Now that woman can drink ventis with impunity, maybe we’ll no longer be “too tired” for sex. But otherwise, most discussions of much-studied low female sex drive — and prescriptions for revving it up — lack a look at the big picture, argues Amanda Marcotte in today’s AlterNet (via RHRealityCheck). Hormones, toddlers, fatigue, fate: not that they don’t play a role. But we do not live in a vacuum. (Or to vacuum; we’ll get to that). What’s missing from these conversations, according to Marcotte? The role sexism plays in turning us off. In other words: It’s not you, it’s the patriarchy.
Via Boing Boing: A new dating site for the terminally ill called Till Death Do Us Part. Though there’s a bit of gallows humor, it does not appear to be a hoax; also does not appear to have tons of members (yet?).
As marketing director Joseph DiAngelo said in a press release, “This site is designed to cut through the superficiality and embrace issues we think are most meaningful — the desire and need for understanding, compassion, empathy and comfort between human beings facing their greatest challenge.”
My immediate response: “Wow, what a wonderful idea, compassionate and… pragmatic. No one should feel like they can’t meet a mate. No one should feel like they have to be alone.” It reminded me of my dear, terminally ill friend who said her first thoughts when she heard the doctor’s bad news were: “Who will want me now? Who can love me? Will I have to die alone?”
So I think this service is a good thing. I mean … right?
Then again …
What about all the nasty ways scammers can get to these vulnerable people who brave putting themselves out there?
What about death groupies and fakers? (Two words: Fight Club.)
What about gold diggers who aspire to be merry widow(ers)?
What about the terminally ill being ghettoized into “their own website”? It’s not necessarily as if “no one else will have them.”
The truth is, my terminally ill friend is far braver than I. She’d probably say hey, nothing good comes without risk (and: hey, people like me already know all about scammers and weirdos). Perhaps at very least — regardless of what one thinks of this site — it might remind the hale and hearty among us to joke a little less flippantly about “dying alone.”
Doree Shafrir at The New York Observer recently described, ruefully, the slacker boyfriend who totally got his act together — a little too late. “Maybe, I realized, I had seen him as someone who had potential but just needed a little tweaking,” she writes. “But it was sort of annoying that he managed to do all the tweaking after we’d broken up.”
Ah, the Butterfly Effect, as Shafrir calls it it: “One day he’s a pot-addled caterpillar barely hanging on to his barista job, begging off brunch because he’s only got $37 in his checking account, spending his nights ‘playing music’ (his band is going to start playing shows again really soon) and eating cheese fries, and then, six months after the breakup, he’s turned into a Monarch: lost 20 pounds, has a job as a graphic designer, his band is playing the Bowery Ballroom and he has a new girlfriend (tall, blond, wearing what appears to be the $282 Vanessa Bruno sweater you eyed longingly at Stuart & Wright) who, he casually mentions when you run into him at brunch, is the heiress to a paper clip fortune.” (more…)
Filed under: Psychology — posted by Jackie @ 9:37 am
Opposites attract (sometimes), right? You are the yin to your partner’s yang. But what happens when your yin is a vegan diet and your partner’s yang is a love for baby back ribs?
Disagreements about food probably wouldn’t make a counselor’s top-10 list of couples issues. But in today’s food-conscious culture, what and how a significant other eats is becoming one more proxy for couples’ deeper conflicts about control and respect. Food obsessives divide the world into two kinds of people: those who seek out truffles, sea urchin and single-estate chocolate, and those who don’t. And when an avid food lover falls for one of the others, it can get complicated. Unlike fly-fishing or knitting, what to eat is a question that comes up three times a day. The result: Romantic dinners are ruined. Tempers flare. And though some couples find ways to make compromises, in extreme cases, relationships fall apart.
Has your picky palate ever come between you and the person you are/were dating?
This can be a stressful week. Single people worried they will die alone. Couples worried they will die alone if they do the wrong thing on Valentine’s Day. Here at BGHQ we try to be zen about it — or as close to zen as we can get while still stressed out: we write HAIKUS! In honor of our past Valentine’s Haiku Contests, we’re opening up a post for readers to submit their best relationship-themed haikus in the comments! To illustrate the 5-7-5 syllable scheme, here’s one of our faves:
Am I over her?
Why, did she ask about me?
Hey wait, come back here!
–Brian Thomas
It’s a Crisis On Infinite Earths! Earth-4 Idol Carrie Underwood teams-up with Earth-7 Idol David Cook to battle Fleetwood Mac; The resulting rip in the AI multi-verse creates so much anti-matter, the caustic “Go Your Own Way” becomes a sexy crowd pleaser!
I think I just read a letter to you from my (now) ex…I guess I got my answer! (See “John”.) Yes, I’m the vacation girl (I think). I’m still not sure if that message was written by my (ex) guy, but the name and details are right, and anyway, it totally applies to our situation. From this end, life is tough. but I guess it’s better to have it out and have it over than to keep it all inside.
Anyway, me and my (now) ex are still planning to go away together. I asked for advice on the discussion board and someone suggested that I sell my ticket to one of his friends, but we’re staying with my uncle so that’s not really practical. But I did ask him if he would rather not go, but he’s totally excited about it and I suspect we’ll have a really good time as friends if only I can remain sensible.
I just wanted to say that I was in a very destructive relationship about two years ago. It was hard for me, but I realized I deserved better than that. About year ago I met someone. At the time a relationship was the last thing on my mind. But he waited, and was very understanding about my fears. Later I realized he was the one for me all along. It’s been a year since then, and hes the best thing that has ever happened to me. For all of those girls out there who think there will never be anyone else, Wake up! You’re all far to beautiful to be wasting your time on someone who doesn’t respect you.
–Helplessly in Love
Dear Helplessly,
Go, girl. And listen, y’all: “Go, girl!” is a figure of speech. This is co-ed advice. This is not a Boys are Bad thing. This is a Bad Relationships are Bad thing. Okay? Enough said.