Another quickie from December 16, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,
How do you get your boyfriend back after he dumped you because his friends don’t like you?
— Heather

Dear Heather,
You don’t. Any boy who would dump you just because his friends don’t like you is no friend of Breakup Girl’s.
Love,
Breakup Girl

Prolonged agony from December 16, 1997…
Dear Breakup Girl,
I was recently dumped by a guy that I went out with for quite some time. Even though I agreed with him that breaking up was the right thing to do (and I really thought I meant it!) I can’t get over him now. I still have to see him quite often since we have a lot of the same friends, and it kills me to see him with anyone else. My friends are also sick of hearing about everything. What should I do to get over him once and for all?
— Still Lusting

Dear Lusting,
Don’t second-guess yourself; I’m sure you did mean it when you agreed that breaking up was the right thing. But breakups are Mixed Feelings City (slogan: “I never want to see you again…unless you’re wearing those jeans”) — and right now, you’re the mayor.

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From the December 1, 1997 column…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I am currently in a relationship that I should not be in but the two of us just can not end it. I am starting to see someone else, but I feel really guilty doing so. I have told the old one kind of what is going on and the new one has no clue the other ever occurred. The old flame and I can never be together because of the age difference, but we love each other so much that we just can not end it. We have tried many times before and it seems like it only lasts a day or two before we are back together. What do I do?
— Suzanne

Dear Suzanne,
Yes, major age difference can be a problem; like if you remember where you were when they kicked Puck out of “Real World: San Francisco” and he doesn’t, you guys may not have a lot to talk about. But hey, my old high school chorus-mate Victoria Duffy married Dennis Hopper, 30 years her senior, and when I see her in Interview Magazine at all those benefit galas and awards dinners, she looks awfully happy.

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From the December 1, 1997 column…

Dear Breakup Girl,
Hey, I’m the guy that got the sledgehammer to the heart this time! What is it about them loving you, but not being in love with you and just wanting to be friends? I’m such a nice guy, you just don’t want to fall in love with me? What’s up with that?
— Jilted Guy

Dear Jilted Guy,
Ah, the Nice Guy thing. Definitely a fair question. There are two situations in which women employ the Nice Guy defense. One is used to explain why you don’t want to go out with someone in the first place. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you; on the contrary, it means she honestly likes you. But it does mean that for her, something about the two of you together fails to create that inexplicable combustion called chemistry. Women get the “nice” dis too, by the way. If you don’t believe me, just observe the Janeane Garofalo character in “The Truth About Cats and Dogs” (unless you’ve seen it already, which could explain why your ex called you “nice”).

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There she goes, on January 5, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

About eight months ago my girlfriend of three years and I decided that our relationship was on a one-way trip to nowheresville. She moved out and we decided that we could “just be friends.” Well, we couldn’t! Big surprise. So now we no longer talk.

About six months after the breakup I noticed this girl that I wanted to get to know. However, I did not want to start up a relationship until I had purged all my feelings for my ex-girlfriend and felt comfortable with myself again. Well, I finally felt ready to move on (which is not an easy thing to accomplish) and decided to talk to the new girl. I found out that she is really cool and that I wanted to pursue a relationship with her. I also sensed that she felt the same about me. Here is the big problem: she is moving to Florida for two years to finish school.

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