Finally! The second-scariest Twilight product.

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn embraces Mr. Hug, a guy who finds himself offering emotional support to unhappy women, but who wants so much more.

I recently crossed paths with a high-school crush (girl #2) who is hanging onto a particularly lousy ex. I tried to put aside my crush — which she’s aware of — and become the guy whose shoulder she cries on. … It’s hard, but I’ve adjusted to being lonely.

Can Lynn help this nice guy finish first? Read her tough love over at Happen, then come back here and offer your own advice in the comments.

You rated the haikus and determined our finalists …
Now, from your favorites, our fancy celebrity judge Joel Stein has anointed a winner:

I don’t think I’d need
Five hundred days to know that
Summer was a bitch.

— Ash

Ash is our 2010 Haiku Master! Ash is also our MVP, being the author of a majority of our highest rated haiku (though his syllable counting skills were not always perfect).

Here are our Honorable Mentions, the other highest-rated haiku that had the correct meter, showed no voting irregularities, and were not written by Lynn or Chris…

We’re so different.
For example, I’m a Mac.
And you’re an asshole.
— Ash

It will never work.
I like Radiohead and
you like Dave Matthews.
— Salmeen

young love grows old fast:
the puppy you wanted then
has gone to the dogs
— ed

These aren’t tears for you.
I’m just upset that Mom said,
“See. I told you so.”
— Ash

The signs were all there.
Like your YouTube “parody”
of Single Ladies.
— Ash

Check out all the entries in our 2010 Valentine’s Day Haiku Contest here. (Disagree with the results? Yes, you can still rate them!)

Way back in sheesh, 1999, long before we could embed video, we (specifically, Mikki Halpin) reviewed FOBG Sarah Jacobson’s Mary Jane’s Not A Virgin Any More, “an amazing coming-of-age story…about the slow, sputtering start of sexuality and self-awareness.” (More: “You thought the sex-in-a-car scene in Titanic was hot? Wait until you see this one! Not to mention the masturbation scenes, the sex-in-a-graveyard scene, the how-I-lost-my-virginity-scenes, the coming-out scene, and the “What is a clitoris?” speech. Plus comedic relief from Jello Biafra!”) Tragically, the brilliant Sarah died in 2004 at the age of 32.

Now — tomorrow, in fact — in Sarah’s much-celebrated memory, Mikki and friends present:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE FABULOUS SARAH JACOBSON
An evening to honor DIY filmmaker Sarah Jacobson
And a benefit for the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant
February 15, 2010
7 pm doors, 8 pm show
Glasslands Gallery, Brooklyn, NY

On Monday, February 15, 2010, filmmakers, punk rockers, feminists, and musicians will gather to remember filmmaker Sarah Jacobson (1970–2004). The evening will include an appearance from Sarah’s mother Ruth Jacobson, and her sister Lee Jacobson. There is a $5 suggested donation at the door, and all proceeds will go to the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant, which supports independent young women filmmakers.

Sarah Jacobson (1971–2004) was a a filmmaker who wrote, produced, and directed several movies in the 1990s, including “Mary Jane’s Not A Virgin Any More” and “I Was a Teenage Serial Killer.” Sarah’s films reflected her punk sensibilities, her feminist beliefs, and her dedication to DIY principles. She and her mother Ruth Jacbson brought “Mary Jane” to the 1997 Sundance festival, and it was named by Film Threat as one of the “25 Underground Films You Must See.” Sarah was active in the music scene and directed several music videos, including one for Man… or Astroman? She died in 2004 at the age of 32.

After her death, filmmaker Sam Green and Sarah’s mother established the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant for young women “whose work embodies some of the things that Sarah stood for: a fierce DIY approach to filmmaking, a radical social critique, and a thoroughly underground sensibility.” Since 2004, the grant has been awarded to eight filmmakers: Marie Losier, Natasha Mendonca, Kara Herold, Gretchen Hogue, Joanna Dery, Vanessa Renwick, Ellen Lake, and Veronica Majano.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the Fabulous Sarah Jacobson” will celebrate Sarah’s life and work. It also launches the grant cycle for 2010 and information about applying for the grant will be available at the event and on the Sarah Jacobson Film Grant website.

The evening will begin with a short screening of samples of previous grant winners and two of Sarah’s short films. Filmmaker Barbara Hammer and Sarah’s mother Ruth will then speak and introduce “Mary Jane’s Not a Virgin Any More.” The evening will also include video tributes from Sarah’s fans and friends including Kathleen Hanna, Allison Anders, Tamra Davis, Sam Green, George Kuchar, Michelle Handelman, and Craig Baldwin.

