The Tacky Factor Day! Tackiness highlighted in blue…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m a young professional woman establishing my career and I’ve been through enough relationships (good and bad) in the past. Now, I feel uninterested in the dating scene or having a boyfriend at all. I would so much prefer to simply have “lovers” available at a congenial convenience. Many of my friends think I’m being immoral or am in a weird state of relationship denial when I simply have no desire for a heavy emotional commitment. What are your thoughts on this situation? Am I wanting to have my cake and eat it too?

— Single and Happy

(more…)

Doree Shafrir at The New York Observer recently described, ruefully, the slacker boyfriend who totally got his act together — a little too late. “Maybe, I realized, I had seen him as someone who had potential but just needed a little tweaking,” she writes. “But it was sort of annoying that he managed to do all the tweaking after we’d broken up.”

Ah, the Butterfly Effect, as Shafrir calls it it: “One day he’s a pot-addled caterpillar barely hanging on to his barista job, begging off brunch because he’s only got $37 in his checking account, spending his nights ‘playing music’ (his band is going to start playing shows again really soon) and eating cheese fries, and then, six months after the breakup, he’s turned into a Monarch: lost 20 pounds, has a job as a graphic designer, his band is playing the Bowery Ballroom and he has a new girlfriend (tall, blond, wearing what appears to be the $282 Vanessa Bruno sweater you eyed longingly at Stuart & Wright) who, he casually mentions when you run into him at brunch, is the heiress to a paper clip fortune.”
(more…)

Misery loves company on January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I think I just read a letter to you from my (now) ex…I guess I got my answer! (See “John”.) Yes, I’m the vacation girl (I think). I’m still not sure if that message was written by my (ex) guy, but the name and details are right, and anyway, it totally applies to our situation. From this end, life is tough. but I guess it’s better to have it out and have it over than to keep it all inside.

Anyway, me and my (now) ex are still planning to go away together. I asked for advice on the discussion board and someone suggested that I sell my ticket to one of his friends, but we’re staying with my uncle so that’s not really practical. But I did ask him if he would rather not go, but he’s totally excited about it and I suspect we’ll have a really good time as friends if only I can remain sensible.

(more…)

From BG’s GO GIRL! File, dated January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I just wanted to say that I was in a very destructive relationship about two years ago. It was hard for me, but I realized I deserved better than that. About year ago I met someone. At the time a relationship was the last thing on my mind. But he waited, and was very understanding about my fears. Later I realized he was the one for me all along. It’s been a year since then, and hes the best thing that has ever happened to me. For all of those girls out there who think there will never be anyone else, Wake up! You’re all far to beautiful to be wasting your time on someone who doesn’t respect you.

–Helplessly in Love

Dear Helplessly,

Go, girl. And listen, y’all: “Go, girl!” is a figure of speech. This is co-ed advice. This is not a Boys are Bad thing. This is a Bad Relationships are Bad thing. Okay? Enough said.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Old enough now, but not on January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hi! I am a senior college student, and believe it or not, my boyfriend for ten months is just a senior high school student. Dig that?

Any way, I’ve been thinking about this for quite a long time. I always get paranoid and feel insecure in our relationship. Sometimes I feel like I don’t trust him anymore. Maybe because he has hurt me a lot, or he is just plain insensitive. Is it because he is still a kid? I think that sometimes, he is mature enough. Please help me.

— Betty Joy

  (more…)

Needing a Hollywood ending on January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
My best male friend and I got together for a short time about a year ago. He’s had some bad luck with girls in the past and is afriad of losing our friendship if we broke up. (Needless to say, we ended up back as friends fairly quickly regardless of the fact that everyone else says that we’re perfect together.) Now the complicated part is that he has been going out with a (FORMER) good friend of mine for several months and thinks he’s going to MARRY her! What should I do? I feel like I’m living out “My Best Friend’s Wedding!”
— Lost

(more…)

Looking for love in the wrong place, circa January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I have a crush on a guy who is my brother’s friend and has a girlfriend. We get along great, and always have a good time when together. There is alot of teasing, and sexual innuendo, but also some serious moments. Thing is, he and his girlfriend don’t act like boyfriend and girlfriend, and some of his comments make me think he likes me. So what do I do? Nothing and wait for him, forget about him, or go for it?
— Waiting and Wanting

Dear Waiting and Wanting,
No poaching. Ever. End of story.
Love,
Breakup Girl

Breaking up is hard on everybody, from January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am a happily married woman (and no — I’m not asking for advice on how to change that situation). However, close friends of ours (a couple) had a nasty breakup earlier this fall. I was initially close friends with the woman, but my husband and I also became close to the man, think he’s a lot of fun and intend to continue our friendship with him. So far, nothing’s been a problem with this — we just don’t talk about his ex-girlfriend. Do I need to tell the woman that we are continuing our friendship with the man?

— Don’t Want to Be in the Middle

(more…)

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but on the plus-side, you’ll get two new letters at a time (yay!). For January, we’ve got a gal with some office intrigue and a couple with trust issues…

1. Not Safe For Work is worried that dating her boss’s friend might affect her job

and

2. Haunted by Her Past has a girlfriend that is uncomfortably chummy with her exes, yet always checking his phone for the same behavior

Read the letters and advice, then come back here to comment!

Moving on circa January 19, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

After reading these letters I was impressed how you handled the situations with great level-headedness. So I’ll give it a whirl with my story.

I went out with this girl for nine months and let me tell you I was the happiest I’ve ever been. Everything about her was amazing to me. I knew we were going to break up because of our likes and dislikes. Our personalities were right on but we couldn’t decide on chocolate or vanilla ice cream. Sad. So here I am writing to Breakup Girl more than ONE YEAR later asking for someone to hit me on the head so I’ll forget this girl. Each of the few times that I talk to her she has always been so nice to me but I know she doesn’t want me anymore. I wish she would be mean. Anyway, If I can reason with myself like this, why haven’t I moved on?

–In Need of a Lobotomy

(more…)