Sure vampires are big now, but once New Moon comes out, Breakup Girl is going to be flooded with questions about dating WEREWOLVES. As a public service, we thought we’d head off some of these inquiries by asking the REAL professors of lycanthropy, Ritch Duncan and Bob Powers, authors of The Werewolf’s Guide to Life: A Manual for the Newly Bitten.

1. What’s the best way to tell your boy/girlfriend you’re a werewolf?

Short answer?
Don’t.
At least not right away. The newly bitten werewolf already has “a significant other” to deal with, and it’s the savage killing machine they are going to be turning into every month. You know how when people break up with you they say “I need some space?” Well, if you’re a werewolf, the “space” you’re going to need is inside a cage made of re-enforced steel, which isn’t going to build itself. You’re gonna be pretty busy, and the month leading up to your first transformation simply isn’t the time for casual dating.

This isn’t to say that you can’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend, it’s just that right now, time is of the essence, and you should take a break from any relationship you aren’t positive will last to come to grips with your condition in as much secrecy as possible. You are going through some serious changes, and like any relationship, it’s not a good idea to stay involved in it unless you are confident about who YOU are. Figure that out first, and keep your secret well. Marriage, of course- is a different story.

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Many of those rules are broken here. (Why are so many people upside-down?)

(Bonus MUST-CLICK video, created pre-embed-code:

This, people, is how it’s done.)

Perhaps you recall this no-longer-lovelorn letter from Cheryl, who’d been head over hizzeells with her boss, though he “never gave [her] any reason to think he was the least bit interested.” Well! After moving to a better job, she told us, she — per BG’s advice, ahem — gave it one shot with him, and…cue wedding chapel bells! Here is the happy couple, Cheryl just wrote to tell us, on their happy day, lucky 9-09-09. Congratulations!

Disclaimer: Remember, the goal of life/love/this website is not GET MARRIEDMARRIEDMARRIEDMARRIED. (Or even DON’TBESINGLESINGLESINGLE.) You’ve got enough people telling you that. We just want you to be happy — whatever that looks like for you. Cheers!

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you’ll find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week they highlight the letter from a gal who is Sick of Seeing Both Sides in her struggle for attention from her beau. He can be sweet and attentive when they’re alone, but he ignores her when he’s with his guy friends and frequently leaves her at home so he can hang out with them. Read the letter at Happen — or check out our previous posting of the advice — then come back here to comment!

It’s a stretch on March 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have a crush on my yoga teacher — how can I get his attention? I don’t ask guys out as a rule, so that’s out. I’ve been smiling at him and saying hello. Oddly, this technique has always worked. He has given me a funny face twice. What could that possibly mean? Thanks Breakup Girl, you give me strength!

— Jeni

Dear Jeni,

Is it Breakup Girl that gives you strength, or the fact that you’ve been going to Yoga nine times a week? Anyway, as weird as this is going to sound, the way to get his attention just might be to start taking someone else’s class that meets at the same time. I am not recommending that you play some sort of hard-to-get game. It’s just that your teacher’s “funny” expression is probably an ancient Sanskrit facial posture meaning “I’d love to take you out for some soy milk, but I don’t date my students.”

Love,
Breakup Girl

Trying to deal on March 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I can’t get away from the feeling that all men are scum after a recent experience, and yet I find myself still thinking about the man concerned. What will snap me out of it other than another man? Should I start Yoga or something?

— D.P.O.W.

Dear D.P.O.W.,

The popularity of Yoga has indeed been blamed for the niceification of New York City. So yeah, it might take the edge off. And if you’re anything like Jeni (above), you might meet someone there.

But let me caution you about something else: no one gets away with the “men are scum” thing here at breakupgirl.net. If you can’t live with ’em, then live without ’em. Everyone get this straight: BREAKUPS ARE PIGS.

Love,
Breakup Girl

And I was worried about getting my books back from my ex when we broke up!

A man in China was so upset when his girlfriend broke up with him (via text message) that he threatened to post their sex videos online if she didn’t get back together with him. He also stole her wallet.

This display of chivalry did not make her change her mind. Instead, it made her call the cops. The gent was placed on probation and sentenced to 100 hours of community service. The judge told Chris Brown him he was lucky he got off with a light sentence.

The whole story — bad English translation included — is here.

Not very long ago I sent out a request to my friends for breakup songs. While mine was for a relationship breakup, Aunt Becky over at Mommy Wants Vodka (one of my favorite names for a blog, EVER! mostly because I feel that!) has put together her list of Songs To Break Up To for her breakup with Diet Coke. (I feel you there too, sista!)

Her songs include: “Always On My Mind” by Elvis Presley; “Good Year For The Roses” by Elvis Costello; “Pictures of You” by The Cure (of course); “November Rain” by Guns ‘n’ Roses and “Delicate” by Damien Rice.

None of these songs was on the lists my friends suggested. Over in my world (my roughly post-1990 world) we had: “How to fight Loneliness” by Wilco; “Harder Now that It’s Over” by Ryan Adams; “February” by Dar Williams; “Done Wrong” by Ani DiFranco — actually, there was a lot of Ryan Adams and Ani DiFranco, now that I think about it. And the Magnetic Fields — though a few of my friends thought that might drive me to suicide at the time and prudently left them off their lists.

I’m not in a breakup right stage right now — though I am seriously considering breaking up with network TV this season. But I’d still like your suggestions. What are your favorite breakup songs?

It only took two silver Olympic metals and becoming the reigning table tennis world champion for China to allow Wang Hao to date.

The country exerts rigorous controls over its athletes’ lives, often banning them from dating or marrying until a certain age. But this month, China allowed the 25-year-old to date his former national teammate, 23-year-old Peng Luyang.

“Both of them are old enough and it’s normal,” the government-owned China Daily quoted Peng’s coach Qiao Yunping as saying.

Yikes! What would happen if the U.S. government controlled the dating lives of our athletes?! What would the tabloids have to write about? Half our celebrity gossip would be gone! Luckily, we’d still have reality TV and the Gosselins to keep us fascinated. New hairstyle, you say? I’m riveted!

“Honey, there’s something I need to tell you. I’m a lycanthrope.”
“Wait. A what? Is that that word that means you’re stingy? Or no, isn’t that something you do in Cirque de Soleil?”
“Not exactly … ”

How to break the news to your partner that you’re a werewolf? Consult The Werewolf’s Guide to Life: A Manual for the Newly Bitten
by FOBGs Ritch Duncan and Bob Powers, out today!

Watch this space for a forthcoming Q&A with the authors — but meanwhile, some tips for The Talk: