those who have done you wrong is to immediately be successful all areas of your life. You were on the right track with the car and the hair.
Ah, spring! Love in air, Mr. Softee around corner, lighter-weight cape on shopping list. Where would a gal like BG spend her super-cash? Why, right here, of course — which, shh, is the super-secret hideout for this. And which, in turn, could always use a few of your nickels and dimes. And so, BG is proud to promo:
Breakup Girl
is the superhero whose domain is LOVE or the lack thereof!
Her blog combines new comics, observations and dating news with
classic advice letters--now blogified for reader feedback!
e-mail to a friend in need
A playa-dater from February 9, 1998…
Japan’s latest novelty bra (yes, there’s 