Glasslands is located at 289 Kent Avenue, Brooklyn, NY 11211
[L] to Bedford, [J] to Marcy

This recent study suggests that women looking for mates think altruism is…sexy.

No surprise here.  At BG HQ we like nice guys!  As this classic letter affirms, being a good person does not have to mean being the (sad trombone) Nice Guy who doesn’t get any play. (Pay close attention to the comments section there–good additional insights about confidence vs arrogance.)

This Valentine’s Day, TOMORROW, PEOPLE, February 14th, at 7:30pm, HBO 2 will premier Debra J. Solomon’s animated short film Getting Over Him in 8 Songs or Less. The film chronicles the period in Solomon’s life just after her husband of 17 years — 17 years! — leaves her. Nearly paralyzed with loss and loneliness, she found herself writing songs. That process became this film: directed, written, sung, narrated, and generally made wonderful by Debra J. Solomon, of whom I am now a huge fan.

While I’m not going currently going through a rough breakup, I’ve been through some so cataclysmic and life-altering I probably still need therapy, and that’s just what Debra’s film gave me. Her songs aren’t so much steps to recovery as earnest expressions of all the painful questions, doubts, and disappointments that one experiences when someone they’ve built their life around suddenly walks away. Solomon doesn’t dwell on her own details, but we certainly feel like we get to know her — and root for her. Her songs are personal and poignant, but their universal themes will speak to any aching heart.

Tough choices on February 8, 1999…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend and I were together for 8 1/2 months, quite a feat for two seniors in high school. We broke up not too long ago, but the relationship has really been over for longer than that. At the beginning, everything was wonderful. He was different from the typical guy that I was attracted to, but that was part of the attraction. Eventually, we decided to have sex– something that I had always wanted to wait until marriage for. But after many, many make out sessions and many, many conversations on how to protect ourselves, and many, many “I love you”s, I changed my mind. Sex wasn’t something that I actually enjoyed a whole lot, because basically, I just felt really mad at myself for giving into something when I had felt so strongly about remaining a virgin until marriage.

Anyway, after our decision to bring sex into the relationship, I became extremely emotional (my guess is that it was because of the strong attatchment to him combined with my troubled thoughts and possibly some side effects to the Pill). I didn’t want to be with him any longer because all it did was remind me of how I had let myself down.

So, after two months of “trying to make things work” and a lot of tears, we broke up. I thought that it would feel horrible and it did, but only for a few days. I realized that I was better off now (no more guilt) and that we would always stay friends… which basically is what we had become by the end of the relationship.

All right, oh wise Breakup Girl, here is my question. “Jeff” called me a few days ago and asked me if I wanted to spend Valentine’s Day with him. He says that V-Day is a day to spend time with someone special and that I am that someone–his best friend. So I am wrestling with my heart and mind, which are extremely conflicting at the moment. What do I do? I would love to spend the day with him (the plan would be to go out to lunch or dinner and maybe a movie), but I am afraid that we would do something stupid and get back together — something that I don’t want right now. He is my best friend, on the other hand, and it would be good to see him and just hang out. Breakup Girl, please help!

— Horribly Confused

(more…)

Thinking of getting married? Just a small City Hall ceremony with a justice of the peace — and a therapist? Today’s your day. See this goodie from BG’s PR wire:

MEDIA ALERT

RELATIONSHIP EXPERT TO COUNSEL JUST-WED COUPLES IN FRONT OF MANHATTAN MARRIAGE BUREAU

(New York, NY) “With the escalating divorce rate it is crucial to give just-wed couples something much more fortifying than a Victoria’s Secret leopard and lace teddy,” says relationship author Sherry Amatenstein, LMSW. To kick off her mission Amatenstein, author of the just-published THE COMPLETE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR: Relationship-Saving Advice from the Top 50 + Couples Therapists , will bring along a therapist couch from Washington Square Institute in the village where she is a staff therapist.

Says the expert, “Instead of throwing rice, I’ll hand couples a book and a sheet containing the collected wisdom of the top 67 marriage counselors in the country and in some instances offer an on the spot mini-session!” Amatenstein adds, “I’m open to being a witness if called upon.”

Says Helen Fisher, author of Why Him, Why Her: The Complete Marriage Counselor “is a wonderful book…full of ideas about how to make the partnership you really want.”

