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February 20

Thrown off the roller coaster

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:42 am

The Predicament of the Week from December 7, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been consulting your Website for the past few weeks, and I have found it to be chock full of good humor and good advice, which is what us broken-hearted people need. I have found myself in one of those situations that requires consultation. Trouble is, everyone has given me conflicting feedback, so I was hoping to submit this to you, the grand pooh-bah of the broken up.

Here is my story: After a lengthy period of not having anyone special in my life, I met this fantastic woman. I live in a college town, so it’s kind of a major event when I find someone my own age. She’s thirty, single, the mother of two children, appreciates the nuances of the “The Dukes of Hazzard” and likes to act out scenes from Shakespeare plays as foreplay. All in all, a great match for me.

Over the course of a few months, Mr. Love pays us a visit, and we start talking about “the Big Picture,” which includes us moving in together and living happily ever after, etc. But I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at her occassional freakouts. Over time, I find out that her last boyfriend and the father of her second child turned out to be a full-blown psycho. So there was physical and mental abuse in her past, and probably some pretty unspeakable things.

I take this all in, and our relationship quickly keeps going up and up. I plan this big, romantic dinner, and she is all giddy with anticipation. I had tried to tell her that I loved her before, but she had put her hand over my mouth to stop me. She had melted then, but she wouldn’t let me say it. So I am thinking that its time to try again. The big day comes, plans have been made, and I get this feeling that tonight is the right time. But earlier that day, my best friend from college, a women who I have known for ten years, e-mails me to tell me that she is coming to town to attend a wedding, and wants a place to crash. So, me being Mr. Sensitive and all, I figure I should ask my girlfriend how she feels about this before I give the OK.



October 24

True Confessions: Can I trust my man with a Party Girl?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:13 am

Dear Breakup Girl,

I know you’re going to think this is totally crazy. But it’s true! I live in Chicago with my boyfriend. He is a filmmaker and I am a waitress. I’ve been in school for a few years, but I’m not sure what I want to do. He, on the other hand is quite confident and recently had an opportunity to go to Austin, TX and work on an independent film. He was to be gone for six weeks. I thought that was ok and that our relationship could handle it. Anyway, here’s where it gets crazy. The star of the movie was Parker Posey. We both really admire her work, although now, he admires it much more…if you get my drift. Anyway, he justified it as she is someone we both admire and if I had the day to hang out and do “girl stuff” with her I would (which is true). So he just hung out and did “guy stuff.” I really don’t feel like it’s an equal comparison, but he’s so persuasive. He said it doesn’t mean anything, but if I look at it his way, if I went shopping with her all afternoon, even that would mean something to me. Should I break up with him?

— Dina

Dear Dina,

Finally, a celebrity romance story that is my business!

But you know what, I actually don’t get your drift. What do you mean, “guy stuff?” What actually happened? Did they bond over WD-40 and play rotisserie baseball, or did they … hook up? Either way, I hesitate to say this, but I think you need to take your concern down a notch.



September 6

She’s invading our turf — online

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 10:21 am

Totally territorial on November 2, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Recently I got to know a wonderful American guy over the Internet. We spent a while exchanging erotic e-mails while his then new girlfriend was out of the country. (In our defence, he was very unsure about the relationship with his girlfriend at the time, and I was foolishly convinced he was falling as deeply in love with me as I was with him).

His girlfriend came back to the US and they began to get closer. Then, he came over to Ireland on a sales conference and he and I actually met. We got on wonderfully and I really thought this was “it.” Notwithstanding the immense sexual tension between us, we didn’t do anything. I was glad of this, because he would have been a lesser guy than I thought he was if he had cheated on his girlfriend.

We discussed how inappropriate the erotic e-mails had been, and decided to go back to being just friends.

Here’s my quibble: we met on a Website bulletin board, which his girfriend has recently taken to frequenting. Now, she can read whatever she wants on this site, but I hate seeing her write in. I can cope with her in the realm of the theoretical, but really don’t want to read all about how she and he met and fell in love. I feel that she is straying into my turf, and am becoming increasingly territorial about it. (I should, of course, just not read the posts, but the masochist in me finds it hard to do).

Am I crazy, or is it understandable to have”our” Website, the way others have “our” tune?

And more to the point, can I/should I do anything about it?

Jealous in Ireland

BG’s response after the jump!


July 16

Haunted by his First

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:08 am

It Came From The PastFeeling second rate on October 26, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have this wonderful, wonderful boyfriend. We’ve been living together for over a year now, and I couldn’t be happier. We are best friends, and I genuinely enjoy spending time with him. The problem is, he had a girlfriend before me. Now, keep in mind that he no longer speaks to this girl (not to mention the fact that this girl is supposedly getting married, or maybe already got married) and says he doesn’t like her at all, and didn’t like who he was when he was with her. However, despite all the logical attempts I have made to overcome this, I have a raging jealousy of her. She was his first everything — girlfriend, kiss, sexual partner. They only dated for a month. Now, I realize that:

1. I am the one he comes home to now, the one that he shares things with and chooses to be with.

2. I am being incredibly petty about this.

But, this continues to bother me. Why? He doesn’t even talk to her! (How do people whose SO’s are friends with their exes ever deal…?) What can I do, BG? I’m going nuts here! I wish I didn’t know anything about her, but silly me, I insisted that he tell me stuff. (Warning to readers if you print this: DON’T ASK, you don’t want to know!)

I’ve talked to him about this, and not surprisingly, he doesn’t have many suggestions for me other than to just forget about it. That’s what my friends all tell me, too: that it’s kinda silly and I’ll get over it, don’t worry. But it’s been a long time, and I haven’t gotten over it. What can I do? PLEASE help!

