Regretting it on December 7, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Firstly… you rock.

Secondly, I’m kind of a wreck, so I seek your counsel, once again, for a little perspective on my breakup nine months ago. To recap: I’m 29. Me and “John” broke up four times during the four and a half years that we dated, first he with me, then me with him…etc. Every time we got back together it was always because we tried to be friends, and then one thing led to another–you get the idea. We would keep our reconciliations from our friends for as long as possible because we knew they wouldn’t understand. Well, actually, it was mostly my friends who wouldn’t understand because they always felt that John perhaps wasn’t the best man for me, even though they all really loved him a lot, and thought he was a great guy.

When we finally broke up for the last time, it was my decision. We were in the midst of a secret reconciliation, but this time I was really sure that it was not what I wanted at all, but I didn’t know how to stop the cycle. I went to a party, got together with a guy there (with John asleep in my bed at home), and that basically started the whole ball rolling…I told John a few days later that I was going to go on a date–we had decided that we could still date other people, a theory that had yet to be tested–and he obviously became very upset. OK, I told him on his birthday…but you really can’t plan the timing of events like this, right? I went on the date, the date spent the night, John “stopped by” my house the next morning at 6:00 a.m. and proceeded to scare the living daylights out of me/date by banging on the windows, calling incessantly, trying the door, and waiting for us as we came out the front door.

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Fudging the results on October 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Had a girlfriend of two years end it by saying she needed more of a “roller coaster” type of relationship. A woman dumped me for telling her she looked nice in blue. Another for bringing her bottled water while she worked outside on a hot day. Another woman who telephoned me all the time dumped me after I called her for the first time. Another gal looked me up after three years, flew 500 miles to visit me days later and told me I was the only man for her. After tearful kisses at the airport and a vow to return soon, she refused to talk to me ever again. Another lady constantly told me how much she disliked me and how unsuited we were as a couple, but resisted all my suggestions of ending the relationship. I finally had to insist. Tip of the iceberg stuff here.

For whatever reasons, many women are apparently self-hating nuts. If one man disrespects another man, animosity results. But if a man treats a woman poorly, she makes excuses for his behavior. Women seem to flee affection, honesty, stability and attempts at mutual respect.

No, I am not one of those too-nice guys, but neither am I willing to be a cold, selfish, drama-inducing jerk in order to have a relationship. Given my experiences over the past ten years and those of every man I know, I conclude this: Many women want to want someone, but they do not want (and will not tolerate) someone wanting them.

Please tell me I am wrong.

— Mike X.

Dear Mister X.,

Are you sure you want me to tell you you’re wrong?

Let me back up and explain what I mean.

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MyVeryWorstDate.com presents cringe-tastic stories of cookies tossed, drink minimums exceeded, and balloon bouquets burst, in a refreshingly mixed-gender (and occasionally mea culpa) format. It’s a nice reminder, too, that bad dates are better than bland dates. I mean, at least you get a story.

Computer dating? Breakup Girl finally gets with the program…

 

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