WHEN: February 12, 2010 – 10 AM to 1 PM

WHO: Sherry Amatenstein, LMSW, couples counselor at Washington Square Institute and author of THE COMPLETE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR

WHAT: Romantic triage for just-wed couples

WHERE: City Clerk’s Office, 141 Worth Street

New York, NY 10013

Often couples wait until things are very bad before communicating issues that are wrong. Probably the most important bit of advice imparted by the experts who include John Gray, Harville Hendrix and Judy Kuriansky, according to Amatenstein: “It’s never too early to get a head start on your marriage…Even if that marriage is of five minutes’ duration!”

Amatenstein plans an as-yet-unscheduled visit to Las Vegas chapels, home of the quickie wedding. A second phase of her marriage-saving tour will include stops at the two top honeymoon destinations Hawaii and the Bahamas.

##

As a giant sucker for teen flicks and coming-of-age stories, I was psyched when Breakup Girl was invited to a screening of the forthcoming film Toe to Toe — sort of Bring It On, with lacrosse — plus a panel discussion moderated by Melissa Silverstein (Women & Hollywood) featuring Courtney Martin (contributor to The Shriver Report and senior correspondent for The American Prospect), Rachel Simmons (NYT bestselling author of Curse of the Good Girl and Odd Girl Out) and Emily Abt, writer/director of Toe to Toe.

Drawing from the diverse, but racially and socio-economically divided landscape of Washington, D.C., Toe to Toe opens with a very powerful female voice. We hear Tosha chanting the mantra “Black Bitch” as she prepares to face her opponents for a lacrosse tryout. In that moment, we get a very raw glimpse of Tosha — warrior, high achiever, focused, dedicated and hard at work; for her, not a lot comes easy. Tosha tries to score a goal, only to come up short. As we see Tosha ‘s frustration, Jesse appears. Fun-loving, with a certain arrogance of grace and skill that, along with the comforts of privilege, come naturally, Jesse says: “Watch me!”– and  deftly winds her way to the goal and scores. On the exterior, their competitiveness on the lacrosse field, as well as the obvious markers of race and class, would seem to divide them, but something surprising happens as Tosha accepts Jesse’s help with her lacrosse game. Curiosity wins out as each girl sneaks a peek into the other’s world.

Obviously, their friendship is not uncomplicated. Preceded by their reputations, they take up different roles in the high school hierarchy. With their personal struggles, pressure from other students, and an interest in the same boy, the two find themselves “toe to toe” on more than just the lacrosse field. By the time Tosha’s locker is tagged with her mantra “Black Bitch,” their friendship has unraveled.  The school goes into an uproar; the administration takes action. I was struck by this moment because throughout the film, we see Jesse at her locker with the word “Slutster” written across it. While never acknowleged, the label is there. Somehow, in a school quick to take up arms over race, it is still acceptable by both male and female students to demean a young woman or girl by labeling her a slut.

While similar in theme to more comedic fare such as Mean Girls, Toe to Toe stands out because the struggle for Tosha and Jesse comes from working within, yet pushing the boundaries and limits of the roles they have been given. They are unapologetic about who they are and own their actions, both “good” and “bad.”

Additionally, Abt broaches very women-centric topics such as the “virgin/whore” dichotomy, the normality of sports in women’s lives, girls’ aggression, working mothers and absent fathers, displacement of care with mothers leaving their own children to care for children of more affluent households, negotiating multiple identities, lesbians, rainbow parties, cliques, appropriating language, issues of privacy and technology, the power of perception and — there’s more! — the power of female sexuality. The film as a whole is an unapologetic portrayal of girls on the verge of becoming women and the dynamics of their worlds.

The panel, likewise, spoke to these topics and asked some important questions. How do we get people, namely boys and men to watch films with complex female characters? Why is it important to have male viewers?

We already know women have some serious box office mojo. The second installation of Stephanie Meyers’ Twilight series broke into the number 3 spot for all time box office opening weekends. An Education and Precious are in contention for Best Picture. A year or two ago Juno walked away with an Oscar for Best Screenplay. Does anyone even need to mention the phenomenon of Sex and the City?

Women want images that represent their multiple identities. No, I’m not talking multiple identities in the crazy sense. Just like men, we aren ‘t all the same. Maybe we just want a little reciprocity. So, all you women AND men out there, support independent film-making. Support women. See Toe to Toe, even if you never quite saw the point of lacrosse. (You will now.) Then, come and tell us what you think.