July 16
From NPR:
If you have a happy marriage, you might let your kids date more. If you have a bad marriage, you may keep your teenagers closer to home. A new study links parents’ satisfaction in their own relationships to the dating rules they set for their children. Alex Cohen talks to Stephanie Madsen, lead author of the study and professor of psychology at McDaniel College, about what that link says about parents.
Give it a listen and let us know what you think!
July 15
Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, the advice column penned by BG’s alter ego at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This week, we meet Bewildered Brittany, who says she keeps meeting men, finding flaws, and breaking up with them. Hmm! Is she having commitment issues, or is she … dating? Find out what Lynn says, and come back here to comment!
July 1
Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, BG’s alter ego’s column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This week, we meet “Very Puzzled,” who asks Lynn to resolve yet another age-old question: “Who pays for the date?” VP, it should be noted, is new at this … again. A single 40-year-old woman, she’s been in school and out of the pool for a while. Now that she’s back, she writes, “I find that most men I have met expect ‘Dutch treat’… . When did the world change so much? Am I just meeting stingy guys, or is it now the right etiquette for me to expect to pay my own way even if asked out? Am I just too old-fashioned to date?”
Far as Lynn is concerned, the central who-pays question can be answered in three little words. (But, of course, she adds a few more.) Check out the whole Q&A, and then come back here to leave your own tips. (I mean, if your date paid the bill, you should at least offer.)
June 12
The concept of “living in sin†could be dying a not-so-slow death. According to USA Today, a new study by the National Marriage Project has found that among Americans and our friends across the pond, cohabitation is growing more and more popular as an alternative to marriage. (From 1995-2005, the marriage rate in the U.S. declined nearly 20%.) Quoth one half of a cohabitating couple, “It’s what’s happening in the world of dating, and it’s not necessarily a path anywhere.”
For some couples, that works out just fine. They’re not interested in marriage, so the only path they need is the one toward their shared mailbox. But some experts — and, you know, people interested in a certain rose-strewn path toward a certain officiant — still wonder if living together is the most advisable next step. So, in certain cases, do certain superheroes.
What are your thoughts/experiences? Have you been shacked up — and back? Share!
May 15
I for one, believe that the human need for love and romance is indomitable, and two recent articles — one focusing on young women’s point of view, the other on that of young men — in the New York Times’s Generation Faithful series totally back me up.
In Saudi Arabia, as the articles describe, the opposite sexes live nearly entirely separate lives — the harsh and hardly women-friendly restrictions are a topic for another post — in a culture that values carefully arranged marriages in support of large familial groups. The details herein are fascinating, particularly for revealing the ways that young Saudis do yearn for romance, love, and intimacy even as they embrace traditional and religious restrictions against co-ed interaction before marriage. They also show the extent to which technology is aiding and abetting forbidden exchanges between young men and women with the same — or perhaps even more intense — excitement, hope, and fears shared by people everywhere. I mean: they’re prohibited from flirting, but their ring tones all play love songs.
One question I was left with: what happens to the romance of the anticipated and the forbidden once these young folks do get married? Conventional wisdom holds that arranged marriages often do form the basis for solid, lasting bonds. If so, can they offer some pointers? Or should we at least be more open-minded when our moms want to fix us up?
May 6
How many times have teachers heard their students ask, “When am I going to need to know this?” From trigonometry to the periodic table, there are many lessons we learn in school that don’t exactly pop up in real life. We spend hours, years, decades on homework for math and science class…but what about learning the simple equation of boy + girl? What about the finding the happy solution for love + family+ career?
A recent article in the New York Times revealed that Singapore — whose population is shrinking due to an alarmingly low birth rate — is now teaching just such a class. “Love Relations For Life: A Journey of Romance, Love and Sexuality” is a college course designed to teach students the art of finding and maintaining a romantic relationship. The goal is for Singapore’s “desirable” women to marry “desirable” men and populate the country with “desirable” children. It’s actually one of many programs designed by Singapore’s government to encourage educated young people to nurture relationships and have prosperous families as opposed to focusing only on career. From sponsored moonlight cruises to tea party dances, Singapore’s government has practically become a desperate mother, matching up her aging children and then constantly asking, “When will I have grandchildren?”
While the United States may not have a comparable population crisis, our high divorce rate doesn’t exactly suggest that we have it together in the relationship department. What kind of Love Ed, if any, should be offered in U.S. schools? Have you had any such class? What was it like? Did you at least do your homework?
May 5
Gal talking loudly on phone: “I’ve fallen in love so many times and they all have wives! It’s like, even if you can convince someone that you’re the one, they always have someone else. I wanna be like, ‘Why can’t you just annul your marriage so that you can sleep with me?’â€
April 24
Math moment, brought to you in easy-to-understand cartoon format: Don’t date anyone under (your age/2 + 7).
(Quoth our tipster: “Last night at the bar some friends and I tried to figure out the upper limit of that formula. We decided it was somewhere between 60-70. A 60-year-old dating a 37-year-old wasn’t too creepy…but maybe a 70-year-old dating a 42-year-old is. It is all arbitrary and relative, I suppose — exposing our own ‘ageist’ perceptions?”)
April 17
A quickie from January 9, 1998…
Dear Breakup Girl,
How do you ask someone out?
— Ms. Apodaca
Dear Ms. Apodaca,
The real question is, “What do you wear to ask someone out?” And the answer is: your ultra-protective Pride suit (think “Outbreak,” or the end of “E.T.”). Zip it up, and pop the question. If the answer’s yes, great. But if the answer’s no, you’re covered — your suit won’t let it get under your skin. Right?
Love,
Breakup Girl
April 16
Wanting it all on January 9, 1998 …
Dear Breakup Girl,
My “friend” lives in Seattle, I live in St. Louis. I was dating another fellow here, but he broke up with me when I went to visit the guy in Seattle. Problem is, I see the Seattle one only about every six months. I don’t have any commitment from him. So how can I start dating someone in St. Louis and not have them break up with me when I want to see my friend in Seattle? It’s very lonely waiting and not knowing when I will see my Seattle friend.
— Becca
Dear Becca,
Lose Seattle Boy, pronto. All he has to offer you is sleeplessness, heartache, and a great cup of coffee once every six months. Right now you are trying to have two cakes and eat them both — but you’re really getting crumbs of dry, day-old biscotti that aren’t worth it the first place. You will be much less lonely without Seattle, because you will be free — actually and emotionally — to meet St. Louis.
Love,
Breakup Girl
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