Double trouble on December 14, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boss and I have this incredible chemistry between us. We get along so well, and he has many of the qualities I would look for in a man. However he is married (and my boss!). Lately, he makes a lot of comments about me, like jokingly, but like he is trying to see how I feel about him. Recently, he invited me out for Happy Hour Friday after work and told me that he’d like to spend more time with me, but can’t ask me to do things because his wife is jealous of me. (And I met his wife only once!) We haven’t spoken of any related issues since that night. He also said that night at the bar, that if he weren’t my boss and weren’t married he would like to get involved with me. But it’s almost as if he said that to see if I would accept those conditions, almost proposing an affair to me (my gut level feeling). I told him, “in some other dimension” we could get involved but not like this. We haven’t spoken about that night/conversation since then, but he constantly talks to me at work and I catch him looking at me often. I know the right thing to do is to NOT get involved, yet we are so attracted to one another. HELP!

— Meg

Dear Meg,

Three words: DON’T GO THERE. Fourth dimension? Not even there.

Attraction? Fine. Doesn’t mean you need to act on it. Two words: window shopping.

Incredible chemistry with your boss? Great. Then you’ll be an excellent employee. Right?

But if the chem has crossed the line from inspiration to distraction, then one word: transfer.

For a situation this complicated, it really is that simple.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Not working on November 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

You’ve got the best site on the ‘net and I’ve been sending your address to all my friends. You’re now a “must read” for me and the gang!

Anyway, I’m in my late thirties and have a serious case of the hots for my single, late forties boss. In today’s politically correct world, how can I let him know I’m interested without getting fired for sexual harassment?

I’d appreciate any advice you can give.

— Sassy F&S

Dear Sassy,

Who-hoo! About the “must-read” thing — thanks! — not about the boss.

Listen, Sassy, which is the key word here, “serious,” or “hots?” As far as I’m concerned, it’s not “case,” as in, “of harassment.” Why are people having such a difficult time with this?

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MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn tries to help a Girl in one crazy situation. You see, there’s this co-worker she’s been flirting with, but now …

Complication #1: he just got promoted… to being my supervisor.

Ooof! But, wait, there’s another complication and it involves hacked email! Read all the juicy details — along with Lynn’s advice — at Happen, then comment below!

Going to work on November 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

As a long-time reader (and definitely big fan!) I know you’ve addressed the issue I’m writing about many times, but this time it’s ME so of course this is different (ha-ha). I’m referring to the mega-crush-on-the-guy-at-work saga.

This is the weirdest thing. I’ve worked with this man almost 3 yrs., the last 2 yrs. directly on my team. Our team has 8 people, I’m the only female, and we’re all really close. This already sounds like it could be trouble, huh? Four weeks ago I realized — after all this time — that I absolutely adore him. And yes, he’s definitely worthy of potloads of admiration.

Ok, so I’m thinking, “this is a crush, you can live with it ’til it goes away.” But I actually know it isn’t a crush, and it isn’t going to go away. The harder I try to put this away, the harder it keeps bouncing back up. Best analogy: it’s like trying to hold an air-filled ball underwater. If you hold it down, you can’t see it, but you expend a lot of energy keeping it there, and it bounces up really hard now and then anyway. If you don’t push it under, it just keeps floating around on the top where you have to deal with it all the time. This situation is obnoxious and annoying.

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MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn advises a guy who’s Confused about a girl. And who wouldn’t be, with these kinds of mixed messages:

I work with a woman that I’m very attracted to. We’ve been out with each other numerous times and intimate a couple of times. … She says she isn’t looking for anything serious right now because her ex-boyfriend is still in the picture and she just doesn’t know what she wants right now, which is fine by me. … However, anytime she knows I’m talking to another woman, she gets jealous.

What’s going on? Should he say something? Check out the full letter along with Lynn’s take, then come back here and comment below!

A twofer from August 24, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Okay, two questions.

1) Say you were hooking up with (OK, sleeping with) a guy for a month. Literally every night. Also you’ve known the guy for a year, pretty well, and been friends. He gets out of your bed one Saturday morning and asks you what you’re doing later that day. You then don’t hear from him for oh maybe three weeks. Then you call his machine to point out you have a bunch of his clothes at your apartment. Then you find out he’s been going out with his ex girlfriend and a lot of your “friends” know about it and have not told you. Then say you feel really depressed not to mention you feel like a really really big tool. Say you are normally a cool person. What do you do? Thanks, please help, I need it.

Now my roommate:

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Working it out on June 15, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I was reading the Predicament of the Week and I just have to say, “Wow!” I was wondering if guys like him exist. Maybe Brad is looking for love in all the wrong places…

Anyhoo…I am totally attracted to this guy. He is funny, smart, and attractive. So what’s the problem, right??? Well, I WORK with him. Been there, done that… don’t want to go back. While we’re dating, we can’t focus on work. When we break up, we still can’t focus on work. So, how do I deal with this attraction? I certainly don’t want to make any mistakes. I think that it would be different if I thought things would work out great. I am a Christian, he is not. His ten year reunion is this year, I graduated [three years ago]. He is loud and obnoxious, I am calm and cool. It is driving me insane every time I work with him. We already spend way too much time talking. What is a girl to do??? Help me out here, would ya? Thanks.

— Jenn

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MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn aides a gal who might Need Closure. You see, she was interested in her younger boss but he always resisted any office romance — or was that just an excuse? Anyway, now she’s quit and …

Since I left his office, I have dropped 20 pounds (more to go) and had what my friends call a “makeover.” Should I give it one last face-to-face shot—or just walk away for good?

Do you think this is the right strategy? Read the full letter at Happen Magazine plus Lynn’s response, then add your own thoughts here in the comments below!

Mixing work and play on April 6, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m a single guy in my mid-twenties. I’ve been seeing this girl for several months, and everything’s been fine until lately. See, she’s my boss — mid-thirties, recently divorced (about a year ago).

I know she’s probably just using me, but that’s okay by me when we’re not at the office. But lately she’s been wanting to get, er, frisky…at the office, during work hours. That’s where I draw the line. We’ve always been good about keeping business and pleasure separate up until now, but I’m afraid of getting busted in the act and ruining my reputation at work. But I’m afraid if I break it off with her, she’ll trash my career. What should I do?

— Jake in Jacksonville

Dear Jake,

You’re right; getting “frisky” at the office will not put you on the short list for Employee of the Month. Then again, neither will dumping your boss.

Oh, Jake, what were you thinking?! See, you guys, that’s why I’m telling you that whatever you pursue at the office has to hold promise of an Actual Relationship, not just Adult Xeroxing.

Bail, bail, bail. And pray that she doesn’t retaliate. If you do wind up having to leave, well, let’s just say that BG is not convinced that you had wholesome, promising growith opportunities at Disclosure, Inc. in the first place. Also, remember that if you interview elsewhere, you’re going to have to tell them why you left your previous job. I’d fib.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Getting nothing Donne on April 6, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

This isn’t a breakup question. It’s a get together question, but you handle tough relationship questions so well that I know you’ll do me right. I am in a sensitive situation (at least it seems that way to me), and I am so busy thinking about the right thing to do that I can’t seem to do anything.

I am slowly going crazy for a younger woman who I supervise at work. She is beautiful, sweet, interesting, motivated, and very captivating to me. I think that the energy is there working both ways, but how do you know for sure without testing it? She meets my gaze so direct with quivering eyes, she does nice little things for me she doesn’t have to do, and she even gave me a little hand-written, contemplative poem recently. The thing is that she is very nice with everyone, and in my position, the last thing I want is a harassment situation at work. Even more, I don’t want to come on to her and end up making work a difficult place for her to be.

My friends give me different advice. Two think that this could be a real good thing if it would work out the way it feels for me, so I should do whatever is necessary to find out. Another thinks that I have a responsibility in my position to keep “hands off” regardless.

Am I roping myself up too tightly? Where is the right place for a guy to draw a line for himself?

— Jeremy

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