I’ve tried writing to advice columns before, but not once have I seen/heard a response. I’m trying again, though, in hopes that you can help me out.
First of all, I’ll start by saying I’m a fifteen year old girl. A SHY fifteen year old girl. Before this year, I’ve never been kissed. Sure, I’ve gone out with guys before, but that was “kid stuff” and nothing happened.
Anyway, this year I met this guy, Greg. He was a senior, I was a freshman, but we were really alike, and immediately became friends. After a month or so, a mutual friend set us up. We started seeing each other soon after that.
One day I was over at his house, and we were watching a movie. Halfway through the movie, he leaned in for the “big kiss.” He had kissed me before, but they were just pecks. This time it was more than that. When I realized what was happening, I got nervous, and I was afraid I would do the wrong thing. In result, I pretty much messed up the whole kiss, and ruined the moment. I guess what made me nervous was the fact that I knew he had much more experience than I, and I didn’t want him to think of me as inexperienced. But because of that, I probably looked more inexperienced than I could have.
Please help me. I haven’t ended a relationship, it’s just in suspended animation; which makes it harder because when you break up you move on and there’s some kind of closure. My boyfriend of three years is a military guy and just got transported to the other side of the earth for one year. Before he left he refused to make a commitment and told me it was “highly probable” he’d come back to me. (The issue of remaining monogamous prompted his response, said he didn’t know if he could). I made it clear that monogamy is what I expect even from 10,000 miles away. (Hey, if I can do it, so can he, right?) I was prepared to say goodbye when he left.
Anyway, now that he’s been gone for 8 weeks, he’s like a different person. He e-mails me the most sappy lovesick notes everyday, tells me how much he misses me and how lonely he is. He reassures me he’s not interested in being with anyone else because he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. Hey, he even wrote me a letter with tear marks on it because he got emotional writing the thing. What am I to do? Believe the nonchalant man than was noncommital before our separation? Or, believe the emotional wreck that seems to have realized what a good thing he has? I am so confused at this point I’m going crazy. Help!
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 7:28 am
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn†columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week Lynn gets drafted by “Should I Stay or Should I Go” Jo, who’s in a pitched battle with her future mother-in-law over her military fiance’s time — and now money.
She tried to get him to co-sign on a $400,000 loan to build on her property before our wedding could happen later this year. I convinced him not to, though he said I was being selfish. I found out later that she couldn’t build on her land because of permit issues and she knew about it. … Now she is getting divorced and trying to get him to loan her $60,000!
Can Jo win this war or should she surrender? Read the full scenario along with Lynn’s marching orders over at Happen, then comment below.
Via BoingBoing and Wired.com (click here for full backstory): a deeply creepy, Triplets-of-Belleville-in-hell 1970s U.S. Navy sex-educational video, slash, “great holiday gift for your sexually reckless and technologically backward friends.”
Cindy and I lived together, off and on (due to the Military) for two and a half years. About six months ago I told her that I wanted to move out and live on my own. It wasn’t because I didn’t love her; I just felt like I was losing my own self. Well I went away for a month in October, and when I got back we finally broke up. The problem is that I still love her. She says that she loves me, but doesn’t trust me. I understand this, and I also understand how much I hurt her. But I love her with all my heart and she’s the only one for me. I try to make some excuse for either seeing her, or talking to her, every day. That’s really not hard to do, since we have a dog together, and I guess we kind of share joint custody. She seems to get really annoyed with me some times, and when I ask her if she can see us having a future together again, she says she doesn’t know. This is from someone who wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, and someday have kids. I don’t want to be with anyone else, and I feel like I’m empty with out her. But am I fooling myself? Should I just give up and go on with my life? Or is there some hope for me? I know that I’m not perfect, and have some major flaws in my personality. But if you really love someone, shouldn’t you be able to over look those flaws?
I met a girl 10 years younger than me about three weeks before being sent to Bosnia with the military. She moved into my apartment and is taking care of all my affairs. I have found that she drives me up the wall and I know for a fact that she isn’t the one for me. However, she has our marriage and life all planned out. I have tried to get her to understand that she doesn’t even know who I am, but she says she will change her whole life just to please me. I hate this and I really would like to hear what you — as a super-female — would do?
— GI John
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Dear GI John,
Gals, just a tip: if your man would rather be in Bosnia than at home with you, you two need to talk.
If you were serving in Iraq, housed in a grimy outpost lacking electricity and running water, where soot, sewage, and boiling temperatures created miserable living conditions, what would you dream about? A nice long shower? Cherry Garcia? Dorothy’s ruby-red slippers? Maybe just your bed back home?
For military police sergeant Owen Powell, it was Natalie Portman. But not in that way. According to Powell’s haunting, piercing runner-up entry in the New York Times Modern Love college essay contest — Go read it! Run, don’t walk! — his take-me-away visions included the lovely Miss Portman glowing at him from across a romantic table, doing the lambada in his arms. Or, on a bad night, breaking up with him.
But either way, in a way, she saved him. “In the Humvee, I searched for that elusive image of Natalie from the night before; I hunted for her through the blood-warm passages of my mind, chased the feeling of her down tunnels collapsing with the weight of status reports and threat conditions. The thick brushstroke of a single arched eyebrow. A glance across that crowded dance floor, somehow simultaneously sharp and accusatory and mesmerizing. It was as if I had something secret and untouchable that was wholly mine, a delicate and perfect gift in a city that seemed to feast on hate.”
Powell is now back in New York City, both glad and sad to be home. The dreams are gone. But this is the reality: he could totally run into her on the street.
e-mail to a friend in need
Never been kissed before August 24, 1998…
