Via Broadsheet:

God! Would you just let me have a LIFE?! According to CNN — dateline: Opposite World — this is what some parents are, or need to be, saying to their kids. Specifically, parents (in the story, mothers) who are looking online for a new partner, and kids (mainly adults themselves) who are, true story, hacking into their mothers’ email and sending rejections to potential suitors. (Another reportedly drove back and forth yelling at her mom while on an outdoor date with an online beau. Check, please!)

Who knew that the “younger generation” — those perhaps most likely to be Tweeting/Facebooking/LiveJournaling about how gross it is that mom’s on eHarmony– would (along with CNN, just a bit) be the ones perpetuating the ancient-in-Internet-years canard that online dating is WhereYouMeetLyingWeirdos.com? Why is online so different from real life? Who says that guy/gal in a bar is telling the truth? How often does the person you meet in person come right out and say, “I enjoy snowboarding and film noir, and in about three months I’m going to start to pull away”? (or “Please enjoy my backyard compound?”) True, some parents, unseasoned daters and e-flirters, might be a tad fuzzy regarding red flags; fair enough. But at the same time, depending on the circumstances — and speaking of bars — their brick-and-mortar options for meeting people might be limited. Online seems ideal for second-timers (if not, like, everyone).

Of course, it’s pretty obvious that what’s really going on here is not “Yikes, mom’s dating online!” but rather, simply, “Yikes, mom’s dating!” — circa 2009. There’s no doubt that seeing a marriage end and a parent move on can be challenging, even devastating. But sometimes, I guess, we just have to let them grow up.

With the exception of the Iron Chef shows, I readily admit that I do not watch a lot of reality cooking programs. I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to be getting from these shows that pit big city chefs against each other and force them to concoct 12-course meals without using flour, sugar, water and milk and instead focusing all their food on lavender-infused soy milk. And I supposed I’ve worked in to many kitchens to care about the heightened drama TV tries to lend to those places.

That said, I am addicted to $12 Challenge. It’s a dating and food competition all rolled into one. The tag line for the Web-based series on Food2.com is: “2 Love-Hungry Cooks. 1 Hot Date. 1 Ticking Clock and $12. Oh, and the City is their only kitchen.”

The competitors are regular people — not real chefs — and they have $12 and two hours to buy and cook a meal of the datee’s choice. And they have to use their creativity to figure out how to cook these meals. In the most recent Webisode, for example, Chanell and Athena are competing for a date with Larry who wants steak and eggs (and is, “Hungry for everything — love, food…” Such a player!). Chanell cooks her meal at a dry cleaners using an iron (it turns out that you CAN cook eggs with an iron if you have to) and Athena uses a blowtorch at a body shop for hers. Other wannabe lovers have talked their way into deli’s and restaurants and used real kitchens, but it’s much more entertaining to watch the girls wielding their improvised searing implements to get their food done.

Best of all, the episodes are about five minutes long. Perfect for procrastinating work without demanding too much of a commitment.

Taking the leap on February 23, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am a perfectly attractive, intelligent, successful, and talented young lady in my early 20s. I am also incredibly shy and so, I never got into the whole dating/relationship scene (yes, I am for real!). So I have a couple of questions: 1) Is it too late for me now, since everyone else has at least 7 or 8 years on me of experience? And does my delay mean there is something inherently wrong with me? 2) How do I go about it now that I’m out of the high school/college scene and working? I’ve just moved to a new city and know absolutely no one! and 3) is it even worth it after all the horror stories I keep hearing in your advice columns? These are three mysteries of life I’ve been pondering for a while now and can’t seem to find anyone else who can answer them.

— A Basket Case in C

Dear Basket Case,

You do realize, of course, that the people with all this “experience” are the same people with all the “horror stories.”

You’ll be fine.

Love,
Breakup Girl

“Trying to impress that hottie at the bar? Money talks. Hand out your number on the back of one of our fake ATM receipts. They’re a players [sic] dream come true.”

Where to begin (other than with a warning against the risks of fake-identity theft)?

Let me just say this, and not for the first time: You know how people hesitate to meet people online, for fear that they’ll, you know, lie? And how I always say hey, people lie in bars?

Well.

One more thing: if there’s not a romantic comedy about a guy who uses one of these on a girl who (inexplicably) turns out to like him and then he has to maintain the lie through all sorts of highjinks that make him look like he’s rich, which totally works until it doesn’t and then she hates him but then comes back, and he learns something about life, love, and himself, then I have $782,012 in my bank account. Hey, wait.

An epidemic of narcissism is what may be keeping you single, according to the authors / psychologists cited in this piece at the Daily Beast. “Narcissism, even in small doses, has shifted courtship into a high-stakes relationship culture,” goes their argument. “Now that people think more highly of themselves, expectations of what a relationship should be like have skyrocketed into the realm of superlatives. Twentysomethings not only expect to waltz into high-level career positions right out of college, they also expect partners who have the moral fortitude of Nelson Mandela, the comedic timing of Stephen Colbert, the abs of Hugh Jackman, and the hair of Patrick Dempsey.”

But … don’t the grownups say every generation is self-absorbed? And shouldn’t we have [healthily] high expectations for lasting love? Don’t some young’uns just need to grow up a bit? That’s what they’re wondering over at the The Frisky, where Wendy Atterberry writes, “I suspect today’s youth, just like the generations before, will mature and become less self-involved over time. They’ll begin seeing potential mates in terms of not only how happy they make them feel, but how much better they are when they’re with them: better friends, better employees, better contributing members of society.”

Read ’em both. And tell us: what do you think, given that your opinion is of course the most insightful of all? 😉

Writing in today’s WaPo, Jenée Desmond-Harris wonders: “It’s easy to see now that [Barack Obama] was a great catch, but how many of us would have been open to this guy who strayed so far from the black Prince Charming ideal, starting with his very name?” Her exhortation: “[I]f black women are going to defy the statistics, they need to start being more realistic. Holding out for the perfect man, someone who is intellectual but not nerdy—cool but not arrogant—impeccably dressed but not effeminate—not a player but with just the right amount of edge—is useless.” Read the piece, then let us know: just another scolding for the “picky“* among us, or does Desmond-Harris have a point?

* “picky,” as in: about the person with whom you’re going to spend the rest of your life

New Depression dating has had plenty of play in the media this year — dates on a dime, broke and breaking up, yada yada. Here’s the latest: library dates.

Oddly, though, the advice here is to use the library resource for romcoms and sex manuals. But just like you bookworms, I’m thinking the obvious: why not hit the libe ON a date? (Was my alma mater the only college where sex in the stacks was a graduation requirement?)

I’m not advocating public fornication. (No really, I’m not.) But I honestly like the idea of browsing the stacks together, trailing your hands across weathered spines, just talking ’bout books. And, okay, I really like the idea of gleaning a few roleplay ideas from that buttoned-up bookstress seated straight-backed at the desk.

Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., went on Fox News to discuss the war the economy the First Date Night. Rick’s tips for keeping the spark alive (and being married at all): keep the dates simple, focus on the sweet little things, and don’t be black.

Read the transcript at Salon. More at Kos.

Let’s hope they’re more charming than the want-ad for their services.

… who are not Chris! Or Mike!

Read the piece at Nerve.com to find out how to make your love life go from stop-motion to Flash! Or something. (Chris didn’t write this post, either.)

Bonus: here’s where you can go on your first date.