Awwwwww from January 19, 2008…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I’ve been friends with this guy at school for three years, and until now I’ve always thought of him as just a friend. He and I went to a formal dance, and even my mom thinks that we are dating. When I told him this, he said, “Maybe we should be.” That’s when I realized that I have a crush on him. Should I pursue this and try to start some kind of relationship that’s “more than friendly”?
— I Think I’m in Love

Dear I Think I’m in Love,
As far as “signs” go, that’s about as good as it gets. What are you waiting for?
Love,
Breakup Girl

Classic Breakup Girl essay from January 19, 1998!

Learning from our mistakes is an essential survival skill. Yet we are much better students in some situations (“Ow! Orange stove burner hot! … Do not touch again!”) than we are in others (“Ow! Man on motorcycle unreliable! … Date again!”). That said, the circumstances in the excerpts from the letters below –specifically, what Breakup Girl has put in blue should all be considered Bad Signs…

Christy: I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months now. Everything seemed to be really good between us…then he went away for a week to his hometown. He got back on Sunday and I still haven’t heard from him. I remember him telling me on the phone that he was bad at relationships, and when he starts going out with somebody he’ll avoid them and not call them, etc. Which is why we aren’t labeled as boyfriend/girlfriend…because all the label does is add pressure. I really want to be with him. Tell me what you think.

BG: Yo. When someone tells you they are “bad at relationships,” believe them. By saying so, they are writing themselves a permission slip to do exactly that. And yeah, the boyfriend/girlfriend label does add “pressure.” As well it should. As in “responsibility.” If two people willingly agree not to “label” their relationship, fine. But if you do want that label, then quit digging through the Irregular bin. Girlfriend’s gotta hold out for Armani.
(more…)

Looking for signs on January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I think my boyfriend’s going to dump me. Are there any signs that I can look for to be sure?
— Confused Betty

Dear Betty,
Is this a familiar feeling? Look back over the last couple of Baldwins in your life – did you think they were going to dump you too? (Whether they did or not is beside the point.) If so, the the only important “sign” here is the one in your head that reads, “INSECURITY ZONE! I’M NOT GOOD ENOUGH TO HAVE THIS BOYFRIEND.” And that’s one sign you should spray-paint over pretty fast.

But maybe you think he’s going to dump you because, oh, I don’t know, he doesn’t call, act happy to be with you, or treat you like the Princess Betty that you are. If so, then, with all due respect, what are you doing asking me for more signs? You’re the one who needs to put up that big billboard that says “Buh-bye.”
Love,
Breakup Girl