Classic advice from April 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been in a relationship for seven years. And we’ve been through a lot — his stint in the army and subsequent time in rehab (drugs and alcohol and the army, don’t get me started), his messed-up family, and some of my stuff, too. We’ve been living together for a little over a year now, and have even discussed marriage … and then he drops a bomb: “I think I might be gay.”

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Classic advice from April 13, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend of three years has no clue what to do as far as romance, gifts, and manners. I love him a lot and we want to get married someday, but I’m not so sure. I can’t count on him, and every holiday when we get each other stuff, he puts no thought into the gifts and gets me the cheapest thing he can find (even leaves the price tag on stuff). I put a lot of thought into his gifts and I try to be as sweet and thoughtful as I can, I have even tried to give him tips ….? What to do?

— Carrie

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Using kid gloves on March 23, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been dating a woman for nine months. I have three kids that live with me and she has a daughter who is eight years old. We get along well and have a lot in common, except her daughter drives me crazy. She is the “typical only child,” constantly demanding everyone’s attention when she is in a room and ruling her mother’s life. I’m not sure how far I want this to go…but if I want it to go further, how do I handle the eight-year-old tyrant? Thanks.

— Gonzo Dadio

Dear Gonzo,

Other way around. Decide if you want it to go further; then worry about Curly Sue. Only if you think you’re able to make a commitment to this woman will you have some say in the daughter’s behavior — and some confirmation that you’re not using it as an let’s-keep-one-foot-out excuse. If you want to, you can work it out. I mean, I’m a typical only child, and my dad seems fine so far.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Giving him a hand on March 23, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I met a lady online last June and we hit it off and met in August. In October she let me know while visiting her that she just wanted to be friends. We had gotten pretty tight up ’til then and it hurt like hell. My problem is that during the courtship I gave her some keepsakes and some gifts. I told her when she knew I wasn’t “the one” that all she has to do was return the keepsakes and everything would be cool. Well it is now March and no keepsakes (pics from my childhood and a plaster cast of my hand at 2 weeks old). We talk occasionally and I have been politely letting her know that returning them will help me get closure. She has given me no other indication that she wants anything else. What should I do?

— Want It Over With in KC

Dear KC,

Tell her you’re coming over for the keepsakes; then make yourelf a sign that says: FOR PETE’S SAKE, DON’T KEEP YOUR KEEPSAKES AT YOUR GIRLFRIEND’S HOUSE. Then cast it in plaster.

Love,
Breakup Girl

As seen on TV, March 23, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half (together for a total of seven years). Other than a few flings/torrid one night affairs, I was never serious with anyone else. Alright, I’ll cut to the chase. Things are not as I thought they would be. It is not like I grew up with parents that had a fairy tale marriage, the Cleavers we were not. I can’t help but be concerned for my own marriage, things just don’t “seem” right. In my opinion people recently married and in their 20’s should be “hitting the sheets.” I know there isn’t another woman… Yeah yeah I know what they say but I KNOW. Needless to say the bed is far from hot and my thoughts are beginning to wander. My concern is what to do — pretty soon my thoughts won’t be all that are wandering… Any pearls of wisdom?

— Restless Lola

Dear Lola,

As far as hot sex is concerned, I don’t see how any couple can keep up with those crazy Cleavers. That was TV, not reality. Let go of the impossible standards.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten the wisecrack out of my system, let me suggest something the Cleavers didn’t have: counseling. Don’t worry about “should be”s; worry about — and trust — how you feel. If something’s wrong, do try to fix it. But if something’s missing in your bed, don’t look for it in someone else’s. That’s something Eddie Haskell would do, not you.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Weighing the options on March 23, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Frankly, I am losing interest in my husband; he is not the man I married. We have known each other for a number of years and have been married for about two. The passion is gone. We rarely see each other because of his job and mine (about 12 hours a week if we are lucky). We have had numerous discussions and he leads me to believe he is no longer attracted to me because I have have gained weight (30 lbs.) since we married. The reasons for my weight gain are numerous: #1 would be the period of unemployment prior to my current job and the fact that there is absolutely nothing in the town we live in and I have no friends here. My true concern is how do I keep the flame alive? I have tried seduction, homemade meals, talking, time alone — frankly I am fresh out of ideas.

— Q

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If only everyone on Twitter followed Nerve’s Nine Essentials of Twitter Etiquette! (Twitiquette?) Hilarious and helpful. My favorite:

Ask yourself if you’re tweeting something out of love, or to be loved.

While you’re there, check out the cautionary Five Ways I’ve Sabotaged My Relationships With Technology. It rings skeerily familiar for a rampant, heretofore unrepentant texter/emailer/chatter like me. Yikes!

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn hears from Distracted Dan, who is worried about what his online date with think when she sees him in the flesh — but for a very specific reason:

The problem is I have not told her that 18 months ago I had gastric bypass surgery and lost 140 lbs. I still have a lot of loose skin left over (which is not very obvious once I am dressed).

How should Dan handle the situation, and more importantly, his own insecurity? Get the full picture at Happen, then let us know in the comments what you’d do!

The Predicament of the Week from March 23, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

There is this guy that I met while working. We were in different departments but on the same floor. He was always there to listen to me and give me advice and noticing when I wasn’t happy or having problems at work. There is no doubting if you are agreeable to somebody when they see you and break out into a gigantic smile, every time. At first I didn’t think of him as anything more than a cool guy. But one day I woke up and realized that I was attracted to him not because of what he looks like but because I felt comfortable around him (which you must understand for me is strange since I’ve had odd relationships up until now). We had a fall-out in which he said to me that he knew me very well, that I was an emotional person, that when I became emotional I was defensive and when I became defensive, that made him uncomfortable because he felt that he needed to justify himself to me. All true, but it seemed odd that two people that were just co-workers were sharing with each other.

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The curse of the friend-girl strikes March 23, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m sure you’ve probably heard this one before, but here goes. All of my better friends happen to be men. I don’t mind — love ’em to death, flaws and all. Besides, all of the best relationships start with the couple being friends, right? I figure with all these guy buds, you’d think the odds of that happening would be in my favor. In a word, wrong. If I hear myself referred to as “one of the guys” again, I’m going to puke. This isn’t exactly a recent development, either — one of my friends refers to my situation as “terminal buddy syndrome” and I’ve been afflicted since high school. (I’m 27 now.) Now, it’s not like I wax romantic over every single one of my friends, but I can think of a couple of them — both now married — that I would have been more than willing to take a shot at “jeopardizing our friendship” with, if you get my drift. It feels like it’s beyond me to get a man to think of me romantically. I know it’s not the “end-all, be-all,” but it’d be nice for a change. Suggestions?

— Everyone’s Kid Sister

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