Thanks ever so much. I’m a huge fan of the page… read it every Monday. :)

— Petty

Dear Petty,

Second hand, second-rate, second class, second fiddle. “Second” does get a bad rap, doesn’t it? And when it comes to love, our firsts are in a magical mystery class by themselves. So it’s totally normal to get a little pouty about the one who went before – especially when she’s the First Lady.



July 10

Haunted by his exes!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:46 am

It Came From The PastGreen with ectoplasm on October 26, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend has a lot of female “just friends.” One is his old girlfriend who is a basket case and seems to always need rescuing. I know it’s her way of “keeping him.” I do trust that he doesn’t want to be with her romantically but he’s never introduced us and I totally resent that they are perpetuating this relationship. I think she calls him about three times a week and he only admits to speaking with her “once in a while.” He didn’t want to upset me since he knows I sometimes show jealousy (mild) about his female friends. He claims he’s never been as close to anyone as he is me. And that he loves me and respects me deeply. Am I being stupid for not putting my foot down about his ex?

How should I handle the fact that he has so many “just friends?” I’m currently taking some time away from him so he is ready to do some degree of listening to get me back. Though he hates to feel cornered. Help.

— Jealous

Dear Jealous,

First of all, I have to say that it’s not a bad idea on your boyfriend’s part not to introduce you to his ex. It may in fact be quite politic. New girlfriends and old girlfriends, especially when each has a case of “jealousy (mild),” and “basket,” respectively, go together like oil and water (hot). You actually want to meet her? To what end? So you can see “Practical Magic” and go out for pink drinks and bond? So you can smile nicely and be the stable, non-single one? I can think of way more productive things to do with your life, such as learning how to make the perfect vinaigrette.



March 19

This week at Happen: I’m getting mixed messages

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:53 am

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn advises a guy who’s Confused about a girl. And who wouldn’t be, with these kinds of mixed messages:

I work with a woman that I’m very attracted to. We’ve been out with each other numerous times and intimate a couple of times. … She says she isn’t looking for anything serious right now because her ex-boyfriend is still in the picture and she just doesn’t know what she wants right now, which is fine by me. … However, anytime she knows I’m talking to another woman, she gets jealous.

What’s going on? Should he say something? Check out the full letter along with Lynn’s take, then come back here and comment below!


October 24

My ex is acting like a jealous boyfriend!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:25 am

Asked and answered on August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I dated a guy for five months and spent basically 24/7 with him. We had a great relationship — in all ways that he even discussed me moving 300 miles away with him.

One day he says to me that he thinks that I want more out of this relationship (ie: marriage) and that it was over. Of course I was shocked and hurt and devestated, but I understood where he was coming from. He never got love and attention at home and wasn’t sure he could give it or even understand it. He says he would like to remain friends and could he call me. I agreed.

Now the problem. Every time we talk, the discussion seems to end up on sex. We did have a great sex life, but we haven’t been together that way in 5 months. I don’t know what he’s thinking. He talks to my friends about me and is constantly asking me if I’m dating.

I’ve told him that all of the above is none of his business but it continues. Should I just say “This is too much. You’re not acting like a friend — more like a jealous boyfriend! Which you’re not, and I can’t do this anymore!” or what? Help!!!

— Shannon

Dear Shannon,

That is exactly what you should say.

Breakup Girl


October 19

Two or more playahs

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 7:32 am

A twofer from August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Okay, two questions.

1) Say you were hooking up with (OK, sleeping with) a guy for a month. Literally every night. Also you’ve known the guy for a year, pretty well, and been friends. He gets out of your bed one Saturday morning and asks you what you’re doing later that day. You then don’t hear from him for oh maybe three weeks. Then you call his machine to point out you have a bunch of his clothes at your apartment. Then you find out he’s been going out with his ex girlfriend and a lot of your “friends” know about it and have not told you. Then say you feel really depressed not to mention you feel like a really really big tool. Say you are normally a cool person. What do you do? Thanks, please help, I need it.

Now my roommate:



October 12

Worried about my dateless friend

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:22 am

Thinking of others on August 24, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a very interesting situation. My best friend and I are the same age (29). We even went to the same high school and lived in the same neighbourhood. We have been friends for almost ten years.

So here is the situation. I have dated several guys/men and even had some serious relationships. Two I actually lived with. Meanwhile there is my best friend going along with all these experiences that I have had in life. She has never had a boyfriend, she has never been kissed.

I always feel bad when I have met someone new and I want to share it with her. I always wonder if she is beating herself up because I can find someone and she can’t. I hurt her quite badly this spring. I met someone and I didn’t want to tell her because I thought it would hurt her feelings that I met someone again and she is still single.

Now I don’t want you to think that I am berating myself but neither one of us are raving beauties but we are very attractive in our own ways and I think my best friend is very attractive. She has a stunning smile and she is so funny and smart, God is she is smart!

I just don’t know what to say anymore. I go through heartbreak after heartbreak and she is always there for me and still she has not found someone.

What do you think of this?

— Pat

BG’s friendly advice after the jump!


October 3

This week at Happen: I’m insecure about my body

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:17 am

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn responds to a Jealous Girl whose boyfriend recently commented on the attractiveness of a friend of hers at a party before they started dating.

Over the three years that my boyfriend and I have been together, I’ve managed to put [30 pounds] on. I am feeling insecure about myself right now, and when he told me about his initial attraction to my friend before we met, it made me feel jealous and hurt my feelings.

Should boyfriends be finding other women attractive? How should Jealous Girl deal with her insecurity? Read the full letter at Happen Magazine, then post your own thoughts below!

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