Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:12 am
MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you’ll find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn†columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.
This week Lynn answers a letter from a gal who is dating a guy with an ex and child attached. He seems to be saying and doing all the right things, yet she is Afraid of baby mama drama. Is she being overly cautious or playing it just cool enough? Sound off here!
I have a friend who wants to break up with her boyfriend. Unfortunately, he got laid off the day she wanted to “do the deed.” She (politely) opted not to tell him and has continued to go on with the relationship until she can find a more “suitable” time to let him go. My question is, what’s the holdover time on breaking up after a lay-off?
— Shady
Dear Shady,
When Breakup Girl was 13, Breakup Mom had a routine checkup with a doctor who, it turned out, wasn’t quite convinced that she was getting enough rest or taking kind enough care of Numero Uno. Mom dismissed the concern, saying, “Well, I’m sure it’s just because my daughter’s bat mitzvah is coming up.” The doctor raised an eybrow. “Mrs. Breakup,” he said wisely, “there’s always a bat mitzvah.”
Meaning what? That there’s always some intervening concern, some source of angst that can conveniently explain away why we haven’t quite joined the gym or spent more quality time with our families or … gone through with a breakup. So. Your friend (“friend?”) was right to spare him the brush-off the very day of the lay-off, but really only a few days after that would be sufficient. Don’t let her let the lay-off become an excuse, a stalling chip.
Web superhero seeks part-time sidekicks to fight crimes of the heart for fun and clips!
Us: Venerable, award-winning website about love, and/or lack thereof, geared for both men and women and combining witty advice with sophisticated superhero comic-strip adventures. Our likes include: snappy dialogue, Rachel Maddow, Evil Willow (as played by Good Willow), hairpin turns of phrase, detectives, print, lime green, Rosalind Russell, X-ray insight, Wonderfalls, clean copy, the heart of the matter, matters of the heart. We’re continuing to build out our relatively new blog component, and we are seeking a few new sidekicks to join our existing super-bloggers for help with additional content: posts, Tweets, maybe more.
You: Ace reporter, crackerjack writer. Able to spot relationship-related news stories and the clever or insightful angle therein. You should have your own distinct voice and take, but should also be willing to roll with us in terms of style and philosophy. We may also want you to help track and moderate blog comments when necessary, and possibly, if you’re up for it, to curate new editorial features. Swinging geeky is good; affinity for superheroes a plus.
Pay: Alas, none. This is a very part-time (part-part-time?) pursuit in which you may engage from the privacy of your own home/cafe/McJob. While we are exacting in terms of quality, we flexible and understanding in terms of time commitment.
Payoff: Honing of your voice and your nose for news. Tons of [short] clips. Some cachet / street cred. The opportunity to become part of a tight, fun team who will give you impressive references. And, possibly, your very own cartoon alter ego.
If you are interested, please e-mail bg@breakupgirl.net with a cover letter, resume, and writing sample(s). Hot tip: Make sure your cover letter shows that you’ve spent time familiarizing yourself with the website. If you don’t happen to have writing samples about BG-related topics, that’s fine; we just need to see good writing and that virtual sparkle in your eye.
For his next trick, self-described “professional dumpee” Franz Wisner, author of the above, is releasing his followup work, How the World Makes Love: . . . And What It Taught a Jilted Groom.
This time, the brothers Wisner trekked to seven different countries — Brazil, New Zealand, Egypt, India, the Czech Republic, Nicaragua and Botswana; not a mix that’ll help you win Risk — to see what love looks like ’round the world. We welcome Wisner back from his second honeymoon!
Tim Gunn is taking his fight against fashion crimes from the workrooms of “Project Runway” to the pages of a comic book. And, wow, does he get to wear a power suit.
The “Loaded Gunn” story line — to save an exhibit of extraordinary superhero clothes from a cadre of villains — is part of a book that reintroduces a group of Marvel’s high-fashion “Models Inc.” comic characters from the 1960s.
“It’s a little `America’s Next Top Model’ — without Tyra (Banks) — and a little `Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,'” says Marvel editor Charlie Beckerman.
The Gunn project evolved on a whim, but it turned out Gunn was a childhood comic fan and a good sport, Beckerman says.
Gunn says the experience has been “the most bizarre thing.”
“It’s exciting and exhilarating, but bizarre. When they came to me, I said, `I’m about to turn 56 years old. Are they crazy?’ But it kept revealing itself in layers and next thing, I’m wearing the `Iron Man’ suit. I was dumbstruck.”
Personally, Gunn says he always fancied himself more of a Batman type, but he’s pleased with the result.
“Most superheroes are fighting the same thing — good vs. evil — but who’s taking on crimes against fashion? Me!”
The biggest offense, hands down: clothes that don’t fit properly, Gunn says. And, if he had the truly incredible power to remove one item from closets all around the world, no question it would be Crocs.
“It’s the No. 1 fashion crime item — and I see it a lot,” Gunn says.
My girlfriend of three years recently broke up with me. I don’t know what went wrong. She didn’t even tell me in person, but e-mailed me the breakup letter. I tried calling and telling her that we should talk about whatever it is that’s causing her to want to break up, but she avoids my phone calls. I e-mailed her asking her why and her reply was that her feelings for me were fading. But my question is: how can her feelings for me change so quickly? We always had fun together and I know she likes me and I like her. I’m just confused. And she also wants me to find someone else!?!?!? Why would I do that when I love her? Oh yes, her letters to me were … hmmm, how should I say this? — cold and without feeling. It was like another person was writing the letter and not her. What should I do now?
God! Would you just let me have a LIFE?! According to CNN — dateline: Opposite World — this is what some parents are, or need to be, saying to their kids. Specifically, parents (in the story, mothers) who are looking online for a new partner, and kids (mainly adults themselves) who are, true story, hacking into their mothers’ email and sending rejections to potential suitors. (Another reportedly drove back and forth yelling at her mom while on an outdoor date with an online beau. Check, please!)
Who knew that the “younger generation” — those perhaps most likely to be Tweeting/Facebooking/LiveJournaling about how gross it is that mom’s on eHarmony– would (along with CNN, just a bit) be the ones perpetuating the ancient-in-Internet-years canard that online dating is WhereYouMeetLyingWeirdos.com? Why is online so different from real life? Who says that guy/gal in a bar is telling the truth? How often does the person you meet in person come right out and say, “I enjoy snowboarding and film noir, and in about three months I’m going to start to pull away”? (or “Please enjoy my backyard compound?”) True, some parents, unseasoned daters and e-flirters, might be a tad fuzzy regarding red flags; fair enough. But at the same time, depending on the circumstances — and speaking of bars — their brick-and-mortar options for meeting people might be limited. Online seems ideal for second-timers (if not, like, everyone).
Of course, it’s pretty obvious that what’s really going on here is not “Yikes, mom’s dating online!” but rather, simply, “Yikes, mom’s dating!” — circa 2009. There’s no doubt that seeing a marriage end and a parent move on can be challenging, even devastating. But sometimes, I guess, we just have to let them grow up.
Breakup Girl
is the superhero whose domain is LOVE or the lack thereof!
Her blog combines new comics, observations and dating news with
classic advice letters--now blogified for reader feedback!
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